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Man with nervous tic buys four houses at auction by accident 0
Gary Gonads 20.03.13 9:30pm
Gary Gonads
Diet plan promising 100% loss of bodyweight is flawed, say critics.

Nutritionists working in the United States claim a new diet plan will allow followers to lose 100% of their unsightly body weight. “Never before has a diet system been able to promise so much,”...

0
CulchaVulcha 20.03.13 8:33pm
CulchaVulcha
Osborne to impose tax on people who can't spell his name

No 'U' turn...

0
Terry 20.03.13 7:49pm
Terry
Budget Rating Agencies upgrade Britain from Omnishambles to Oligoshambles. 0
reforse 20.03.13 6:22pm
reforse
Fantasy Football manager to get opportunity to manage Blackburn

Blackburn today have announced that Steve Kean will be sacked immediately as managaer following the diasterous start to the 2011 / 12 Premiership season. The Indian poultry and pharmaceutical giants...

4
simonjmr 20.03.13 4:21pm
Midfield Diamond
Science news: aN element of confusion discovered in periodic table. 7
sigmund 20.03.13 2:39pm
Titus
Wine Drinkers Riot As Chancellor Announces Free Beer for The Workers 0
Titus 20.03.13 2:28pm
Titus
Government's 'Christmas Boxes' for troops will be mostly coffin-shaped 0
dvo4fun 20.03.13 1:58pm
dvo4fun
Osbourne to set budget 'Deal or No Deal" style twenty-two sealed red boxes

Voters choose which budget they want...

1
Ian Searle 20.03.13 1:39pm
Squudge
Gordon Ramsey opens new ‘swear at your table’ restaurant...

Famously foul-mouthed celebrity chef, Gordon Ramsey, has opened a new restaurant with a contemporary twist. Diners can discover, at first hand, what it’s like to work long hours for low pay in a...

9
Tripod 20.03.13 1:21pm
Tripod
Shoe found on high street 3
Truebiscuit 20.03.13 1:17pm
Lucy4
Osborne to announce joint venture between NHS and Match Attax

In an effort to increase commercial pressures within the NHS, the Chancellor, in his budget today, is set to announce a joint venture with Match Attax trading cards which will encourage operating...

4
Terry 20.03.13 1:16pm
Lucy4
Vatican receives over 2000 complaints that papal inauguration mocked Blackadder

The ridiculous costumes and outdated forms of speech were clearly designed to make fun of one of the most beloved sit-coms of all time...

0
Ian Searle 20.03.13 1:10pm
Ian Searle
20% off everything now at Cyp 'R' Us. 0
Boutros 20.03.13 12:32pm
Boutros
Pandas and Seals expected to be hit hard in IWF budget

George O'Spawn, vice-president of the International Wildlife Fund (IWF), has said that he will "tackle the wildlife's problems head on" in his budget later on today. He said the IWF will not back...

0
Not Amused 20.03.13 11:59am
Not Amused
Lame Pistorian jokes inspire new Paralympic sport

More later...

2
sydalg 20.03.13 11:23am
Squudge
Hot horny lesbians fail to invite balding middle-aged guy to join in

The world of casual troilism was turned on its head yesterday – and not in a good way – when a slightly overweight middle-aged man was shunned by two firm-breasted horny lesbians after walking in...

6
SugarTits69 20.03.13 11:14am
SugarTits69
Pencil manufacturer objects to being referred to as 'his nibs'. 0
Ian Searle 20.03.13 10:59am
Ian Searle
Man trying to order wasp tells butcher, "Well you've got one in your window" 6
Smart Alex 20.03.13 10:52am
blacklesbianandproudofit
Gove wil ruen chilldren bi makeing them lern speling, say expets 0
exigo 20.03.13 10:33am
exigo
BMW relaxes 'Dickhead Test' for buyers

BMW has announced that it is seeking to expand its customer base beyond dickheads to include idiots, twats and pillocks as well. As a result, the company’s infamously stringent ‘Dickhead Test’...

6
Oxbridge 20.03.13 10:32am
Oxbridge
Government To Postpone Vernal Equinox

"If changing the clocks creates more daylight" said a spokesman "It's obvious than fiddling about with the calendar will improve the weather."...

0
Titus 20.03.13 10:30am
Titus
Micheal Owen's retirement postponed due to injury

In a completely unoriginal, blatantly reworded but ultimately much better story, news that was set to dominate the back pages of the worlds sporting press was put on indefinite hold yesterday when...

9
irreverendJ 20.03.13 10:16am
Midnight Dreary
Tesco's lasagne found to contain traces of Princess Anne 3
Gary Gonads 20.03.13 9:48am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Postman with parcel for neighbour told, "you want to try next door mate"

(gets coat!)...

0
Smart Alex 20.03.13 9:46am
Smart Alex
Complaints That Hell Is "Insufferable" Now That It Has Broadband Enabled 0
Titus 20.03.13 9:45am
Titus
Drone Attacks Condemned

"But, for some strange reason, it's apparently OK to kill innocent civilians using [i]piloted[/i] aircraft" says UN spokesman...

0
Titus 20.03.13 9:33am
Titus
Huhne painfully discovers "getting a Twix" is prison slang,

Can't stand for parliament, can't sit at all., Perhaps a finger of fudge was just enough...

0
olddoc 20.03.13 9:31am
olddoc
George Osbone Blames N Korean Hackers For Turning His Budget Into Gobbledegook 0
Titus 20.03.13 9:28am
Titus
George Osbourne to tax the use of the word 'omnishambles'

It is believed the move could raise several million pounds for the exchequer from the media...

1
Ian Searle 20.03.13 9:16am
Titus