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Santa criticised for favouring rich kids when leaving expensive gifts 0
andhrimnir 18.12.12 12:26pm
Sinister left wing schoolteacher sect hell bent on eliminating competitive games

School teachers are competing with each other to crush the human spirit in children, it was confirmed today. The proof of the assumption we've all known about, was finally delivered today by the...

ronseal 18.12.12 11:51am
Mystery of Hundreds of abandoned dog poo bags sparks Marie Celeste style inquiry

It's a mystery that has puzzled hikers everywhere. Why did so many people take a plastic bag out their pockets, pick up a poo and tie it in a neat bow, only to suddenly abandon it?...

ronseal 18.12.12 11:38am
Austerity measures to hit Santa's rounds

"Only 7 out of 10 children will get a present this year." Less soon...

Shakes McNails 18.12.12 10:38am
Shakes McNails
One dead, two pregnant, five sacked in ‘best ever office Christmas party’

Employees at an office supply firm in Leatherhead were celebrating today after their annual Christmas party topped their previous record for fatalities, colleague impregnation and on-the-spot...

Long Distance Clara 18.12.12 9:08am
Face of Jesus not found in bad artists' painting of Jesus 0
Dumbnews 18.12.12 7:53am
Lunar gravity satellites just the latest NASA hoax, claims leading crank.

NASA's two gravity mapping satellites, each the size of a washer-dryer, are washer dryers, claims top conspiracy theorist Charles Ramsbottom III. Pointing to the similarity in weight and overall...

Boutros 18.12.12 2:05am
Brian Blessed musk unexpected hit this Christmas

If you’ve yet to buy something for the loved one in your life, Blessed Musk could be the answer you were looking for, but act quickly! Following a chance discovery in June it has been revealed...

button 18.12.12 1:04am
Very Little Else
Please vote-down my Top-ten sub

Relocation of NewsBiscuit website to Isle of Wight 'Successful' Not funny but just making a point. Ruining funny people of a place. Cheers. Ant...

antharrison 18.12.12 12:12am
Poll confirms majority of men are unimpressed with period dramas 5
Dick Everyman 17.12.12 10:50pm
The All New Jeni B
PR agency for Heythrop hunts searches for snappy strapline 0
Dick Everyman 17.12.12 10:24pm
Dick Everyman
Ian Hislop confirms he is never more than 6ft away from a writ 5
Dick Everyman 17.12.12 10:11pm
Dick Everyman
Paul Daniels faces extinction due to winter sleep in bonfires

Dimuinutive former TV magician and wig wearer of the year 1985, faces extinctiion due to his fascination with sleeping under piles of leaves and twigs dutring the winter months, and subsequently...

simonjmr 17.12.12 10:09pm
Tess Goes
SCOTLAND CENSUS RESULTS - More Scots carry STD's than mobile phones

This week a closer look at the Scotland Census results showed that more Scots carry Sexually Transmitted Diseases than mobile phones. With over 3.2million people admit to carrying a mobile phone...

Mr Brightside 17.12.12 10:03pm
US towns of Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley and Kennedy to review gun controls

Hopefully no more soon...

Dick Everyman 17.12.12 9:05pm
Dick Everyman
Historians concede Stonehenge “just a big Christmas tree stand”

After five years, Dr Zeuss Almonde of the Circle Druidic Ecole Angleterre conceded that the Ancients who had constructed Stonehenge had done so to prop up a giant Christmas Tree “It is true that...

brownpaperreporter 17.12.12 9:05pm
George Galloway: 'Conversion to Islam depends on Mahmoud' 3
Connews 17.12.12 9:02pm
Ravi Shankar's memoirs reveal 'world music' to be a con, shock !

In memoirs released immediately following his death it is claimed that the term 'world music' was just a term fabricated in an attempt to make boring music played on hand-made traditional instruments...

barkingbazz 17.12.12 8:50pm
Leaked David Attenborough sex tape goes viral in animal kingdom 0
charlies_hat 17.12.12 8:41pm
Osborne considers introducing Christmas everyday to boost economic growth

Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has today announced a possible move to a daily celebration of Christmas to boost the ailing retail sector and help economic growth. First mooted by glam...

Shakes McNails 17.12.12 7:36pm
Shakes McNails
BBC REPORT- Playing 'Guess Who' while Watching 'Crimewatch' makes it More Fun

BBC have encouraged viewers to play 'Guess Who' during Crimewatch in a bid to increase numbers. BBC staff said the move was to bring more 'fun' into the depressing show. "Did Eric do it? Or was it...

Mr Brightside 17.12.12 6:44pm
Chalara Fraxinea wins Spores Personality of the Year. 5
malgor 17.12.12 6:03pm
Dick Everyman
Gary Lineker given royal dressing-down after TV Middleton leak

Gary Lineker, who lead the BBC presentation team on last night's Sports Review of the Year, has been severely reproached by Buckingham Palace. Lineker, a 52 year old commoner from Leicester, ...

17.12.12 5:57pm
Locals rush to take advantage of miser’s breakdown

The people of Tricklewood, East London took advantage of local miser Eric Scrooge after he suffered a mental collapse, a jury at the High Court heard today. Police Constable Stanley Gibbons...

Darkbill 2.0 17.12.12 5:24pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Enraged Tesco staff turn on customers with Value screwdrivers 3
Drylaw 17.12.12 5:03pm
Man takes cold sore to court

A Surrey man has today taken the unprecedented step of suing a cold sore which appeared yesterday on his bottom lip. Peter Williamson, 42, from Wraysbury, confirmed that he took the action as a last...

Shakes McNails 17.12.12 3:33pm
Shakes McNails
Good news for insomniacs - only two sleeps until Christmas

Sadly, not original. I heard it on the radio at the weekend but thought it amusing enough to share here...

Midfield Diamond 17.12.12 3:17pm
Hibernating grizzly bear found in Texas after 3000 mile sleepwalk 0
Idiot 17.12.12 3:06pm
Osborne considers introducing Christmas everyday to boost economic growth

Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has today announced a possible move to a daily celebration of Christmas to boost the ailing retail sector and help economic growth. First mooted by glam...

Shakes McNails 17.12.12 3:04pm
Shakes McNails
SHOCK REPORT - All Shampoos 'double up' as Satisfactory Body Wash

Despite the separation in 'shampoo' and 'hair and body wash' bottles, it has been revealed that all shampoos can also be used to wash the skin of any human body. Researchers at Abertay University...

Mr Brightside 17.12.12 3:00pm