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Theoretical mathematician accused of eating all the taus 8
beau-jolly 3 years

go figure!...

Camelot to extend “stupid tax” to rural areas 2
beau-jolly 3 years

National Lottery organisers, Camelot, plan to install 800 additional terminals in rural areas and post offices in return for an extended franchise. The move will enable the rural stupid to waste...

Decline in pretentious flat owners blamed on loss of Habitat 0
beau-jolly 3 years

More closures soon...

Women's tennis: Correlation found between skirt length and popularity 0
Christopher Frost 3 years
Greeks to save on heating bills by lying in the sun all day. 0
Ostsee 3 years
Murdering a neighbour's dog 'totally acceptable' says senior police chief. 0
Leeboy007 3 years

It has to continuously bark after 9pm to qualify, he added...

Chocolate, cakes and beer good for you 0
Leeboy007 3 years

Nutritionists now claim. Fruit & veg 'make you fat and spotty' according to leading experts...

New suggested Headlines 4
Full Tilt Boogie 3 years

“The iPantyPad – Apple launch new 80Gig Sanitary Towel” “Facebook: ‘Grooming worked for Pets, so why not Kids?’” “Norway claims to have found the inspiration behind Munch’s ‘The...

Homeowners given green light to stab Jehovah's Witnesses 1
Christopher Frost 3 years
Wimbledon Championships relocating to Milton Keynes 0
Christopher Frost 3 years
Man Convinced Mentally Unstable Girlfriend is just “Quirky” 4
Fox100 3 years

Local man Gary Earnley spent hours last night attempting to convince himself and his remaining friends that his mentally unstable girlfriend was merely “quirky”. “She just has her own style,...

Stabbing burglars to be made compulsory 0
riesler 3 years

more householder arrests soon...

Hugh 0
waggy 3 years

So Mr Hefner, how did you meet this latest girlfriend? I just opened my wallet and there she was...

Newbury residents follow Glastonbury's lead and insist we call it 'Newbo' 2
dicky37 3 years

[Look out for Shrewsbo and, er, Canterbo soon]...

Angry motorhome drivers strike for right to be hated as much as caravanners 0
FraserWords 3 years

Angry motorhome drivers are planning a nationwide strike demanding equal rights with caravan owners., Reg Spode, leader of the motorhome drivers’ union, told journalists: “For too long drivers...

Lumberjack impaled on bear trap 'still not out of the woods' 0
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

House of Parliament to get Wimbledon style roof and further renovations 1
Iamthestig 3 years

Plans have been announced to envigorate the Houses of Parliament, in a bid to bring the MP's and Lords closer to the public, and re-connect with the people. The House of Commons is to have a...

Prince Harry comes second in Button's old model 0
3 years
Johann Hari Interview with Jimmy Pursey 0
LtFrankSlade 3 years

Pursey suddenly stood up and put on his short black leather jacket. He stared at me ruminatively swept back his thick locks and seemingly in a rush declared "Come on, come on, hurry up Hari, come...

Very large horses prompt mounting concern 1
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
new sign outside sperm donor clinic - 'Please Come Again' 9
Leeboy007 3 years
Striking teachers must bring a note from their parents when they return to work. 1
Ian Searle 3 years
Clarke launches new homeowner rights with 'National Burglar Stabbing Day' 0
pere floza 3 years

countering Labour accusations that there's a hole in this policy with the quip 'Not as big as the hole in my burglar'...

Summer officially arrives as Fergal Sharkey spotted swimming off Cornish coast. 0
Ian Searle 3 years

An eye witness said "We were on the beach at Newquay having teenage kicks all through the night when my perfect cousin Kevin spotted him"...

Conundrum after study finds there is often no record of when records began 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Greek parliament key crisis vote postponed after key found in child’s toy box 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Suicide bombers and gunmen at Kabul hotel still failed to catch waiter’s eye 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Turkey Twizzlers touted as new superfood 0
Captainzep 3 years

Turkey Twizzlers touted as new superfood...

Iceland to turn off Northern Lights to save energy and reduce global warming 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Daily Mail reports that BBC drama Luther to show most distressing scenes ever 0
simonjmr 3 years

The scene will be about gay, single parent, black, benefit claimant asylum seekers enjoying themselves at a party. More soon...