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Man hit for second time by locomotive suffering from repetitive train injury 1
Smart Alex 04.03.12 2:38pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Abramovich vows to get tough with successor to Villas-Boas ..

Following the announcement that Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas has been sacked, the owner of the club, Roman Abramovich, has told a press conference : "Under-achievement is not what I'm paying out...

Gourd Almighty 04.03.12 2:34pm
Gourd Almighty
Bankers raise mortgage rates in revenge for not getting their bonuses.

A spokeswoman for the banking industry said, "We'll get you and your little dogs too." Houses are expected to drop soon...

Ian Searle 04.03.12 2:22pm
New policy announced to tackle teenage sobriety

Government officials have announced a radical new plan to ensure that the nation’s position as the 'Drunk of Europe'is maintained following shocking figures showing an increase in teenage sobriety....

Nathaniel S White 04.03.12 1:29pm
Nathaniel S White
Germany denies starting the Occupy movement, in 1938

No more later...

virtuallywill 04.03.12 12:35pm
ISS astronaut owns up to flushing whilst in orbit over UK

Meteorite, my a**e...

Nails UK 04.03.12 11:53am
Nails UK
Ex workmate at Clyde shipyards the last person to find Billy Connolly riveting

Surely been done before but couldn't find anything on the interweb thingy...

Smart Alex 04.03.12 10:47am
Smart Alex
Millions of Britons confused by ‘great big bright burny thing’ in the sky.

Millions of Britons have reported seeing a ‘great big bright burny thing’ in the sky. The object was seen yesterday and prompted thousands of below average IQ scorers to call the police, air...

Perks 04.03.12 10:41am
'Happy Marriages transgress God's laws' says elderly Christian pedant 0
yussle 04.03.12 10:36am
Yodafone denies owing billions in back-taxes to Jedi Council. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 04.03.12 10:26am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Credit Ratings: who really gives a FF? 0
Nails UK 04.03.12 10:03am
Nails UK
Meteor 'God's anger' over gay marriages warns seventy-three-year old celibate

A fireball witnessed over Britain on Saturday night is a warning from God over David Cameron's plan to allow gay marriages, warns the most senior Roman Catholic cleric in the country. Cardinal Keith...

roybland 04.03.12 9:58am
BBC accused of bias in celebrity dressmaking show 0
Nails UK 04.03.12 9:50am
Nails UK
Frank Carson dies for the very last time....

no more soon...

Jammydodgers 03.03.12 11:47pm
Decorator admits waiting to apply second coat was 'like watching paint dry' 0
Smart Alex 03.03.12 11:33pm
Smart Alex
Catherine and Pippa agree to "Lez it up a bit" to help ailing newspaper industry

HRH the Duchess of Cambridge and her sister Pippa are reported to have responded positively to a suggestion, from Daily Star owner Richard Desmond, to assist the ailing british newspaper industry by...

antharrison 03.03.12 9:18pm
Le Creuset Fiend
Cruise Captain 'not wearing glasses' whilst knobbing Moldovan dancer court hears

probably need to replace 'whilst knobbing' with 'during fumble'...

Mandy Lifeboat 03.03.12 7:16pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Poor Numeracy "Blighting the lives of billions" (or should that be millions?).

How noughty can you get?...

Al McHogan 03.03.12 6:52pm
Vatican's "Bring your daughter to work Day" a dismal failure. 1
Al McHogan 03.03.12 6:50pm
Julia Gillard to remain squawking harridan in charge of distant colony

Australian prime minister Julia Gillard has won a leadership stoush among Labor MPs in Canberra, cementing her position as a squawking harridan in charge of the distant colony. Ms Gillard clobbered...

The Paper Ostrich 03.03.12 6:49pm
Suicide bomber's family: "It's how he'd have wanted to go." 0
hughesroland 03.03.12 6:24pm
Costa Cruises suspect sabotage by newly formed Starbucks Shipping Co. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 03.03.12 5:37pm
Troops express relief as plot to bring James Blunt to Afghanistan is thwarted.

British forces in Afghanistan breathed a collective sigh of relief today as details emerged of a failed Taliban plot to deploy singing turd James Blunt against servicemen and women on the front line,...

Haywood Manley 03.03.12 5:19pm
Thatcher diagnosed with Crone's disease

more later or "Thatcher diagnosed with old Crone's disease" or perhaps neither...

dvo4fun 03.03.12 4:45pm
Chelsea FC: cost and timescale of title-winning side makes it 'unfeasible' 0
Mandy Lifeboat 03.03.12 4:12pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Head of Forestry Commission given the chop

Stop me if you've heard it before...

JohnA 03.03.12 4:04pm
Scottish independence could cost English salad growers up to £2.30

If Scotland achieve independence, the English salad growing industry will suffer. "I sold a lettuce to a guy in Stonybridge in 1983 and a case of tomatoes in 2001 - although that was for the audience...

apepper 03.03.12 3:49pm
Xmas truce football match ruined by racist chants, say players.

​Papers realised today by the National Records Office detail how players the 1914 Christmas truce football match expressed their bitter disappointment in the watching fans chanting racist abuse at...

Lemon difficult 03.03.12 3:02pm
Lemon difficult
Ed Miliband found on Mars breathing sulphur through an orange

Political pundits have rounded on Ed Miliband for being 'out of touch', 'aloof' and 'clearly not of this Earth'. The criticism comes after a NASA probe spotted him standing in a crater on the red...

03.03.12 1:54pm
Feminists Up In Arms About Up In Arms Comment.

Feminists around the country were said today to be furious that allegations have been made by the Men's Movement that becoming a feminist could lead to females so hating men, that they would be...

freemycatfish 03.03.12 11:59am