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Flippers banned from school swimming lessons 0
greg various 3 years

as dolphins in the pool might distract the little darlings from learning how to swim...

Libyan mercenaries join protestors to demand new boss 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Ice cream maker says it is not only his customers that are getting milked 0
3 years

he assures this reporter that it is very hygienic as he uses listermint before spitting the mothers breast milk into a teapot...

Channel 4 presents it's new quiz show Q addafi where the Quiz master a dashing 0
3 years

mo'amor will interrogate citizens that do not have the same view of Libya as he does.At the pilot show Producers said when gutsy folk were just standing in front of Mo'amor being tortured was, well...

5 killed in Libyan Capital as mercenaries take a half day for the long weekend 0
3 years
Man who watches Red Deer says... 4
riesler 3 years

"Hind sight is a wonderful thing"...

ONS confirm the contents of Albert Smith's wallet shrank by more than expected 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years

Earlier reports of a 0.5% shrinkage in December have now been amended to reflect the bad weather, Christmas overspending and Mr Smith's wife's additional trips to the tanning parlour The Office for...

New Microsoft CEO promises to personally investigate each and every crash report 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Kate Middleton wins universal adulation for walking and smiling... 1
Doylem 3 years

William and Kate faced their first official engagement as a royal couple, when they launched a lifeboat on Anglesey. Carmen Golightly, royal watcher and sycophant, was impressed. “Kate tackled her...

Jimmy Saville: Where is he now then, now then? 0
beau-jolly 3 years

Moron soon...

Peace envoy Blair steps in and threatens Gaddafi with an ASBO 1
Stan 3 years

Tony Blair, the United Nations’ Middle East envoy has broken his silence on the tense situation in Libya by calling for tough sanctions against Colonel Gaddafi such as the introduction of an ASBO....

Greggs guilty of making a Cornish pastiche 0
simonjmr 3 years
Doom and Gloom merchants see profits rise by 90% 1
3 years
New National Lottery Game To Be Launched Soon! 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

Based on which shade of fake tan will Cameron be wearing this week...

Dame Edna's son, Kenny, is the hit of London fashion week 1
Ian Searle 3 years
Grim Reaper fed up with people telling him he "looks like death" 2
Ian Searle 3 years
Cameron To Model Himself On Gaddafi...... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

..Come 2015...

Western workers flee democracy in middle-east... 0
LostLad 3 years
Little ships converge on Isle of Wight to rescue stranded residents... 0
Doylem 3 years

An armada of small boats is on the way to the Isle of Wight, after Portsmouth Coastguards intercepted a message in a dandelion & burdock bottle that had been washed up on the shore. The message...

Harvey's launch Bristol Ice Cream 2
beau-jolly 3 years
Cameron sends ship to rescue Brits in middle of Libyan desert 2
John Wiltshire 3 years

Prime Minister David Cameron today announed a daring new initiative to rescue Brits stuck in the middle of the Libyan desert., 'We're sending a huge ship,' he announced proudly. 'We'll soon have...

UK economy. Contraction caused by New Labour? 0
beau-jolly 3 years

An economist explains: “It had certainly been well f***ed.”...

Wall's launch new 'Raspberry Nipple' 0
rickwestwell 3 years
Ice cream seller sorry for typo - 'It's actually beast milk ice cream' 2
John Wiltshire 3 years

The Covent Garden ice cream seller who advertises breast milk ice cream at fourteen quid a shot has apologised for a typo in the advertising., 'I'm very sorry,' he said, 'but it's actually beast...

Despots defend record round of bonuses in 2010 2
Skylarking 3 years

Members of the ‘Confederation of Dictators, Tyrants Autocrats and Unelected Heads of State’ have been vigorously defending the latest round of bonuses that they have awarded themselves over the...

Tit shape ice cream cornets go on sale 0
Tammy Flugh 3 years
“Just be yourself” replaced by “be somebody else” in honest guide to dating... 0
Doylem 3 years
Scrap Thieves Steal Salford 10
Lucy4 3 years

The northern city of Manchester, still reeling from the loss of its public toilets, libraries and swimming pools after swingeing finance cuts, has today been left devastated by the theft of its twin...

Cat learns "thumbs up" after hitch hiking home when lost. 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Jesus was uncomfortable on the cross, reveals new celebrity body language expert 0
ronseal 3 years

A celebrity body language guru, who cast his expert eye on pictures of the crucifixion, has revealed that Jesus probably didn't enjoy the day much., Writing in Heat magazine, Polly Gordon says Jesus...