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Enid Smyth appointed writer in residence for 13, Limes Avenue, Norbiton, KT2 4LS

“It is an honour and an unexpected privilege to be nominated for this prestigious post” said Enid Smyth, recently named writer in residence for 13, Limes Avenue, Norbiton. Although there have...

nickb 20.01.13 9:40am
Algerian Hostages Resent Being Ignored by NB

"We can cope with being terrified and having our lives threatened" said one terrified hostage who had had his life threatened, "But we resent the humiliation of being totally ignored by satirical...

Titus 20.01.13 1:00am
Britain and US furious with Algeria for not letting them help kill terrorists. 1
dominic_mcg 20.01.13 12:55am
Tesco 'Finest' burgers found to contain 29% unicorn meat.

The Tesco horsemeat in burgers story is comedy gold. I can't believe you've all moved on! We can keep this going for weeks...

deskpilot3 19.01.13 11:16pm
Lance Armstrong found to contain 29% horse DNA

See what I did there? I've cleverly combined two popular stories into one incoherent headline...

Spartacus 19.01.13 11:15pm
Outraged Campaigners Demand GM-Free Horsemeat in their Burgers

(Do I win a prize for the 100th Tesco-horse-burger post please?) Outraged campaigners are furious that no-one has checked whether or not the horse meat found in TESCO's burgers is GM-free horse meat...

Titus 19.01.13 11:11pm
withdrawn 0
Squudge 19.01.13 10:33pm
Armstrong cleared to compete in Tour de France as long as he rides a fixie 1
custard cream 19.01.13 9:44pm
Met Office warns: smugness to continue for two more weeks

The Met Office today warned that an outbreak of smugness will cover the country for two more weeks. "We expect a higher number of 4x4s at peak hours -with the drivers willing to offer the children...

steve_l 19.01.13 8:15pm
Stansted's new owners shocked to find "runway is extra"

The consortium who recently purchased Stansted airport have expressed their anger that the airport's biggest airline, Ryanair, are charging extra for the runway. "You'd have thought a runway was a...

apepper 19.01.13 6:39pm
"I have no use for money" says multi billionaire Bill Gates 0
Ian 19.01.13 5:53pm
According to the latest hot video-game trailer, he's 'at it' again...

pinxit 19.01.13 4:40pm
Blockbuster opens 50 new stores to "hit closing targets"

Troubled retailer Blockbuster have opened 50 new stores. "We plan to close 200 outlets over the next six months, but we realised we only have 150 shops, so it makes sense to quickly open 50 new ones...

apepper 19.01.13 2:50pm
Abandoned bear found at Paddington Station wearing hat and coat. Kills ten. 1
19.01.13 2:47pm
'Where's Wally?: High Street Edition' easiest yet say disgruntled readers

pinxit 19.01.13 2:35pm
Angela Merkel ‘a chip off the old block’ says biographer

In a new biography to be released later this year, esteemed author Otto Von Shermann has revealed that German Chancellor, Angela Merkel was in fact quite literally chipped out of the Berlin Wall. ...

Dick Everyman 19.01.13 2:18pm
Dick Everyman
Now That They've Heard About It, The Taliban ...

claim responsibilty for the London helicopter crash...

Titus 19.01.13 2:06pm
Married man in pube trimming dilemma

After 8 years of marriage Steve Leverson faces one of the biggest dilemmas in his relationship over the future of his pubic hair. Since joining his mates in the local five-a-side team he has come...

Dick Everyman 19.01.13 1:47pm
Dick Everyman
Penguin admits cycling to win 100km ‘march’

A penguin who holds the record for being the fastest flightless bird to complete his arduous winter march between the ocean and ancestral breeding grounds has admitted to using a...

DustyBinLaden 19.01.13 12:38pm
Lance Armstrong banned from all forms of physical exercise. That'll teach him... 1
AReader 19.01.13 12:28pm
Lance Armstrong launches the Big Stoned Bike Ride...

Admitting that cycling is irredeemably fucked as a genuine sport, Lance Armstrong has announced that the inaugural Big Stoned Bike Ride will take place in Amsterdam in 2014. “It will be an...

Tripod 19.01.13 12:19pm
Wife of "The Name of the Rose" author admits to being Eco-friendly 3
Smart Alex 19.01.13 12:17pm
Armstrong questions punishment: 'Surely I should be in jail?' 0
One Line Only 19.01.13 11:03am
One Line Only
Fisherman’s Friends ‘not actually friends’

A small advert placed in the Cornish Gazette nearly 15 years ago has revealed that not only had Port Isaac Fisherman’s Friends never been ‘friends’ at the time the close harmony band formed...

Gerontius 19.01.13 10:54am
Oprah interviews dope pedaller 0
Smart Alex 19.01.13 10:53am
Smart Alex
Miranda joins ‘Splash’ to inject more humour 2
Dick Everyman 19.01.13 9:43am
Downmarket society magazine 'Cheshire Strife' launches to great acclaim

With dazzling photographs from the new year's eve 'Black eye ball' held at Wetherspoons in Manchester, publisher Archant is convinced that its latest publication 'Cheshire Strife' will capture the...

antharrison 19.01.13 9:37am
Forecasters baffled as Walford East London miraculously snow free.

More dum dum .. dum dum dum dum...

MADJEZ 19.01.13 9:34am
Scottish prospector discovers giant nugget of lard

A prospector from Montrose who found a 25lb nugget of lard washed up on the beach at St.Cyrus says he has sold the delicacy to a local chip restaurant., Culinary experts say the lard, believed to...

Gerontius 19.01.13 6:05am
"Catch It, Bin It, Kill It" campaign fails to kill off George Osborne

The infamous George Osborne ([i]Georgeus Gideoliver Osbornosus[/i]) bacterium has failed to be controlled yet again, for more than it's third time in office. "We know the filthy germ thrives in...

TheModerator 18.01.13 8:29pm