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Gadaffi's capture a Dead Sirte 2
bonjonelson 3 years
Firm seeking to create the perfect pair of trousers "making great strides" 15
Spoinge 3 years
'Honest cop' discovered working undercover at the Met. 1
spoole2112 3 years

More later...

'Alright mate?' UK retailers dispensing with outmoded pleasantries 0
vertical 3 years

Asking customers 'can I help you sir?' or 'may I be of assistance madam?' is seen as 'well passé' according to BHS shop assistant Shaniqua Dolan. She says 'these days, like me personally, I feel...

Archeaologists baffled by pictograms to god "Ikea" found with burial ship 2
gregle 3 years

Archaeologists working on the newly discovered viking burial ship in Scotland are intrigues by pictograms that they have found that are apparently dedicated to a previously unknown god "Ikea". The...

Colonel captured by KFC seperatists. 2
MADJEZ 3 years

More secret recipes soon...

Undercover activists posing as police officers targeted by Met probe 0
nickb 3 years

Police fear they have been infiltrated by activists who joined the force under false pretences as long as 15 years ago, and are now leading double lives as police officers and informants, leaking...

A-Team’s guest-appearance on Ready Steady Cook ‘a disaster’ 10
Qoxiivi 3 years

Make-do mercenaries, the A-Team, have once again gone underground following their calamitous appearance on a special edition of the BBC’s dinner-from-a-bag show Ready Steady Cook. ‘On paper, it...

Gaddafi “really annoyed” after surrender 0
Newsquelch 3 years

Reports have emerged that, at the time of his capture, Gaddafi was arguing on the telephone with British hypnotist Paul Mckenna about the immediate withdrawal of his status as a Neuro-Linguistic...

Former Libyan Leader shot. Ignored shouted warning "Gaddafi Duck". 0
seymour totti 3 years
"Bonsai babies" are this year's must-have accessory for the boozy teen smoker 29
OllieP 3 years

"Bonsai babies" that will fit in the palm of your hand until they are 3 or 4 years old have become the latest designer craze to create a buzz amongst the nation's teenagers. Schoolgirls up and down...

Wall Street Protestors 'dismayed' upon hearing historical account of Guy Fawkes 0
Juggernaut 3 years

UK Protestors involved in the London version of the 'Occupy Wall Street' movement were today in disarray upon being confronted by a member of the public who claims to have a C in GCSE History. The...

Support Greece - buy olives. 0
Griffin 3 years
Gaddafi capured by XTC 1
virtuallywill 3 years

Former leader Colonel Gaddafi was captured by forces of the XTC (Xtraordinary Transitional council) today. Spokesman Andy Mohamed Partridge said "This is a great day for the people of this country....

Police in Ohio comment on Zoo shootings 1
brd888 3 years

Sheriff Matt Lutz said today "It was like, yeeeeeehaaa". Later he admits to having erection while gunning down dangerous animals. "They were coming right for us"...

Tragedy as mime artist falls into aquarium at ‘Sea-world’. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
Police enter Dale by back passage 0
Sinnick 3 years

wish I'd thought of this yesterday...

Revolving Scotland Yard sign " pedal-powered by News International Staff" 1
nickb 3 years It has been the icon...

Innovative glass bottom bus tours excite asphalt spotters 8
vertical 3 years

ticker 2 mins, picture edit 2 hours. sheesh,

Parents “to take children to England to hit them” if Welsh smacking ban succeeds 2
nickb 3 years

As the likelihood that child-smacking will be outlawed in the Principality grows, property prices along the Wales/England border are set to show a healthy rise. Theoretically, say estate agents and...

Now sperm donors won't come for less than £750. 8
Boutros 3 years

As out of pocket expenses for egg donors is set to triple, potential sperm donors are threatening to hold back unless they receive similar compensation for their time and trouble. "750 quid would...

ITV to rebrand Dale Farm to simply 'Dale' 3
Perks 3 years
Fox 'misread' Werritty's advances 2
Perks 3 years

Dr Liam Fox MP has today told an inquiry into his conduct that he 'misread Werritty's advances'. 'Dr Fox would still be the Defence Secretary if he had just stayed for one more drink in the...

Cameron laughs off Harman's Curse 2
Drylaw 3 years

"Well this is one PMQs I won't forget," laughed PM David Cameron today following an extraordinary outburst by Deputy Labour leader Harriet Harman from across the Commons floor. "I curse ye five...

'See you in Waitrose' warn coffin-dodgers 5
Gerontius 3 years

A pensioner who was criticised for holding up the queue at his local Waitrose has admitted he and his friends only do it to ‘wind up those precious young fuck-wits who still have a crappy job to go...

Dr. Phil publishes new research on the positive effects of raising one's chin 0
Dumbnews 3 years
ASDA solve the pensioners-queuing-at-peak-times-for-no-reason problem 15
gaijintendo 3 years

with a "Ten Years Left or Fewer" aisle...

British Gas pledge to kill fewer than 3000 old people this winter 3
roybland 3 years
Men urged to carry new 'sperm donor' cards to increase dwindling supply 9
Screenie 3 years

It is the perfect example of the circle of life,' explained baby-gravy expert John Withers, 'there is always some 'left in the sac' when a man passes away, it's not like the gentleman in question is...

Amnesty probes British public school "mortar boarding" 5
apepper 3 years

Human rights watchdogs have been investigating punishments at well known British public schools and have highlighted "Mortar Boarding" - where teachers dressed from the 1930s intimidate children...