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Prime Minister Goes On Holiday

to Cameroon (Cameron!)...

5
Leopold Gasket 03.04.12 9:55am
beau-jolly
Proclaimers singer comes clean - “would have gone 25 miles tops, and by train”

Proclaimer’s singer Charlie Reid says that despite being wild and carefree in his youth, there is no way he really contemplated walking 500 miles, let alone 500 more, especially for a woman....

1
Yikes 03.04.12 9:53am
Yikes
Milk of human kindness to be available in UHT form

Dairy Crest has announced they will make the milk of human kindness in a long life sterilised form for those who cannot afford reliable refrigeration. Marketing Director Alan James said "It's in...

7
nickb 03.04.12 9:45am
beau-jolly
CEO's fish-bone diagram criticized for ignoring the meat and potatoes 3
Dumbnews 03.04.12 8:42am
simonjmr
Falklands claim sovereignty over Agentina

The Falkland Islands have claimed the Argentine as Falkland territory. "They're only 200 miles away, so they should clearly come under our control."...

0
apepper 03.04.12 8:31am
apepper
Play Doh face Michael Gove much needed member of the cabinet insists Cameron 0
rustytruss 03.04.12 8:23am
rustytruss
Plans to monitor web site visits ‘outrageous’ NO THEY’RE NOT 0
Duncan Biscuit 03.04.12 8:13am
Duncan Biscuit
Mancini gaffe as he tweets ‘Shattered but happy after Blackburn triumph’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 03.04.12 8:12am
Duncan Biscuit
Aung San gaffe as she tweets ‘Shattered but happy after Blackburn triumph' 0
Duncan Biscuit 03.04.12 8:12am
Duncan Biscuit
Gove acts after signs that criticism of ‘A’ level standards is getting easier 0
Duncan Biscuit 03.04.12 8:11am
Duncan Biscuit
Damien Hirst labelled as "Fat Cat Banksy" by critics 0
Scronnyglonkle 03.04.12 7:58am
Scronnyglonkle
Apple introduce new virtual computer – the MacCloud 0
weematt 03.04.12 7:48am
weematt
Gillette confirm "reduces tug and pull" is a masturbation euphemism 1
simonjmr 03.04.12 7:35am
cinquecento
“Oh bollocks...” says Argentinean President [optional title suggestions below]

In a move which has shocked the colonialist community, a group of indigenous southern American people has claimed sovereignty of the area now described as ‘Argentina’. Argentinean President...

6
dvo4fun 03.04.12 7:15am
dvo4fun
Jocky Wilson put to rest in authentic Viking burial

Former darts world champion Jocky Wilson, who died last week, was today put to rest at sea in the traditional Viking fashion, strapped to a burning longboat surrounded with flaming barrels of tar,...

5
Gong of Fur 03.04.12 7:05am
dvo4fun
Francis Maude launches new "Fuel around me" app

The new app tells motorist if there is fuel within a 200 mile radius and if the petrol station has had delivery with the past two days. Developed by software house iSuck, it is the governments first...

0
Scronnyglonkle 03.04.12 6:55am
Scronnyglonkle
Semi-coherent headline...

Weak follow-up pun...

20
Vertically Challenged Giant 03.04.12 6:29am
Vertically Challenged Giant
leading website developer challenged on cleanliness of website animations..

told to use Flash liquid! (Flash = tool for creating website animations)...

8
Leopold Gasket 03.04.12 6:19am
nickb
American Fish Found To Be Very Fast

it has a zippy cod! (Zip code)...

0
Leopold Gasket 02.04.12 11:19pm
Leopold Gasket
Ed Balls shocked by dyslexic rhyming slang...

"Balls sounds nothing like dick-head" says politician, responding to claims cockney rhyming slang is dying out and new similes are being invented...

0
Bismarck 02.04.12 11:14pm
Bismarck
New US cop show stars the Old Etonian Police Department: West and Lewis OEPD

Dominic West and Damian Lewis are no ordinary maverick cops fighting crime in the only way they know how. Because they've been seconded from a new elite unit, known as the OEPD - the Old Etonian...

0
ronseal 02.04.12 11:09pm
ronseal
Michael Gove exposed as Damian Hirst Installation

"Formaldehyde cows were just the start" claims artist...

0
Bismarck 02.04.12 11:05pm
Bismarck
Bird Tweets He Is Not Happy

More to follow. (Birds actually tweet!)...

1
Leopold Gasket 02.04.12 10:49pm
brbinstead
Days of Wine and Roses Over for Mancini as United beat Blackburn

United's "two for the Road " at Blackburn seem to have sent Mancini's hopes of title going down the Blue " Moon River"., The prospect of playing out a "Charade" to the end season is not the "love...

1
Otis B Driftwood 02.04.12 10:37pm
dvo4fun
Soz, posted twice. 1
Iscariot 02.04.12 10:10pm
Ironduke
Tanker drivers demand "4 star talks" not "diesel do" 0
Iscariot 02.04.12 9:13pm
Iscariot
Government to install David Cameron telescreens in every home

The British public have expressed delight at plans to introduce 24-hour surveillance telescreens into their homes that will beam out the massive face of David Cameron. ‘We were planning to...

7
Ludicity 02.04.12 8:55pm
Iscariot
Banksy artwork bankrupts collector

Art collector Julian Scrivens was initially ecstatic when he placed the winning bid for a piece of work by the reclusive artist “Banksy”, however the true cost of the work may leave him...

6
beau-jolly 02.04.12 7:57pm
Perks
Bird Stands Firm over Twitter Ban

More to follow...

6
GillsImp 02.04.12 7:24pm
Golgo13
Blackburn v Man Utd game to go ahead despite Gael Givet ankle injury

The football family was rocked again today with the news that Blackburn fullback Gael Givet will not be available for tonight's game, as his ankle injury has failed to clear up. His manager Steve...

5
grottymonty 02.04.12 6:51pm
grottymonty