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Pro-Wrestling welcomes psychometric testing for new wrestlers 2
Zadok the second 3 years

In a global first, personality tests will be used to weed out ‘unsuitable’ professional wrestlers. England is to become the only country in the world where all smackdown hopefuls will face...

Meerkat stolen from Kent wildlife centre. 1
Tammy Flugh 3 years

Breaking news., Police are investigating reports of a man with a silly moustache being bundled into a car. A spokesman refused to say if they thought it was retaliation by, or...

Sacked managers laughing all the way to the bank... 1
Doylem 3 years

Brian Smith, Chairman of the League Managers Association, could barely keep a straight face as he learned that yet another member of his association had got the sack. “It’s ridiculous”, he...

Penthouse launch 3d porn channel which REALLY will make you go blind. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
TV Chefs blamed for increasing knife crime 4
Dai Jesstive 3 years

Celebrity chefs have been targeted by Vegan protesters in the capital today. The chefs are being blamed for an increase in the number of knife crimes around the country. Protesters commented that the...

Piers Morgan carries "the hopes of a grateful nation”... 2
Doylem 3 years

A grateful nation says “We really, really hope that Piers Morgan’s CNN chatshow is a rip-roaring success, so we never have to see his bloated ego or his ugly fucking face back here again”...

Miriam O'Reilly to get £250k of our licence fee. 0
Tammy Flugh 3 years
“Take your dog shit home”, says Mayor... 1
Doylem 3 years

Joe Stanford, Mayor of Halifax, is adamant: dog owners must clean up after their pooches, or face the consequences. “A lot of owners, too idle to take their dogs for a proper walk, just boot them...

Royal family welcome public feedback hotline. 'I'm all ears' says Charles 3
pinxit 3 years
Tube strike called off after Anne Widdecombe threatens to go 'pant less' 1
Ian Searle 3 years
Flash mob at Waterloo celebrates Vodafone's latest billion pound tax let off 0
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

A flash mob of inland revenue hardmen, best known for kicking the crap out of the low paid and the self employed, showed their gentler side yesterday, by forming a flash mob on the concourse of...

Wet Wet Wet tops Australian hit parade. 4
Ostsee 3 years
DCI Barnaby revealed as a real police detective working undercover as an actor. 1
Tammy Flugh 3 years

More later...

“My hands are tied”, claims Max Mosley. “Ball-gag next, then nipple clamps”... 0
Doylem 3 years

“Both my privacy and my scrotum have been violated”, claimed Mr Mosley today, as he took his case to the Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg, “the former by intrusive tabloid revelations, the...

New Chinese Stealth fighter fails to impress Defence Chiefs 0
A Crooked MP 3 years

Kung Foo Panda was not quite what we had in mind said Defence Minister General Liange Guanglie. I think the working brief was probably wrong "Eats, Shoots, and leaves"...

Diana’s face appears on Dorito... 2
Doylem 3 years

“It was only a matter of time”, said ‘Stainless’ Steve Anderson, Vicar of St Diana’s Church, in Liverpool, as he held up the precious Dorito for the benefit of the assembled photographers. ...

Vietnam offers Australian boat people asylum in good will gesture 2
A Crooked MP 3 years

As Brisbane evacuates and creates a huge number of waterborne refugees, the government in Vietnam has kindly offered to take any excess people in repayment of the kind way in which they were...

C4 to outsource next series of "The IT Crowd" to the writers of "Mumbai Calling" 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Newcastle Clubbers Demand the Right to Bare Arms 0
De-scribe 3 years
Case collapses after Hong Kong Phooey unmasked as police janitor 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Grooming of white poodles ‘easy but sick’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Easyjet passengers ejected for not paying extra fuel levy 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Royal wedding: tea towels will be allowed but not toilet paper 1
Dun Dunkin 3 years

The Palace caved in to allowing Royal Wedding tea towels saying 'the common people like that sort of thing' but they firmly drew the line at Royal Wedding toilet paper and condoms...

Life imitating art syndrome leaves man at the Luncheon on the Grass for days 0
simonjmr 3 years

He finished the day in Tracey Emin's Bed. More soon...

BBC Oracle predicts bank bonuses to be great this year 0
4ty2 3 years

as they are safe. The cleggoroons will not cut them as it would be suicide. Whoever considers cutting them would be defacto throwing the moneylenders out of their temple. It has only been done once...

Joan Bakewell, on the consolations of growing old... 0
Doylem 3 years

“I was known, in my prime, as the 'thinking man’s crumpet', though I never really knew whether to be flattered or offended. Anyway the problem, if that’s what it was, has long been solved. I...

Channel 5 to launch porn versions of Emmerdale, EastEnders and Question Time 3
ronseal 3 years

New owner of Channel 5 Richard Desmond has angrily denied that he is taking the station downmarket and has pledged to produce his own programmes to rival anything that the BBC and ITV can put out...

Bullitt director's funeral to include hearse chase through San Francisco. 2
Mrblacker 3 years
Law of diminishing returns 'all but gone within five years', according to expert 0
victory V 3 years
Inspector Poirot endorses budget supermarket - "I use my Lidl grey cells". 0
victory V 3 years

Morse soon...