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Mars Curiosity Rover gets first parking ticket 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 06.08.12 1:27pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Olympic Athletes in panic as cliche supply dries up

The phenomenal and awesome performance of the Supermen and Women of Team GB was thrown into question last night as it emerged that there were no more sporting cliches available to repeat ad nauseum...

0
deluca 06.08.12 1:23pm
deluca
Colin Moynihan to open shooting academy in Liverpook

Colin Moynihan has decided to open a sports academy for shooting in Liverpool after his comments that all our winners are from private schools. He said there is clearly a great talent for shooting in...

7
tonyhill 06.08.12 1:16pm
Perks
Chinese restaurant arsonist accused of wonton destruction 3
jp1885 06.08.12 12:06pm
seymour totti
Argentina emerge as strong favourites in handball tournament

More soon....

3
custard cream 06.08.12 12:04pm
seymour totti
Team GB urged to be ‘more triumphal’ over emphatic thrashing of French

Britain’s Olympians have been urged to make more of their astonishing success, and take the opportunity to ‘really rub it in’ to the French. Just days after French President Francois Hollande...

11
06.08.12 12:02pm
kimllfixit
BBC DRIVING US ALL PHENOMENTAL!

According to a new poll out today, an astonishing 87% of the Great British public are fed up with BBC commentators and interviewees repeatedly using the word ‘phenomenal’ during coverage of the...

2
Reg Herring 06.08.12 11:42am
butagirl
Man. Utd. Captain delighted to be selected as Olympic 2016 host 0
custard cream 06.08.12 11:37am
custard cream
Mensch Smiles Better As Batman Pussy

The truth behind Tory MP Louise Mensch’s shock decision to quit the UK for the USA emerged today – she is to star in the next Batman movie as The Joker’s twin sister, Cheshire Catwoman. Batman...

0
Reg Herring 06.08.12 10:57am
Reg Herring
Olympic excitement as Worlds fastest man runs faster than some other men ...

in other breaking news the Pope lives in Rome!...

0
Kramaring 06.08.12 10:11am
Kramaring
Man with weak shoulder joint appears in Dislocation, Relocation, Dislocation 0
Smart Alex 06.08.12 9:58am
Smart Alex
Olympic bottle thrower identified as member of West Ham due diligence team.

.. or Chelsea, etc...

0
weematt 06.08.12 9:21am
weematt
Earth about to occupy similar position in space as it did when riots started

Observant news editors have spotted that planet Earth is about to return to much the same position along the ecliptic as it occupied when certain British towns and cities were subject to rioting. The...

0
Boutros 06.08.12 8:23am
Boutros
John Terry celebrates his Olympic Gold: "Much of the credit goes to Usain Bolt"

more soon. cheers perks [chat room]...

1
dvo4fun 06.08.12 7:55am
dvo4fun
Seb Coe admits Olympics was all done by CGI special effects. 0
godly1966 06.08.12 7:53am
godly1966
[Sub removed by author's carer] 1
Boutros 06.08.12 7:27am
Golgo13
Gove wants to introduce Gold* medal at next Olympics 9
antharrison 06.08.12 6:59am
arthurminnit
British "Incuriosity" rover successfully lands on Mars. Signals "Whatever"

First communication from the surface: "The whole planet is red, rocky and boring. Can I go home now?" Stumped after thissomeone care to carry on?...

1
JohnA 05.08.12 11:42pm
dvo4fun
Britain's champion whinger on track for Olympic success

Blackpool pensioner Bert Williams (68) has kept up an unbroken whinge about the Olympic Games since the day London was awarded the event in 2005. 'I've written at least one letter a day to Lord Coe...

1
roybland 05.08.12 8:59pm
JohnA
lifted straight from the BBC site

Tim Henman, Olympic silver medallist and BBC Sport tennis pundit, "It's another step towards Olympic gold for Murray, who has really given Federer no breathing space. The hitting has been so clean...

4
arthurminnit 05.08.12 7:36pm
quango
Team GB hotly tipped for Bronze in finals of the Medals Table 0
Iscariot 05.08.12 7:16pm
Iscariot
NASA's Curiosity Rover lands on Mars, prepares to meet Martian diplomatic team 0
thesilverflute 05.08.12 6:57pm
thesilverflute
Mitt Romney endorsed by Elvis Presley

The Mitt Romney US presidential campaign scored another PR success when it added Elvis to the list of celebrity endorsements. Romney was already marginally ahead of the opposition with such big...

0
pete1774 05.08.12 6:49pm
pete1774
A set and a break up...Murray nationality journey reaches Berwick outskirts 11
Ironduke 05.08.12 6:35pm
Ironduke
FTSE Cynicism Index hits new lows as Britain embraces Olympics

Hardened cynics were falling like flies as Andy Murray, Jessica Ennis, Mo Farah and that ginger haired one all won Olympic gold. Against all odds, Britain's cyclists, rowers and sailors overcame a...

0
JohnA 05.08.12 5:23pm
JohnA
Royal Mail Announce Partnership with Stratford Massive As Mail Boxes Blinged Up

In an attempt to boost their flagging revenue: Royal Mail have teamed up with a number of London's more progressive drug gangs, anxious to break free from their seedy 'crack house' image, by...

0
Nowherefast 05.08.12 4:07pm
Nowherefast
larger bodied, extreme, archaeologist who also doubles as a swineherd, irish

dancer, scaffolder and toupee maker required. so if you are a bigger giga-digger pigger jigger rigger wigger please apply. applications from black people actively encouraged....

1
arthurminnit 05.08.12 2:52pm
Ironduke
Men's coxless four 'a tragic inspiration to us all' says the Queen 1
Midnight Dreary 05.08.12 2:13pm
Ironduke
Shit hits fan as superlatives and laxatives mistakenly mixed 0
nickb 05.08.12 2:08pm
nickb
'Why was I refused Joanna Rowsell interview?' asks Clare Balding 6
Haywood Manley 05.08.12 2:03pm
arthurminnit