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Isle of Wight residents run in fear at sight of man in electric wheelchair

Panic has gripped the Isle of Wight after a man from the mainland driving an electric wheelchair attempted to board a train. The electrified man-machine contraption was first spotted at the ticket...

3
bonjonelson 03.04.12 1:08pm
dvo4fun
Headteachers say University designed A levels are getting easier 0
charlies_hat 03.04.12 12:29pm
charlies_hat
James Murdoch to resign from BSKYB today according to his fathers voicemail.

BSkyB Chairman seen here with his father Rupert Murdoch. http://kara.allthingsd.com/files/2007/10/other29.gif...

0
MADJEZ 03.04.12 11:56am
MADJEZ
London Zoo 'hopeful' that Boris and Ken will mate

Zoologists at London Zoo have said they are 'hopeful' that their prized sore-headed bears, named Boris and Ken by keepers, will mate, despite an unpromising start in their tiny enclosure. 'Now that...

0
The Paper Ostrich 03.04.12 11:43am
The Paper Ostrich
Argentina blames outdated colonial power for thwarting colonial aspirations. 0
MADJEZ 03.04.12 11:43am
MADJEZ
PC Lilly hospitalised following mistaken draft excluder / rake incident 0
charlies_hat 03.04.12 10:59am
charlies_hat
Web monitoring plan prompts resurgence of jazz-mag-in-hedge distribution channel 0
cinquecento 03.04.12 10:31am
cinquecento
April Fooled

Embarrased journalists at the Times has admitted that they had to pull their April Fool stories " Gallaway wins by a landslide" and "PM seen eating Pasty at Leeds Station"...

0
Otis B Driftwood 03.04.12 10:18am
Otis B Driftwood
Floater lingerage? Need panning or more on the trots?

Haha! Yes, that’s right from old china. Flap lid, one foot, swirling of filth. Gurgle not wanted, craft escaping, fowl wreakage! Can it cause gagging?...

7
youbuyitnow 03.04.12 10:15am
Yikes
Prime Minister Goes On Holiday

to Cameroon (Cameron!)...

5
Leopold Gasket 03.04.12 9:55am
beau-jolly
Proclaimers singer comes clean - “would have gone 25 miles tops, and by train”

Proclaimer’s singer Charlie Reid says that despite being wild and carefree in his youth, there is no way he really contemplated walking 500 miles, let alone 500 more, especially for a woman....

1
Yikes 03.04.12 9:53am
Yikes
Milk of human kindness to be available in UHT form

Dairy Crest has announced they will make the milk of human kindness in a long life sterilised form for those who cannot afford reliable refrigeration. Marketing Director Alan James said "It's in...

7
nickb 03.04.12 9:45am
beau-jolly
CEO's fish-bone diagram criticized for ignoring the meat and potatoes 3
Dumbnews 03.04.12 8:42am
simonjmr
Falklands claim sovereignty over Agentina

The Falkland Islands have claimed the Argentine as Falkland territory. "They're only 200 miles away, so they should clearly come under our control."...

0
apepper 03.04.12 8:31am
apepper
Play Doh face Michael Gove much needed member of the cabinet insists Cameron 0
rustytruss 03.04.12 8:23am
rustytruss
Plans to monitor web site visits ‘outrageous’ NO THEY’RE NOT 0
Duncan Biscuit 03.04.12 8:13am
Duncan Biscuit
Mancini gaffe as he tweets ‘Shattered but happy after Blackburn triumph’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 03.04.12 8:12am
Duncan Biscuit
Aung San gaffe as she tweets ‘Shattered but happy after Blackburn triumph' 0
Duncan Biscuit 03.04.12 8:12am
Duncan Biscuit
Gove acts after signs that criticism of ‘A’ level standards is getting easier 0
Duncan Biscuit 03.04.12 8:11am
Duncan Biscuit
Damien Hirst labelled as "Fat Cat Banksy" by critics 0
Scronnyglonkle 03.04.12 7:58am
Scronnyglonkle
Apple introduce new virtual computer – the MacCloud 0
weematt 03.04.12 7:48am
weematt
Gillette confirm "reduces tug and pull" is a masturbation euphemism 1
simonjmr 03.04.12 7:35am
cinquecento
“Oh bollocks...” says Argentinean President [optional title suggestions below]

In a move which has shocked the colonialist community, a group of indigenous southern American people has claimed sovereignty of the area now described as ‘Argentina’. Argentinean President...

6
dvo4fun 03.04.12 7:15am
dvo4fun
Jocky Wilson put to rest in authentic Viking burial

Former darts world champion Jocky Wilson, who died last week, was today put to rest at sea in the traditional Viking fashion, strapped to a burning longboat surrounded with flaming barrels of tar,...

5
Gong of Fur 03.04.12 7:05am
dvo4fun
Francis Maude launches new "Fuel around me" app

The new app tells motorist if there is fuel within a 200 mile radius and if the petrol station has had delivery with the past two days. Developed by software house iSuck, it is the governments first...

0
Scronnyglonkle 03.04.12 6:55am
Scronnyglonkle
Semi-coherent headline...

Weak follow-up pun...

20
Vertically Challenged Giant 03.04.12 6:29am
Vertically Challenged Giant
leading website developer challenged on cleanliness of website animations..

told to use Flash liquid! (Flash = tool for creating website animations)...

8
Leopold Gasket 03.04.12 6:19am
nickb
American Fish Found To Be Very Fast

it has a zippy cod! (Zip code)...

0
Leopold Gasket 02.04.12 11:19pm
Leopold Gasket
Ed Balls shocked by dyslexic rhyming slang...

"Balls sounds nothing like dick-head" says politician, responding to claims cockney rhyming slang is dying out and new similes are being invented...

0
Bismarck 02.04.12 11:14pm
Bismarck
New US cop show stars the Old Etonian Police Department: West and Lewis OEPD

Dominic West and Damian Lewis are no ordinary maverick cops fighting crime in the only way they know how. Because they've been seconded from a new elite unit, known as the OEPD - the Old Etonian...

0
ronseal 02.04.12 11:09pm
ronseal