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Government accused of using subliminal messaging to 'bury bad news'

The secret world of governmental subliminal messaging has been blown wide open today. In what has been described as the biggest government leak since the last one, records show that the Tories have...

Lens Cap 08.08.13 3:48pm
Local man annoyed nobody has heard of his favorite bands 0
Dumbnews 08.08.13 3:46pm
Scarecrow said to be - oh never mind... 0
John Wiltshire 08.08.13 3:08pm
John Wiltshire
Al-Qaeda Leaves Note 'We Tried To Bomb Your Embassy Today But You Were Out'

"Please telephone to let us know when you will be at home to receive our attack, or alternatively visit our website for details of how to come to our headquarters to be blown up at a time of your own...

Titus 08.08.13 3:07pm
John Wiltshire
Unintelligent cowpat said to be shit in its field 0
farmer giles 08.08.13 2:52pm
farmer giles
Charlotte Green appointed as new voice of God

Former BBC Radio 4 newsreader Charlotte Green will take up the role as the heavenly and divine voice next month where she will issue commandments from on high to her many followers. The decision...

Ludicity 08.08.13 2:26pm
sredni vashta
Putin invites Stephen Fry over to the Kremlin for a nice cup of tea

…and a traditional Russian polonium fairy cake...

farmer giles 08.08.13 1:42pm
farmer giles
NHS publish radical plan of 'zero hospital killings'

The NHS today published a radical plan not to kill people in hospital. The Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, said today: 'OK, call me weird, call me wacky, call me off the wall, but this bizarre idea...

John Wiltshire 08.08.13 1:37pm
John Wiltshire
Loans for chocolate now available from Willy Wonga

Owner of the world's largest chocolate factory, Willy Wonga, today announced that he will make payday loans available for his Wonga Bars. He said: 'I realise that not everyone can afford 75p for one...

John Wiltshire 08.08.13 1:32pm
John Wiltshire
I only said Bongeau Bongeau land, insists Francophobe UKIP man 0
sydalg 08.08.13 1:13pm
Diabetes looses the lucrative sugar sponsorship deal

It will henceforth be known as G4S diabetes...

Ian Searle 08.08.13 1:00pm
Ian Searle
PM Tells Internet Trolls "we wil get u, u r so ded" 12
Titus 08.08.13 12:56pm
No-one hurt in non-event in Frome

Police confirmed today that no-one was hurt when nothing happened today in Frome, Somerset. A neighbour, Mr Brian Jenkins, who asked not to be identified, said: 'I was outside cleaning my car, when...

John Wiltshire 08.08.13 12:30pm
All the Lawyers and the Judges and the Jury at the Court of JailCorrecticus....

are not passing by...

ESJ 08.08.13 12:24pm
Masochistic Captain Kirk: 'Beat me up, Scotty!' 0
John Wiltshire 08.08.13 11:44am
John Wiltshire
'Well you're not invited to my birthday party then', slams Putin

US President Barack Obama is 'strongly reconsidering' his decision not to attend a pre-planned meeting with his Russian counterpart Vladimir Putin today, after being told that if he doesn't, he won't...

Jesus H 08.08.13 11:18am
Jesus H
Jamie Oliver goes to Texas to promote Last Meal Recipe Book 0
sydalg 08.08.13 11:02am
Bamber Gascoigne fined for Railway Station Assault

Former University Challenge host and Newcastle United footballer Bamber Gascoigne has been fined £1,000 for assaulting a railway security guard and being drunk and disorderly. Appearing before...

Metro 08.08.13 10:41am
Parliament in uproar as George Osborn proposes "zero day contracts" for MPs

The House of Commons was in uproar on Thursday as George Osborn announced that to save money on MPs and the process of democratic debate, MPs would only be paid when they were required to actually be...

AReader 08.08.13 10:02am
'Mothers not discriminated against on return to work' say men

Lots of men emphatically denied today that women returning to work after having become mothers are in any way discriminated against. 'We have a very clear return to work policy,' said Sir Nigel...

John Wiltshire 08.08.13 9:58am
John Wiltshire
Bristol zoo keeper claims seal punch was revenge for Steve Irwin attack. 2
Ian Searle 08.08.13 9:38am
Lindy Moone
Football in turmoil as Shankly's 'Life or Death' quote revealed as joke.

The sport of football is reeling after newly revealed papers have shown that Bill Shankly was only joking when he said 'Football isn't a matter of life and death; it's much more important than that'....

Placey1 08.08.13 9:05am
Archbishop shocked by national debt of Wonga-wonga Land. 0
FOAD 08.08.13 9:03am
UKIP MP Reprimanded For Saying

"There's Nothing Generous About Giving Away Other People's Money"...

Titus 08.08.13 8:59am
Ref Minor
Doctors say that man who mutated into armchair now completely recovered 9
Smart Alex 08.08.13 8:43am
John Wiltshire
Conference of Sewage-workers Union set to table a motion. 0
FOAD 08.08.13 8:20am
The best way to prevent memory loss is - oh wait, don't tell me, it's, it's... 3
John Wiltshire 08.08.13 8:04am
Doctor Whoworksweekends to get new TARDY

The recently-announced Doctor Whoworksweekends is get a re-designed TARDY, it was learned today. Stephen Moffatt, the show's writer, said: 'Since we have found a new Doctor Whoworksweekends, we...

John Wiltshire 08.08.13 7:49am
John Wiltshire
Hampshire Gym To Tackle Member Assessment

Fitness giant XRsize Gyms are set to trial a revised layout of the male changing areas at their Port Solent location. General manager Joe Swalley explained why this change was being mooted. "After...

FlashArry 08.08.13 7:39am
Not Amused
Ray-Ban announces record profits in Africa

In other news a collective of aid recipients buy the Eiffel Tower and the RAF lament F-18 shortage...

ChairmanMouth 08.08.13 7:24am