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Classic british pastime of queueing to get massive overhaul 19
Screenie 4 years

Within the next few days the government will announce measures to increase the productivity of the UK's workforce with a radical new approach to queueing. Walk in queueing centres, open 24 hours,...

Theresa May promises installation of a moral compass in every high street 0
simonjmr 4 years
Panic Buttons to be installed with Panic buttons 0
simonjmr 4 years

"In case of emergency and you need help with activating the panic button - please press the PANIC panic button". More soon...

Amanda Knox issues press statement denying ever being near an Italian prison 0
charlies_hat 4 years
Accidental overdose of Diocalm halts recording of TV series 'Loose Women' 0
pinxit 4 years
New craze of ‘Working’ sweeping the internet 2
Vertically Challenged Giant 4 years

Stand aside ‘Planking’, move over ‘Batmanning’, there’s a new game in town. ‘Working’ is the new craze which has Facebook users flocking to upload photos of themselves engaged in the...

New deck chair arrangement a great success say Titanic Middle Management 1
Ian Searle 4 years

Having originally brain-stormed the reorganisation at an 'away day' in February, the initial feedback indicators are very good. There has been a huge buy-in from all staff, and engagement levels are...

Tesco to sell dehydrated ice 0
Gary Baldy 4 years

Marketing Director John Frampton explained that Tesco have been selling convenience foods such as instant mashed potatoes and frozen omelettes for years. Indeed, they have been printing obvious...

Film star regrets red carpet treatment after being rolled on the floor 0
Ian Searle 4 years

sprinkled with Shake'n Vac and having the Dyson run over them...

English Brewers League lose legal fight against pub that sells foreign beers 0
bonjonelson 4 years
Knox, Knox, who's there? 0
RJWinter 4 years


Man not yet concieved recieves Nobel Prize for work on time travel 3
RJWinter 4 years
EDU defends England 'quiet night in' 1
simonjmr 4 years

The England Drinkers (EDU) bosses have backed captain Mike Tavistock and his team-mates following tabloid allegations about a quiet night in, whilst they are in New Zealand for the Drinkers World Cup...

OJ Simpson to ghost-write Amanda Knox Book. 1
miked10270 4 years

Will also have cameo in forthcoming film...

Chas n Dave deny cashing in on tragedy with release of "Mertcha!" 1
nickb 4 years
Cut school leaving until the age of 14, suggests former inspector of schools 13
Screenie 4 years

The former Chief inspector of schools, Chris Woodhead, has put himself firmly back in the spotlight today by suggesting that children should be kept at school, 24/7, until the age of 14. ‘Kids...

Old time entertainers suffer from "pre-minstrel tension" 1
nickb 4 years

Maureen and Dave Jones from Worcester are worried. The couple, now in their seventies, were to perform "Mamie" in the style of Al Jolson including full black-face make up, for their local amateur...

Autumn Aspects 1
Drylaw 4 years

Well it's that time of the year when the trees change their hue and the leaves start to fall hence the expression "Fall" so often used by our American cousins. An increasing feature in recent...

Keith Richards releases 'Gimme Sheltered Accommodation' 0
nickb 4 years
Free pint with cheap Greek football at your local now. 0
Ostsee 4 years
iPhone4 users to become obsolete by midnight. 2
Ostsee 4 years
RMT threatens shite and go for commuters 1
vertical 4 years

Desperate to combat planned attacks on pensions, RMT boss Bob Crow says that some union hardliners have been receiving covert training in an ancient Korean martial art. No Kan Do (pronounded [i]no...

Odd job man hired by surrealist 3
nickb 4 years

anchovy pyjamas...

World's largest telescope completed; "May see light at end of tunnel." 0
apepper 4 years

The Atacama large milllimetre/submillimetre array (ALMA) in Chile is the largest, most complex telescope ever built. The director of the telescope has optimistic expectations: "ALMA will be able to...

Isaac Newton finally to receive Nobel Prize. Next time Archimedes. 0
Ostsee 4 years
OJ and Foxy Knoxy both 'strangely hesitant' about pairing 0
pere floza 4 years
Celebrity crime rate rises as Aktinson's daughter steals spotlight at film show 0
Ian Searle 4 years
Judges say no to hard Knox life 0
Ian Searle 4 years

Adding, "the sun will come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar"...

Paperboy Shortage Hits as All Teenagers Go to University 1
kga6 4 years

With university fees set to rise from next year, every child leaving school this year has applied for a place on any course offered, just so they don't miss out. Parent, Julia Smith says, "It's like...

England full time alcoholic blames IRB for blighting his career 0
kevinkp 4 years

England hooligan and bon viveur, mike cuteo, today lambasted the old codgers at the, International Rugby Board for demanding too much from england's full time internationally acclaimed, superstars...