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UKIP protests as Edinburgh zoo reveals that female panda is pregnant

Earlier today, Edinburgh Zoo announced that its female panda, Tian-Tian, may well be pregnant. According to the Zoo's Director, the Chinese panda is showing all the classic signs of a Scottish...

AReader 27.08.13 7:06pm
Badger plays, digs and tries speed-dating: it’s game, sett and match... 1
Tripod 27.08.13 6:57pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Syria bows to UK pressure and legalises same sex marriage

William Hague and the Conservative Party claimed a great victory today in their fight against the great evils of our time, as President Assad of Syria announced the legalisation of gay marriage....

blacklesbianandproudofit 27.08.13 6:43pm
Badgers begin cull of 'litter dropping lazy humans'

The Council for Badgers has officially granted the culling of thousands of humans this week amidst fears that the species are 'systematically ruining the countryside with litter and air pollution'....

Jesus H 27.08.13 6:37pm
Jesus H
Pundit sacked for pronouncing foreign players' names correctly. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 27.08.13 6:37pm
Scottish stallion looking forward to sex change. Mare soon 1
sydalg 27.08.13 6:29pm
Eric Pickles' behind Badger Cull "to start today". More soon. 3
Al OPecia 27.08.13 4:18pm
Allies Demand To Know Exactly What Puppet Government US Is Planning For Syria

Before committing their support, Western allies are demanding that the USA discloses full details of precisely what form of puppet replacement government it intends to install in Syria after it has...

Titus 27.08.13 4:14pm
Whistleblower exposes Luxembourg secret service excess

Luxembourgers were in uproar this week as revelations of a vast government surveillance programme were made public by an ex-secret service consultant who had taken temporary refuge in the Embassy of...

Incandenza 27.08.13 3:08pm
Poor people trade in huge TV’s after seeing Jamie Oliver’s face on one.

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FOAD 27.08.13 3:04pm
UN at site of alleged chemical attack in Syria say "It's a gas" 1
bumtrinket 27.08.13 3:03pm
Wombles ‘scared shitless’ following TB outbreak in SW19

Sounds of gunfire were heard on Wimbledon Common this morning as chief womble Great Uncle Bulgaria unloaded a full clip from an AK47 into a passing group of American tourists. “It’s a matter of...

Landfill 27.08.13 2:59pm
Follow the badger cull live on Bovine TV 1
medici2471 27.08.13 2:57pm
Mourinho has communication problem with Rooney

Jose Mourinho has admitted that he has had problems in communicating with Wayne Rooney about a possible move to Chelsea. At a press conference today, he said: 'One has attempted to request that Mr...

John Wiltshire 27.08.13 1:20pm
John Wiltshire
National Leader Condemns Badger Cull

Colonel Despo, spokesman for the military junta which controls the People's Democratic Republic of North Bongostana, said "The weak, decadent government of Britain is getting it all wrong,...

Titus 27.08.13 12:49pm
UK Protests - Bombing is a far more humane way of mass killing 0
Rootin Tootin 27.08.13 12:14pm
Rootin Tootin
Prime Minister of Badgers cuts Syrian holiday short to tackle Somerset crisis

A team from Springwatch are withdrawn after coming under fire - but it turns ouit to be Kate Humble and Chris Packham taking pot shots at Bill Oddie...

Ian Searle 27.08.13 12:05pm
Ian Searle
Man About To Be Swallowed By Fearsome Creature - Maw Soon

(Well, it makes a change from the never-ending series of OFFTWADDLE posts...

Titus 27.08.13 11:54am
Lindy Moone
Where's Wally? jigsaw puzzle to be sold in 500 monthly installments. 0
Al OPecia 27.08.13 11:37am
Al OPecia
Former Colonial power attempts to wield match instead of a big stick

In shock news today a nearly bankrupt third world country that was formerly a world colonial power suddenly found it was wielding a match instead of a big stick when attempting to address the...

clarksn 27.08.13 11:02am
Government Establishes OFFEND To Regulate Nasty, Insulting Internet Messages 0
Titus 27.08.13 10:13am
Cunnilingus site gets 5000 Facebook licks 0
sydalg 27.08.13 10:09am
Assad points out that Syria didn't tread on the red line so it was ok. 1
Not Amused 27.08.13 10:02am
Isle of Wight attraction that does NOT feature Dinosaurs exposed as hoax

Following the statement earlier this year by the British Museum naming the Isle of Wight as the “Dinosaur Capital of Britain”, the plethora of recent dinosaur finds including nine year old Daisy...

clarksn 27.08.13 9:51am
Farmer accused of stealing straw released on bale 20
John Wiltshire 27.08.13 9:43am
Obama lists further coloured lines the Syrians must not cross

President Obama today listed a number of further lines that Syria must not cross. Addressing the nation, he said: 'Syria was told quite categorically that they must not cross the red line. However,...

John Wiltshire 27.08.13 9:35am
John Wiltshire
Wayne Rooney told to choose between hair loss treatments

Unsettled Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has been told that he needs to end speculation about his future and decide once-and-for-all which hair loss product he wishes to be associated with....

Long Distance Clara 27.08.13 9:32am
Long Distance Clara
Obama threatens missile strikes against DEFRA over massacare 0
Scronnyglonkle 27.08.13 9:13am
RAF in chaos as pilot cull begins

A spokesman for DEFRA has admitted "some confusion" as several RAF pilots have been shot by ministry marksmen...

apepper 27.08.13 9:10am
Princess Di ‘still alive’ says expert

Expert bunny rabbit breeder Tom Hare insisted one of his most prized examples ‘Princess Di’ was still alive today, amidst gossip in ‘Pedigree Rabbit’ magazine she had met her death by being...

farmer giles 27.08.13 8:55am
farmer giles