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UKIP Councillors bid to fill channel tunnel with concrete

Kent County Council today put to tender an order for 102 million cubic metres of concrete, receiving 17 competitive bids before lunch. A spokesperson for the County Surveyor's Office said at a press...

11
Our Business Correspondent 09.05.13 2:51pm
Our Business Correspondent
Elton John's songs to be translated into English

Oxford University has announced that it will begin translation of Elton John's songs into English,using some of its top linguists. The man in charge of the project, Professor Robert Leeming, said:...

9
John Wiltshire 09.05.13 2:25pm
Titus
Lennon was right "Happyness is a warm gun...hot off the HP uPrint 3D-5000" 0
theinvisiblecitychannels 09.05.13 2:17pm
theinvisiblecitychannels
Bored Since The Escape Of Your Female House Guests After 10 Years? Write For NB 1
Titus 09.05.13 2:10pm
theinvisiblecitychannels
Brian Cant admits defeat. 3
sredni vashta 09.05.13 1:41pm
theinvisiblecitychannels
NHS 'Never Events' to be replaced by 'Never Ever Again Events'

In a bid to curb hideous surgical foul-up that should never have happened but did the NHS are to introduce a new ‘Never Happened scale’. A spokesperson explained “We will still have Never...

0
theinvisiblecitychannels 09.05.13 1:38pm
theinvisiblecitychannels
Steve McClaren uses fake English accent on BBC 0
Hooch 09.05.13 1:17pm
Hooch
70`s Music Stars Hold Benefit Gig to Raise Cash for Abuse Claim Fighting-Fund

An anticipated Tsunami of Court costs and compensation claims has prompted Rock musicians from the 60s and 70s to join together for a summer music marathon., Rumour has it that the monster show,...

0
Nimrod 09.05.13 1:01pm
Nimrod
Barbara Hewson revealed to be worried ex- BBC 70 year old man

more later...

0
sillybugger 09.05.13 12:50pm
sillybugger
Bob Marley fans’ frustration as their 3D printers keep jammin’ 0
Midfield Diamond 09.05.13 12:36pm
Midfield Diamond
Queen harangues Sir Alex : “It's your duty to stay”

Sir Alex Ferguson has received a letter from the Queen urging him to rescind his decision to retire and stay on as Manager of Manchester United. Sources close to her Majesty reveal she has advised...

0
Lenny Bee 09.05.13 12:25pm
Lenny Bee
Alex Ferguson expected to replace Moyes at Everton

Sir Alex Ferguson is the favourite to replace David Moyes as manager of Everton. More to follow...

0
apepper 09.05.13 12:21pm
apepper
Film Critics say Queens speech not as good as Kings Speech 1
Scronnyglonkle 09.05.13 12:04pm
sredni vashta
Mirror decides on reflection that left is right 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 09.05.13 11:59am
blacklesbianandproudofit
Moyes to be supervised for a year after leaving Everton 0
topfotogmw 09.05.13 11:20am
topfotogmw
Large meteor linked to Mourinho’ s return. Skip fire heralds Moyes appointment.

more later...

0
Wrenfoe 09.05.13 11:03am
Wrenfoe
Moyes set to be named as Fergies heir tryer 0
Backup Brian 09.05.13 10:42am
Backup Brian
Yewtree announces UK tour, Manchester may be added to schedule 0
simonjmr 09.05.13 10:10am
simonjmr
Dyslexic american admits defeat with Gnu farms after sales boom fails to appear

no more soon...

0
Not Amused 09.05.13 10:03am
Not Amused
Sarcasm no longer the lowest form of wit

Contributors to the self styled 'satire, parody and spoof news' website NewsBiscuit have voted sarcasm into joint fifth position in forms of wit league, finally lifting it off the bottom after many...

8
Terry 09.05.13 9:59am
sigmund
World's First 3D Printed Pun. 0
rob box 09.05.13 9:24am
rob box
BaByliss, Philips and Remington short listed to succeed Ferguson. 0
weematt 09.05.13 7:29am
weematt
New, larger gun produced using Canon printer. 4
JETFAB 09.05.13 6:53am
Sinnick
Queens Speech: Energy Policy - Government to repeal 2nd law of thermodynamics 0
Terry 09.05.13 6:34am
Terry
Charles told "take work experience from Queen or lose benefits" 2
quango 09.05.13 6:21am
Wrenfoe
Massive queue at the 3D printer as Hanging Gardens of Babylon get stuck again 0
ronseal 09.05.13 6:07am
ronseal
ManUtd fans disappointed that 3D print rendering of Fergie looks like "Moyes"

More later...

0
Wrenfoe 09.05.13 5:19am
Wrenfoe
Man buys Cat

A man bought a cat yesterday "to keep me company". Home Secretary Janice Whatsit was called upon to make a statement about the situation but her response was dubbed "poor and lacking in substance"...

0
Drylaw 09.05.13 12:32am
Drylaw
Harryhausen's funeral to take 2 years to film

The stop motion funeral planned for Ray Harryhausen is expected to take a team of animators many months to prepare. Calls for a CGI based service have been dismissed as "not in the spirit" of Mr...

9
apepper 08.05.13 11:49pm
Titus
Home Secretary to declare amnesty for "pre 80s celeb offenders"

In an extraordinary move yesterday the Home Secretary Mrs Shirley Whatsit declared an amnesty for any showbiz or remotely famous person implicated in sex related scandal prior to the 80s. "The...

0
Drylaw 08.05.13 10:24pm
Drylaw