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Thousands Of Decorating Contracts Delayed As Firemen Call Off Strike 0
Titus 18.10.13 1:14pm
Parent Accused of Racism After Calling Son a 'Cheeky Monkey'

Mrs Deborah Falden, 32 of Northants, has been accused of racism after calling her 7 year son Peter a 'Cheeky Monkey'. Mr Bill Harrow, headteacher of the primary school that Peter attends said "Mrs...

Flugelbinder 18.10.13 1:12pm
Coalition to introduce a 20 month Price Freeze On Sweaters, Jumpers and Cardigan

No 10 has today announced dramatic measures to help keep the country warm without impacting fuel bills. In a counter offensive against the energy suppliers and in response to recent price increases...

Deimos 18.10.13 1:09pm
Govt advises pensioners on winter survival

“What’s the problem with all these moaning pensioners?” says Joe Propaganda “I’d be like a pig in shit if it was me! Look, everybody knows most pensioners are past their use-by date and...

farmer giles 18.10.13 12:08pm
farmer giles
Hodgson Given List of Innocuous Words To Avoid

Following the non-event published in every paper, and leapt upon by every anti-racism group, the non offence caused by Hodgson to anybody has lead to the England Manager being coached on how he...

Flugelbinder 18.10.13 11:17am
Literate ecstacy user suffers withdrawals after e book confiscated in drugs raid 0
irreverendJ 18.10.13 10:59am
'I just hate old people', admits Ian Peters, British Gas MD

The Managing Director of British Gas, Ian Peters, has today confirmed plans to 'remove' a record number of adorable grandparents in the lead-up to Christmas, in a desperate bid to rid his home town...

Jesus H 18.10.13 10:53am
Jesus H
'I can cure your loneliness' by Paul McKenna

Following my good friend Jeremy Hunt’s statements today that chronic loneliness is our “national shame”, I felt morally obligated to give my new book a nice plug. It deviates from my normal...

TobiasBV 18.10.13 10:43am
Penguin Classics Accidentally Publish Autobiography Of The Smurfs

"We only realised our mistake when we finished reading it, and found that it was not full of outrage, self-justifications and angry recriminations" said a spokesman for the publishers. "I suppose we...

Titus 18.10.13 10:39am
Rock Bands not as good as elastic ones claims office worker 2
Flugelbinder 18.10.13 10:36am
Nike ‘Fuelband’ to track British Gas profits

Health fanatics and hypothermia sufferers were celebrating the launch of a new activity-tracking wristband, which guarantees to monitor fitness goals, frostbite and the gluttonous proceeds of energy...

Wrenfoe 18.10.13 10:09am
Outrage as Austrian man claims he has normal relationship with all his relatives

Hans Bloch, a middle aged Austrian man, has found himself the centre of feverish media debate this week after admitting he had an “entirely healthy” relationship with his family. Bloch appeared...

TobiasBV 18.10.13 9:44am
Biography of Smith’s Crisp a surprise hit

A long awaited angst filled biography of the classic English crisp, “The Smith’s” is tipped to be a best-seller in this year’s Xmas book trade. It tells the tale of a humble snack which...

nickb 18.10.13 9:15am
On this website illegally? Go home or face arrest

106 arrests in your office last week*...

tedweasel 18.10.13 7:51am
Wives deny millions of husbands in the UK have been forced into slavery. 0
Ian Searle 18.10.13 6:27am
Ian Searle
"I don't believe it!" pensioner denies TV is their only company

Victor Meldrew, aged 68, added “My Arse! How very dare you. I didn't get where I am today watching telly. I have loads-a friends. There’s Ross, and Rachael, Joey, Chandler Phoebe and Monica....

Ian Searle 18.10.13 6:26am
Ian Searle
Man that had sex change to avoid man-flu, catches bird flu. 7
Trumpet 17.10.13 10:12pm
Hodgson 'Sorry' for putting milk in coffee.

Roy Hodgson was today slammed for the racist way in which he drinks his coffee. [quote] I suppose putting milk in my coffee is a generational thing and I had no intention of offending anybody[/quote]...

julio bango 17.10.13 9:48pm
julio bango
Hunt blames the public for failing to cull the elderly 0
Squudge 17.10.13 9:36pm
Global search for Michael Gove as first Free School fails 1
custard cream 17.10.13 7:49pm
Makers of Camp Coffee accused of heterophobia 0
custard cream 17.10.13 7:46pm
custard cream
Art world heralds X factor ‘Brilliant post-modern self-satire’

Critics in the art world this week have heralded Simon Cowell a ‘visionary’ and claimed his long running series ‘The X factor’ is amongst the most inspired and daring pieces of art in the...

TobiasBV 17.10.13 6:15pm
No 10: China ‘will not be permitted to invest in UK military defence programme’

“There will be no chinks in our armour” assured a spokesperson, who was immediately attacked on Twitter for being politically incorrect by Roy ‘feed the monkey’ Hodgson, Luis Suarez and Ron...

farmer giles 17.10.13 6:00pm
farmer giles
Independent think tank calls for re-nationalisation of British government 0
TerribleTim 17.10.13 4:59pm
Hodgson labelled racist and sexist by tabloid crossword correspondent

Roy Hodgson was today embroiled in further controversy following off-guard comments that have incensed apologists for race and gender equality groups. When asked to comment on England’s 2-0 win...

TerribleTim 17.10.13 4:49pm
Oedipus told to "please sit down" before being told DNA test result 1
sydalg 17.10.13 4:36pm
Hodgson Racism Accusation Backfires on Tabloid Press

The entire UK media were accused by themselves today of exacerbating racism and may be forced to resign from their positions leaving the country without a media network. The claims come after...

joefall 17.10.13 4:29pm
Hiring Eric Clapton to pen new Colombian national anthem "sends wrong message" 0
sydalg 17.10.13 4:25pm
Yeti hair 'genetically identical to Brian Blessed', finds professor 0
cinquecento 17.10.13 4:06pm
Robert Pesto to launch his own brand of Peston

BBC Economics Correspondent Robert Pesto is to launch his own brand pasta products. “I don’t know what gave me the idea for Peston,” Pesto told the BBC Food Programme. “I certainly enjoy...

nickb 17.10.13 3:51pm