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Disappointment for children and teachers as school boilers continue to work 1
Ian Searle 11.03.13 12:13pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Isle of Wight features in leaked government defence cutbacks

According to a leaked govenment document the new "Queen Elizabeth" class aircraft carriers will be mothballed upon completion to save billions. The Isle of Wight is to be cut free instead and will be...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 11.03.13 12:08pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Britain's cricket team in trouble in New Zealand

Its a variation...

Rootin Tootin 11.03.13 10:42am
Farage: 'Murdoch left me holding the baby'

In a heart-rending interview, Nigella Farage broke down claiming that media mogul Rupert Murdoch had 'taken advantage' of her and left the UKIP leader 'holding our baby'. Standing on the bridge at...

pinxit 11.03.13 10:40am
Dead Student "Not Brilliant" Admits University

In a break from tradition, deceased student Michael Green was described by Loughborough University as "An average student with ordinary grades" when he passed away last Tuesday. This ends a 30 year...

deceangli 11.03.13 10:30am
Thousands of Christenings null & void as church admits using the wrong font. 5
JETFAB 11.03.13 10:22am
Dick Everyman
North Korea wipes nitrous oxide off list of chemical weapons 2
Dick Everyman 11.03.13 10:11am
Dick Everyman
Pryce to claim that Huhne 'squeezed toothpaste from the middle' 4
Squudge 11.03.13 8:07am
Labour to introduce Wealth & Health Stealth Tax in - The I'm Doing Fine, Fine

Labour's latest policy review has revealed that if elected in 2015, they will introduce stealth taxes on Wealth and Health. Known as the "I'm Doing Fine" fine, it aims to target those in the...

camz 11.03.13 8:02am
50% of UK population does not fancy Kate Middleton, survey reveals

Thank you, Sandy...

Audible Minority 11.03.13 7:31am
Audible Minority
Palace staff thefts - man helping police with equirries 1
Terry 11.03.13 12:56am
Slante Dangle
Overweight woman "will not discuss" Elephant in the womb

more later...

dvo4fun 11.03.13 12:20am
It's an ill wind as Vicky Pryce "Geeky Greek" look takes Britain by storm 1
Drylaw 10.03.13 11:43pm
Fans eagerly await the launch of Hairbrush 2.0...

Hairbrush fans are gathering in San Francisco for the launch of Hairbrush 2.0 which, according to early reports, bristles with ‘exciting new features’. Kevin Schwartz, from The Tonsorial website,...

Tripod 10.03.13 10:12pm
Comic-Sans font goads drivers through the sound barrier 0
Squudge 10.03.13 9:41pm
pulled again

seeking instant gratification...

Squudge 10.03.13 9:38pm
Oedipus's mother upset to receive offensive and inappropriate mother's day card 1
Smart Alex 10.03.13 9:36pm
President Mugabe Claims Victrory In Falklands Vote.

Meanwhile, paranoia and suspicion have broken out regarding the identity of the "missing" voter after only 2,839 islanders vote to stay British...

Titus 10.03.13 9:10pm
Citizens let off from speeding fines after Ministry roadsign scrawl scandal

From our court correspondent Ivor Smallworm., "This is a great day for justice and ordinary folk like me" said Lord Bradley Fatcat (57) outside the Court of Justice an 'Ting in Balham, East London...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 10.03.13 8:54pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Tesco asks about new contamination scare; 'What burgers have tortoise'? 1
topfotogmw 10.03.13 8:51pm
Jedi academy fails OFSTED inspection

Contrary to Sith claims, Obi Wan actually taught quite badly...

apepper 10.03.13 8:09pm
Archaeologists unearth 'two for one' seed offer at Hanging Gardens of Babylon

Archaeologists working on a site alleged to be the location of the Hanging Gardens of Babylon have uncovered evidence of the world’s very first garden centre. The astounding discovery, in a...

Dick Everyman 10.03.13 7:53pm
Dick Everyman
An Idiot’s Guide to ... Gardening

What is the purpose?, The main purpose of gardening is the avoidance of grief for the garden looking a mess. This breaks down into two forms of nagging. Firstly, grief for the front garden looking...

Midfield Diamond 10.03.13 7:45pm
Not Amused
Mushroom Lasagne "Contained Potato"

Vegetarians were shocked today to discover that a supermarket 'mushroom' lasagne contained traces of potato DNA. "I'd been really enjoying the horsemeat scandal" said smug vegan Arthur Bottleneck....

deceangli 10.03.13 7:36pm
Devil Of A Row As Ofsted Downgrades Hell For Having No Fury Like Vicky Pryce 0
Titus 10.03.13 6:31pm
Pryce hangs out Huhne’s dirty laundry in public with display of wanking towel

After two years of hanging out ex-husband Chris Huhne’s dirty laundry in public with tales of lies, abortions, and family tensions, Vicki Pryce has gone the extra step and actually hung out Mr...

Yikes 10.03.13 6:27pm
Des Custard
Graham Kerr admits responsibility for whole horsemeat scandal

One for the Oldies...

brownpaperreporter 10.03.13 6:10pm
Huhne to wear T-shirt in court with 'see what I have to deal with' 1
Squudge 10.03.13 5:31pm
Shock as the 900 pig carcasses fished from shanghai river contained horse dna

The citizens of Shaghai were shock to find that the pig carcasses floating in the Huangpu river, weren't just 900 water logged pig corpses but actually of the 900 bodies there were found traces of...

confuzzled 10.03.13 4:27pm
Man who forgot Mother's Day looking at a year of repentance

'Mum's already hit back because I forgot it was Mother's Day by sending me M&S flowers and chocolates,' said Bill Baines. 'When I asked her what they were for, she said if it were Son's Day, she...

roybland 10.03.13 4:13pm