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Olympic Village fete opens with whack the rat: Team GB take first Goldfish

Hat tip to Button who seems to be in bed with everyone at the moment...

charlies_hat 16.07.12 3:03pm
Chris Brown pens new porn novel 'Seven Shades of Shit' 0
bonjonelson 16.07.12 11:25am
2012 TV spoof slammed for not even getting close to a spoof.

BBC apologists have rallied round in support of the TV comedy 2012. "We briefed the writers to make it far-fetched but we simply could not have predicted cock-ups on such a grand scale. Scripts were...

Boutros 16.07.12 11:25am
Troops to get Olympics Conflict medals

Soldiers serving in the militarised East London Province will be awarded medals on completion of their Olympics tour of duty, the Defence Secretary announced today. The move virtually guarantees...

Boutros 16.07.12 10:56am
50 Squirrels of Grey - an insight into Team GB Squirrel licking squad 2
simonjmr 16.07.12 10:55am
Boris Johnson wins landslide election as London 2012 Olympic Village Idiot 0
charlies_hat 16.07.12 10:13am
Woman arrested as 'terrorist' after not caring about Olympic torch in her street 0
kimllfixit 16.07.12 9:35am
Olympic security guards fail "trainers are ok" test

G4S  group confirmed today it had taken on an extra 3,500 personnel to safeguard Olympic sites,  but could not deploy them due to dress code interpretation difficulties. Recruits are struggling to...

NewSuburbanDad 16.07.12 8:47am
Tour de France cyclists blame P.M. Hollande for increase in road tacks

please accept my sincere apologies. I'm 84 you know...

Tomfinger 16.07.12 8:43am
Isle of Wight residents shocked by Olympic Torch relay : "It's still 1948 then?"

more, but not too soon...

FlashArry 16.07.12 8:37am
Future of 'World’s fastest traffic jam' is secure, says Bernie Ecclestone.

“Of course there’s always a risk of a selfish egotist making headlines by breaking the overtaking ban, but most drivers were well behaved” said F1’s marketing supremo after reviewing...

dvo4fun 16.07.12 7:39am
Solar flares attacked as being "So 1970s"

Fashion experts, Trinny and Susannah have reacted with disdain to the increased solar activity. "Flares? No way they should be seen again."...

apepper 16.07.12 7:20am
Isle of Wight to get steam trains. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 16.07.12 7:07am
Al OPecia
Calls for new goal-line technology to also detect irony and sarcasm. More soon.

(Wish I had time to develop further. Anyone welcome to run with it.)...

DorsetBoy 16.07.12 3:40am
MPs directed to address Bob Diamond as "Bobby Baby" at his next hearing. 0
Scroat 15.07.12 9:47pm
Soldiers Volunteer To Return To Afghanistan

The Ministry of Defence has confirmed reports that many soldiers have slapped in requests to return to Afghanistan early rather than be deployed in London during the Olympics. Commanding Officers...

HIGNFY 15.07.12 9:38pm
China offers 2 million security guards for free

Major Yung Wong Su from the Chinese Peoples Employment Bureau has offered to send the United Kingdom two million of its unemployed Scientists to work as security guards at the London Olympic Village....

gaztop 15.07.12 8:42pm
Tesco to compete with Quorn with new Disappointing Meat range

the new Tesco Everyday Value ham slices will emulate the taste of Quorn without the need to actually stop eating meat...

gaijintendo 15.07.12 4:50pm
Al OPecia
Olympic Games in last minute switch to Afghanistan to improve security. 0
Al OPecia 15.07.12 4:48pm
Al OPecia
Police foil evil terrorist plan to bring their own drinks to Olympics

Anti-terrorist police squad members have arrested several people believed to have links with al-Qaeda. Examination of files stored on confiscated computers, indicated that they had a plan underway to...

apepper 15.07.12 2:47pm
British cyclist tests positive for talent. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 15.07.12 1:52pm
Homeopaths mass antibiotic consumption in protest against conventional medicine

Homeopaths the length and breadth of Britain are to protest against conventional medicine today by mass consumption of prescription drugs. A spokesman from the Society of homeopaths told us " Just...

The Masked Frog 15.07.12 1:10pm
Team GB odds on for gold in relay using new rule interpretation.

Team GB are set to shock the athletic world in the 4x100 metre relay next month. While the other teams are sticking to the tradition of four runners doing 100 metres each, the British athletes have...

MADJEZ 15.07.12 12:18pm
Whale fined for breaching new Thames Bylaws

A Northern Bottlenose whale has been the first person to be fined under new Thames Bylaws introduced earlier this month. Nanuq Naartok, of The Gully, Nova Scotia, spoke only to confirm his name in...

ginty 15.07.12 9:55am
The Masked Frog
BNP New Campaign Strategy “We’re Being Sarcastic.”

The British National Party today unveiled the new campaign strategy; to lace each bigoted remark with irony. It is felt within the party that people will be less morally outraged by their vile hatred...

Hooch 15.07.12 8:47am
The Masked Frog
Olympic poncho shortage gives green light to water bomb terrorists

Home Secretary Theresa May says she was unaware of a serous shortage of ponchos for the London Olympics. The shortage means that over three thousand military capes will be redeployed to the Games...

roybland 15.07.12 7:35am
Government announces the 'Electrification of the M1'

The government has today announced the electrification of the M1 between London and Sheffield. Transport Minister Justine Greening also explained many other upgrades to the route that will see safety...

Perks 15.07.12 7:28am
Yorkshire man requests bail out from IMF

Frederick Arkwright, a plumber from Cleckheaton, West Yorkshire has formally requested an economic bail out from the IMF. This follows a downgrading of his credit rating by local agency 'the man at...

Alfred Noakes 15.07.12 6:17am
John Terry and Anton Ferdindand share Daddies Sauce Ambassador of the Year awar 1
ronseal 15.07.12 1:26am
Queen to holiday in NZ for duration of Olympics: astonishing revelation 0
Drylaw 14.07.12 7:59pm