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Nick Griffin re-elected as BNP leader by ‘crushing’ nine-vote margin 0
Christopher Frost 3 years

British National Party members have given Nick Griffin an overwhelming mandate after re-electing him as leader by the crushing margin of nine votes. His humiliated opponent Andrew Brons managed a...

Maternity wards to be adopted by wolves 16
3 years

The NHS has welcomed an agreement to hand maternity care to the wolves. Long recognised as the ideal animal for raising children, the successful bid was supported by references from Mowgli and a...

Commuter deodorant Crisis 0
Wellsonian 3 years

As all major labels continue to push "Lasts 48 hours or Longer" Anti Perspirant/Deodorants experienced Commuters commented. "Dear god please no!" . Interviewed one Stephen Giles of Surrey said "Its...

Dull hosts fake 'edgy' parties by hiring 'Strop-A-Grams' 3
3 years

A new service is being offered to the socially inadequate, so they can pretend to live life in the fast lane. For a price, a 'strop-A-gram' will turn up to your party and make it an event no-one can...

Hamilton "I'm Quitting" stuns motor racing fans 6
dvo4fun 3 years

Acknowledging that "I have just been wasting my life" 26 year old Lewis Hamilton, Formula 1 World Champion in 2008, revealed this morning his immediate retirement from the sport. His McLaren car...

Criticism For Zoo Autopsy Plan 0
Drylaw 3 years

Edinburgh Zoo has announced plans to carry out a post mortem on a large mammal before a live audience in August. Zoo bosses emphasised that it was part of their remit to educate as well as entertain...

Altruism Alert Raised to 'Severe' as Londoner Acknowledges Fellow Man 7
f0zz 3 years

Central London was brought to a standstill last night after an explosion of politeness ripped through the city. The spontaneous outburst of avuncularity was attributed to Martin Kimble, 27, a graphic...

Good day to bury "Bad News" is correct due to lovely weather 0
thackaray 3 years

Today, was hailed by the vicar, as a good day to bury Bad News since the weather forecasters had predicted rain and gales but it instead turned out sunny and pleasant for the mourners. Mr Bad News,...

Retail sales fell in may. Government blame good/bad weather 1
virtuallywill 3 years

select as appropriate...

Ryanair buy Space Shuttle fleet and Kennedy Space Centre for Disneyland holidays 0
Iamthestig 3 years
Justin Bieber To Quit Music Over Lack Of Critical Recognition 0
Textbook 3 years

Justin Bieber may have millions of adoring teenage fans and indeed the millions of dollars spent by those millions of fans. His face is on computer screens, TV screens, best-selling CDs, a popular...

Scientists create human-ape hybrid. Rooney sues for copyright breach. 2
Son of Barnabas 3 years

Winehouse dubbed “heroine” by top heroin dealer 0
nickb 3 years

Britain’s top drugs dealer paid tribute to Amy Winehouse, calling her an “A class ambassador for class A drugs”. The dealer, who asked not to be named, was speaking from his multimillion pound...

All BBC cafeterias to move to Salford, staff voice concern 0
nickb 3 years

The BBC is to move all staff catering facilities to its new Salford Quays complex. Staff in London say they could face round trip journeys of as long as two days to get lunch or a snack. But BBC...

Winehouse dies, Pete Doherty to play Kerry Katona in the final. 1
MADJEZ 3 years
Will all those with Amy Winehouse jokes please form a line. 1
Iscariot 3 years

It's what she would have wanted...

ToysRUs recall ‘Hadron Kaleidoscope’ product after black hole consumes toddler. 6
Corrigan 3 years
Fussy young dung beetles spurning dung, older beetles complain 4
Oxbridge 3 years

To zoologists, they are nature’s great recyclers, the 5,000 or so species that feed on faeces and maintain the ecological balance of the deserts, farmlands, forests and grasslands of the world....

Hate me! Hate me again! says Nick Clegg, pissing on the Cenotaph 11
FraserWords 3 years

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg today threw several impoverished students, a cute puppy dog and Sir Bruce Forsyth onto a blazing bonfire of the lovely frocks of a naked, shivering Duchess of...

Celebrities criticised for failing to make trite comments about Amy Winehouse 2
FraserWords 3 years

Dozens of celebrities faced mounting criticism today for failing to make trite comments about Amy Winehouse via various social networks., “It’s almost as if they think their opinions don’t...

Frank Miller detained at airport after his gonads set off metal detectors. 5
Corrigan 3 years

In an ironic twist of fate, given he is about to release an anti-al Qaeda/Islamist graphic novel , comic book author Frank Miller was detained by airport security yesterday after his testicles set...

Google stumbles on unique revenue generating model of charging users 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Mobiles Show Us The Light 0
victimms 3 years

The world renowned Psychic Derek Acorah has struck a deal with Apple. He plans to release his own range of mobile phones. The I’m-Dead will now enable you to speak to, not only your living...

Pipe Smoker of the Year 2011 to be awarded posthumously. More soon. 5
dominic_mcg 3 years
Flightless, South American bird wins "rhea of the year" award. More soon. 4
dominic_mcg 3 years
Queen says factory visit was 'shit' 12
theboot 3 years

Officials at Buckingham Palace are remaining tight-lipped following the Queen's visit to a newly opened, chemical engineering plant in the West Midlands today., Staff at Prentice Chemicals in...

Sky divers bemoan low fish stocks 0
Dick Everyman 3 years
Tongue-slip sees Nicky Campbell pull out of Jo Brand's 'Big Fact Hunt' 9
f0zz 3 years

I'm so sorry...

Nitrous Oxide released in school assembly - "not funny" says headmaster 0
Dick Everyman 3 years
Newly converted vegetarian receives a standing pescetarian 0
simonjmr 3 years