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Police brutality up for instant review, as rioters adopt 'Hawkeye'

Following on from some high profile cases of police brutality and disputes about reasonable force, the decision has been taken to use Hawkeye for all major riots in the UK. This move comes to try and...

Perks 21.07.12 4:56am
Obama to send all quiet people who keep to themselves to Guantanamo Bay 0
Dumbnews 21.07.12 4:28am
Cern becomes the new "Mecca" for obese people

They beleive they are suffering from the HIGGS syndrome, High Intake Gluttony Gastro Sleaze, This force field imparts Mass to all who pass through it., The force field is most evident around chip...

Rowly 21.07.12 12:16am
Paralympics followed by Lardolympics for pale fat kids with a note from Mum 22
cinquecento 20.07.12 11:33pm
Will Smith to Remake “Hancock” as Comedian’s Biopic

Men In Black star Will Smith has announced plans to remake his hit 2008 film Hancock as a biography of British comedian Tony Hancock. “I’m a huge fan of British comedy: Benny Hill, Monty...

Iggy Pop-Barker 20.07.12 10:15pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Light-fingered teenager high on Bacardi and bath salts to light Olympic flame

London 2012 organisers have finally revealed who will be entrusted with the honour of kindling the Olympic flame in front of a worldwide audience of billions at the climax of next Friday’s opening...

FraserWords 20.07.12 9:32pm
Radio 1 To Play Records People Want To Hear

The Chris Moyles All Request Friday feature has proved so popular, it is to be extended and featured five days a week. The initiative allows listeners to text the show, letting the presenter know...

Alfred Noakes 20.07.12 9:27pm
Serious Breach Of Security As Worker Smuggles Can of Pepsi Into Olympic Park

A TERRIFYING flaw in London’s Olympic Park security was exposed last night after a worker smuggled a REAL can of PEPSI inside. He sailed past TWO checkpoints without being stopped — and managed...

tom pride 20.07.12 8:11pm
tom pride
Readers offer.

Forget the tabloid giveaways; Collect Newsbiscuit coupons for your free G4S Olympic uniform...

miked10270 20.07.12 7:32pm
US envoy John McEnroe tells Assad family: You cannot be Syrians 1
FraserWords 20.07.12 7:18pm
Alfred Noakes
Wiggins promises lap of honour if he wins Le Tour

More soon....

custard cream 20.07.12 7:15pm
seymour totti
Rail passengers branded as "worse than benefits cheats" by head of ATOC.

In an interview in today's Daily Mail the head of the Association of Train Operating companies branded rail passengers as "worse than benefits cheats." "Who are these people?" opined Micheal...

cueball 20.07.12 7:01pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Images of "alive and fit" Vince Cable shown on British state television

In what is seen as a piece of cynical propaganda in the face of an increasingly powerful opposition uprising, British state television showed images of a clearly fit and well Vince Cable meeting with...

grottymonty 20.07.12 6:39pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Gary Barlow faces charges for mis-selling Take That songs.

A recent life time achievement award from the music industry has been sadly marred by revelations that Gary Barlow conspired to sell Take That songs to members of the public in a misleadng fashion. ...

The Masked Frog 20.07.12 6:04pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Tony Blair Announces Plans To Return To Public Life As The Queen

Former Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Tony Blair, today announced his intention to return to public life but this time as the nation's unelected figurehead. 'I take nothing...

Carter 20.07.12 5:29pm
The Masked Frog
Offenders are too serious, claims Prison Chief

Earlier today the Chief Inspector of Probation, Liz Calderbank, admitted that the government’s initiatives to reduce the number of serious offenders had failed, as evidence emerged that 90% of...

MiddleofJowhere 20.07.12 5:25pm
Supermarkets accused of milk whitewash 0
custard cream 20.07.12 5:22pm
custard cream
Prison rehabilitation programme no laughing matter

It emerged today that the prison service’s focus on containment of serious offenders is fundamentally flawed. The Chief Inspector of Probation, Liz Calderbank, challenged this attitude, saying...

MiddleofJowhere 20.07.12 5:20pm
Albanian gang named as Official Pickpockets to London 2012. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.07.12 4:41pm
Polish optician admits using nameplate as sight test chart 0
custard cream 20.07.12 4:23pm
custard cream
Cows claim they'd be better off on benefits than grazing after milk price cut

Cows have today spoken of how they can no longer afford the basics, after the average price of a litre of milk was cut by 2 pence. “Grass doesn’t grow on trees,” a Friesian spokesman said....

oblongscone 20.07.12 3:23pm
Tesco cancels milk farmers' deal 'as it's cheaper in ASDA.' 0
Boutros 20.07.12 3:15pm
Cable, Clegg, Cameron and Osborne attack own reflections 0
simonjmr 20.07.12 1:33pm
Spice Girls to close Olympics & ensure everyone leaves the stadium in good time 1
dvo4fun 20.07.12 1:26pm
Failing Optician had "unclear Vision Statement" 1
seymour totti 20.07.12 12:40pm
“What Sort Of Diminutive Sleazebag Would Do That To My Tamara?" Says Bernie 0
20.07.12 11:59am
After farmers blocakde dairies, Francis Maude recommends public stockpile milk

In old petrol cans, next to radiators, or on top of any nuclear waste they may have hanging around. Ernie, a spokesman for the dairy industry, is quoted as saying "You should try and get it past...

Ian Searle 20.07.12 11:31am
Ian Searle
Homeopathy consultants employed by ITV to ensure 1 mins content lasts 1 hour 0
simonjmr 20.07.12 11:14am
Pantomine cows blockade milk plants during Farmers for Justice protests 0
simonjmr 20.07.12 11:11am
Olympic hygiene costs soar - athletes foot bill 0
cinquecento 20.07.12 11:09am