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Two-day-old mayfly shares the secret of his longevity... 0
Tripod 29.09.13 5:58pm
Hermit convention proves major flop

The first in a proposed bi-annual gathering of the UK's hermits has proved to be a major let down to the organizers, who remain nameless and have refused to comment, as not one of the thousands who...

TobiasBV 29.09.13 5:53pm
Piers Morgan In Hot Water Over Offensive 'Sun' Blog

Popular chat show host Piers Morgan has found himself in hot water over a spoof blog he created, entitled "Alternative Uses For The Sun Newspaper". The blog features juvenile posts from...

Giroscope 29.09.13 4:06pm
Tom Jones impersonator arrested. Police say "It's not unusual".

Charged with possession of green green grass of home...

Maverick 29.09.13 3:54pm
Exasperated reader of satiric 'news' websites no longer able to tell what's real

After spending time reading faux or satirical news articles online, Joseph Capgras, an exasperated man from Ipswich, has recently confessed he has lost the ability to tell what is real and what is...

TobiasBV 29.09.13 3:36pm
Nopower, the new fastest growing political party, buys votes for £120 each

Ed Moribund, made no secret of his delight in the national press and TV coverage that his inaugural speech achieved. He promised voters £120 each if they vote for him and his party is elected....

2escapees 29.09.13 2:01pm
Part-time traffic signals have benefits slashed

The Secretary of State for Works and Pension, Ian Duncan-Smith, has announced that part-time traffic signals are to have their benefits cut. "This is a sensible move to encourage traffic lights to...

apepper 29.09.13 1:43pm
‘You CAN have it all,’ says plucky ‘White Widow’ Samantha

Samantha Lewthwaite, 29, is being hailed as the ultimate positive role model to British women of today. Despite suffering tragedy in her life, she has risen to be a senior figure in terror...

Oxbridge 29.09.13 1:16pm
Dennis Thatcher's fag ash to be buried in landfill 0
CulchaVulcha 29.09.13 12:43pm
Armchair General doesn't mind where he sits. 1
Al OPecia 29.09.13 12:41pm
Armchair detective finds armchair

See also armchair critic picks holes in armchair...

nickb 29.09.13 11:44am
Al OPecia
NSA Phone Monitoring Identifies Suspect Calls From White House

Yesterday President Obama heralded a breakthrough from the illegal NSA phone monitoring after it identified a White House employee had been making highly suspect calls to leaders of foreign hostile...

Deimos 29.09.13 10:53am
Angela Knight to be Satanic spokesperson 0
roybland 29.09.13 10:49am
Angela Knight to be Satanic spokesperson

The woman who is currently Chief Executive of the energy industry's trade association is soon to become spokesperson for Satan. Angela Knight, who before she joined Energy UK was Chief Executive for...

roybland 29.09.13 10:48am
Senior Police officer "calls for drugs"

Commander Dereck Smith of the Northumberland Police Force has called for drugs. Smith denied calling for the decriminalisation of hard drugs.   "The media has totally got the wrong end of the stick...

nickb 29.09.13 10:42am
Marrakech sandwich maker inducted into Moroccan roll hall of fame 0
Robopop 29.09.13 10:39am
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nickb 29.09.13 10:24am
Man turns entire house into a kitchen

A man from Stoke Newington has been hailed a genius for his use of space with his revolutionary design to turn his whole house into a kitchen., “What we wanted was a big, light, family space, for...

Sfox 29.09.13 10:17am
Cameron to give £400 a year of taxpayers’ money to Tory party members

“I believe in the Tory party.” said Dave “And now we are on the right track I believe this is the right thing for Britain. Joining the Tories was the happiest day of my life and me becoming PM...

farmer giles 29.09.13 10:00am
Berlusconi resigns “from all major perversions”...

Silvio Berlusconi has surprised the Italian electorate by resigning, with immediate effect, from all major perversions, to concentrate instead on regular sex, preferably with under-age girls. He...

Tripod 29.09.13 9:36am
Face of Jesus not found in bad painting of Jesus 0
Dumbnews 29.09.13 8:44am
After washing face in a hurry Smokey Robinson learns soap gets in your eyes 0
Smart Alex 28.09.13 9:38pm
Smart Alex
Spirit Delivers Wraith Lecture - Ghost Written Of Course 0
Titus 28.09.13 8:26pm
Coincidence Anonymous meetings start with *my* name is Arthur Jenkins too!

The association for people addicted to coincidences first meeting has collapsed into chaos when all 2,500 people turned out to all be called Arthur Jenkins. The president, Miss Arthur Jenkins, said;...

apepper 28.09.13 6:41pm
Trevor McDonald probes Women Behind Bars in new TV series

Revealing their secrets in episode 1 are Deirdre Jeffbinin from the Coach and Horses in Soho, Phylis Sy from the Dirty Duck in Dartford and Edwina Vindaloo from the House of Commons bar (or, as it is...

farmer giles 28.09.13 5:04pm
farmer giles
Grand Theft Otto Von Bismarck (1913) “the first ever video game”, say historians

“One minute your task is to penetrate the complex underwear of a fin de siècle courtesan. Then you are trying to “hot wire” an 1898 Daimler whose top speed was 12 miles per hour!” exclaims...

nickb 28.09.13 4:42pm
Jesus H
I presume we've had florists announcing the death of the Wreath Lectures?

(Sorry, I've been on holiday.)...

Titus 28.09.13 4:23pm
Islamists Anonymous Demand Right To Wear Niqābs At Their Meetings

"My name is Aamina and I am -" "How do we know? You're wearing a niqāb." "'Course I'm wearing a niqāb. It's Islamists Anonynmous innit?" "But you're not a member." "Yes I am - I paid my sub...

Titus 28.09.13 4:12pm
Amnesiacs Anonymous support group starts badly. ' My name' 1
MADJEZ 28.09.13 3:37pm
Rouhani returns to Tehran in middle of shoddy footwear protest. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 28.09.13 3:34pm