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Rush of middle-aged men volunteer to study sex in prisons

The prison authority has been inundated by middle aged men volunteering to study sex in prison. A spokesman said that they had received many requests to study lesbianism in the prison kitchens and...

ironbridgeboy 27.06.12 7:35am
Housing benefit to be cut for people having sex in prison.

more sex please, we're British...

ironbridgeboy 27.06.12 7:23am
Hairdressing hit by pun shortage

British hairdressers are struggling to expand as they've run out of punning shop names. "To be honest, we've been scraping the barrel for a few years now - 'Hairitage', 'Hair Today', 'Do Yer Nut' - I...

apepper 27.06.12 7:14am
Discovering the dark truth of life on housing benefits.

In a sign of how our desparate age of austerity is pitching ordinary working people against each other, we spoke with a man, currently of no fixed abode. We'll call him David. David, 46, comes...

Miss Hegas 27.06.12 6:59am
Jersey votes to become part of Argentina

More to follow...

Denis Dijon 27.06.12 6:51am
Denis Dijon
The world wakes up to the sadness that Justin Bieber is still alive 0
simonjmr 27.06.12 6:32am
Former Vestal Virgin snatched 1
medici2471 27.06.12 2:53am
Tight-fisted Djokovic sports UNIQLO tops because "they are two for £7.99".

Tennis superstar Novak Djokovic wears UNIQLO clothing on court because "I hate parting with money", he revealed today. The secret scrooge, who shops on Ebay for his socks, his shorts and his...

Boutros 27.06.12 2:05am
App shows phone call content gets ever more banal as day goes on

Data recently compiled by Apple's iPhone app, Eve’sDropper, shows that people all over the world start their day with high-powered, meaningful conversations and then progressively descend into...

Nails UK 27.06.12 1:05am
Internet Trolls demand faster connectivity beneath bridges

A spokesman for the Troll community today called on the government to improve network connectivity in their natural habitat, claiming data transfer speeds achievable beneath bridges often fall...

grumblechops 27.06.12 12:58am
Obituary: Michael ‘Mickey’ Tiddler

Wartime music hall legend, Michael “Mickey” Tiddler, has passed away at home earlier today peacefully in his sleep following a short illness. Tiddler loved throughout the country for his amazing...

Duff 26.06.12 11:16pm
David Cameron is a posh cunt.

err, not funny, just an observation...

arthurminnit 26.06.12 10:41pm
Delay in fuel duty rise reduces Carr tax liability 0
charlies_hat 26.06.12 10:25pm
Thatcher now “too weak to strike a miner”

Margaret Thatcher now lacks the strength of punch to render any meaningful damage to the face of a miner, according to a recent statement from her daughter Carol. The health of Baroness Thatcher has...

grumblechops 26.06.12 10:20pm
Big Ben Tower Renamed as Sir Ticks-A-Lot 0
thisisall1word 26.06.12 10:10pm
Murray completely forgiven for last 7 years after winning first round

Murray has won over all the critics after beating Davydenko today in straight sets, a sure-fire signal that he is on track to finally get in the finals, or at least lose convincingly in the semis....

quango 26.06.12 9:37pm
Elizabeth Tower to be known as Big Ben

rien ne change...

beau-jolly 26.06.12 9:13pm
Belgium to replace Scotland in a new leaner united kingdom

Belgium has emerged as the hot favourite to replace Scotland on its departure from the united kingdom. After all night talks, David Cameron and Belgian Prime Minister Elio Di Rupo, emerged this...

The Masked Frog 26.06.12 9:09pm
News International to split into "legal" and "crooked"

News International is to split into two separate companies; the crooked side of the business is to be operated separately as a half-organised crime syndicate. "We've struggled in the past as we have...

apepper 26.06.12 8:38pm
Communications from extra terrestrials “overlooked as Dubstep”

A spokesman for NASA today revealed that a series of interstellar communications from an alien lifeform have been mistakenly interpreted as music, spawning a new sub-genre known as “Dubstep”....

grumblechops 26.06.12 7:07pm
Greece reveals financial recovery plan "A Tenner on Murray to win at Wimbledon"

more later...

dvo4fun 26.06.12 6:11pm
Failure to find credible fourth seed prevents Wimbledon from starting at semis

Andy Murray’s Wimbledon seeding of fourth has once again made it impossible for tournament organisers to “cut through all the boring shit” and start at the semi finals. With Novak Djokovic,...

grumblechops 26.06.12 5:12pm
Was Shakespeare A Nazi? New Channel 5 Doc "Triumph of the Quill" Says Yea 0
Iggy Pop-Barker 26.06.12 4:33pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
BBC to run repeats of weather forecasts from the long hot summer of '76

to cheer everybody up...

Tomfinger 26.06.12 4:30pm
Hart to return to Krak ‘one’ òw!

Blue Joe to follow Buffon’s Porn Regime Following Sunday’s inevitable penalty shoot out loss to the Azzurri, England’s ‘non-stopper’, Joe Hart, has decided to ditch the high tech approach...

Njinski 26.06.12 4:16pm
McGuiness not amused as Queen uses '800v' hand buzzer during historic handshake 0
thackaray 26.06.12 4:12pm
Royal Handshake Sponsorship Concerns

With thousands of people lining the streets in Belfast waiting to greet the Queen, concerns have been expressed about the over commercialisation of her Diamond Jubilee - presented by De Beers -tour....

custard cream 26.06.12 3:51pm
Blood stocks crisis as transfusion service says “Virgins only”

Blood stocks in the UK are at an all time low as the blood transfusion service made a controversial decision last week to change the sexual history questions on its donor health check. Previously,...

Nails UK 26.06.12 3:39pm
Nails UK
LOCOG confirms crackdown on Olympic Brand-Breakers

The London Organising Committee for the Olympic Games (LOCOG) says harsh penalties have been agreed with the Government and the IOC, for anyone in the UK caught watching the Olympics while in...

Mrblacker 26.06.12 3:36pm
Bailiffs Reposess False Limbs at Bankrupt South London NHS Hospital

Bailiffs today were sent into the Queen Elizabeth Hospital by creditors as the near bankrupt trust has run up debts of £69 Million. Amid scenes of chaos, prosthetic limbs were being seized by...

Scronnyglonkle 26.06.12 3:06pm