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After a stuttering start, The King's Speech to close in West End. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.04.12 12:36pm
dominic_mcg
King's Speech play stutters to an early halt. Same old same old say critics. 0
weematt 20.04.12 12:35pm
weematt
Telco announces automated helpline for victims of automated cold calls

An enterprising communications company has introduced a new phone service, aimed at those who never receive ‘real calls’ on their landlines, only automated ones. HassleComs International has...

0
Clarky 20.04.12 11:37am
Clarky
Liverpool to Remember Pompei

Following the successful act of rememberance of the Titanic disaster through 48 hours of giant-sized marionette dock-side puppetry, Liverpool city council are to commemorate the AD79 destruction of...

3
Bonaparte Shandy 20.04.12 11:32am
Midfield Diamond
Government believed to have been using Diminished Reality App for 2 months.

augmentation later...

0
weematt 20.04.12 11:08am
weematt
“I’m the best damn thang you eva had” Breivik tells court

Unhinged Caucasian rights activist and part-time Black Panther, Anders Breivik, has told the Norwegian court that he is “the best damn thang they [i]eva[/i] had”, in a prolonged outburst of...

0
Old Hat 20.04.12 10:57am
Old Hat
"We'll raise fuel duty while you're watching Bolt win 100 metre final" - MP

The Government plans to announce a 30p-a-litre rise in fuel duty at the exact moment Usain Bolt crosses the finish line in this summer's Olympic 100-metre final., It is one of a series of bold bad...

0
clicktingstampz 20.04.12 10:24am
clicktingstampz
Couple banned for having '69 pets', RSPCA found hoard of mouthwash. 0
MADJEZ 20.04.12 9:29am
MADJEZ
Plastic surgeon discovered in wrong bin. 0
MADJEZ 20.04.12 9:23am
MADJEZ
Theresa May ‘even tried Cillit Bang’ to remove Abu Qatada

Home Secretary, Theresa May, today admitted the desperate lengths to which the Government has gone in its ongoing battle to remove Abu Qatada. ‘Obviously, we started out with standard judicial...

9
Qoxiivi 20.04.12 9:22am
Qoxiivi
Bottled Burkina Faso Spring Water to be the new trend.

a must when jogging across the Sahara...

0
Tomfinger 20.04.12 8:59am
Tomfinger
Scientists won't let you have a go of their sonic screwdriver

Millions of Britons awoke to the news, this morning, that science had finally made itself useful and invented some really cool shit. Researchers at Dundee university have created a machine that uses...

0
Old Hat 20.04.12 8:24am
Old Hat
Are you a Luddite? Download our free iPhone app to find out! 0
grumblechops 20.04.12 8:20am
grumblechops
Bradford to compete on Ask The Family 0
cinquecento 20.04.12 7:56am
cinquecento
2012 London marathon to be conducted by public transport

Organisers have dropped a bombshell by announcing that all competitors in Sunday’s London marathon will have to complete the run by double decker bus, in a move inspired by pioneering British bus...

2
Yikes 20.04.12 7:53am
Yikes
Anglian Water rebrand as Angolan Water 0
charlies_hat 20.04.12 7:24am
charlies_hat
F1 drivers ask "What muppet put a Grand Prix near Manama?" 0
weematt 20.04.12 7:10am
weematt
Breadknife voted best thing before sliced bread.

Hat tip to Stephen Wright who raised the question...

0
weematt 20.04.12 6:58am
weematt
RSPCA condemns BNP calls to 'punch Abu's cat harder'

I know, i know. As my mum used to say, 'if you don't have anything funny to say, then say nothing at all'...

0
Perks 20.04.12 6:54am
Perks
Andre Breivik, Charlie Sheen And Ted Nugent Kick Off Their 'Three Maniacs' Tour

Andre Breivik, the Norwegian extreme right wing mass murderer, Ted Nugent, the Detroit 'Motorcity Madman' (in so many ways more than the original intent) and Charlie Sheen, the 'Platoon Psycho', will...

0
19.04.12 9:47pm
Breivik, Hitler, And Churchill in rock, paper, scissors stalemate 0
Smart Alex 19.04.12 7:45pm
Smart Alex
Plastic Surgeon Admits He Avoids Bonfire Night

A leading Harley Street Plastic Surgeon claims to hate the 5th of November. Apparently he begins to melt...

1
GillsImp 19.04.12 6:52pm
GillsImp
Tobacco giant holds sponsored cigarrette burning to help cancer research

On saturday employess, stakeholders and partners of the Big Tobacco company are holding a giant fund raising campaign that could raise millions for cancer research. They're asking every man, woman...

1
ronseal 19.04.12 6:47pm
beau-jolly
Abu Qatada to be deported "piece by piece"

Controversial cleric Abu Qatada is to gradually removed from the country. A spokesman explained; "One hand and eye have gone already, more bits will follow as and when."...

4
apepper 19.04.12 6:22pm
bonjonelson
Attenborough ‘Finishes’ Lemon in Mortal Kombat

Celebrity Muse and part-time skank wrangler, Keith Lemon, has been comprehensively ‘finished’ in Mortal Kombat by non-promiscuous naturalist, sir David Attenborough. The encounter, which took...

6
Old Hat 19.04.12 6:21pm
bonjonelson
The time is 11 o' clock Greenwich, meantime here's another cock-up 6
yussle 19.04.12 5:36pm
charlies_hat
FA to investigate whether it could award Man United penalties in retrospect

The Football Association is to investigate allegations that it hasn't awarded Manchester United enough penalties and has commissioned a study to find new sources of spot kicks. ., MORE LATER...

0
ronseal 19.04.12 3:39pm
ronseal
Harrogate man dies in Britain's worst ever Tupperware Landslide

A Grandfather from Harrogate has become the first Briton to die as a result of a Tupperware landslide. Ron Stevens, 63, was buried alive without warning by a 17ft high pile of plastic on Sunday...

5
seymour totti 19.04.12 3:31pm
seymour totti
Murdoch to appear before Leveson Inquiry

Lovable A-Team buffon, Murdoch, is to appear before the Leveson inquiry on Wednesday and Thursday next week. A spokesperson for the enquiry issued the following statement; "We've exhausted all our...

0
Old Hat 19.04.12 3:22pm
Old Hat
Breaking News: Crazy-Legs to play Syrian peacekeeping role 0
Old Hat 19.04.12 2:35pm
Old Hat