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I'm no racist but we're being swamped by Angles says head ofSaxon Defence League 0
ronseal 3 years
Spokesman for UK banks is a chap in Bangalore called Terry 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Banks refuse to talk to Sir John Vickers until he gives them his account number 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Travellers defend imprisonment of 24 slaves 0
borednow 3 years

as alternative source of income in the event of the value of scrap metal falling, a spokesman from the site Mick O'Mick said "we first got them in around 15 years ago when scrap value was at an all...

Sport relief cynics say David Walliams is simply going through the motions 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Archbishop of Canterbury to retire to concentrate on 2012 Strictly 0
simonjmr 3 years
UK Government To Close Stable Door By 2019 0
Awkward Facts 3 years

The Government has accepted plans by an Independent Commission to procure a bolt for the National Stable, fit it to the stable door, and then shut and lock the door by the year 2019. However, plans...

Daily Mail launches Fantasy Dictator Assassination League 0
simonjmr 3 years

The Daily Mail is launching Fantasy Dictator Assassination League, where livid readers get to spend £100m on buying 10 International dictators, crackpots and war criminals that they think will be...

Director of Josef Fritzl movie accused of nepotism 0
Runestone Cowboy 3 years
Rick Perry: "Without Capital Punishment There Would Be No Christianity" 3
Supremecourtjester 3 years

Defending his execution of 234 people as governor of Texas, Rick Perry said his fundamentalist religion would be nowhere without it. "If Pontius Pilate sentenced Jesus to 300 hours of community...

‘Gideon’s Way’, the new solution for the UKs stumbling economy 1
spoole2112 3 years

“Cuts will help recovery” was the mantra from George (Gideon) Osborne as he delivered a keynote speech today. The chancellor believes that the economy will thrive simply by removing all support...

Strategic world domination board game players forced to fill out Risk Assessment 4
Ian Searle 3 years

Manufacturers Parker Brothers claim it's the Nanny State gone mad! However the Health and Safety Executive have pointed out it does contain small parts which could cause choking, repeated shaking of...

Eric Pickles to display nutritional value 8
antharrison 3 years

Following the decision by McDonalds to label food clearly with levels of fat, salt and protein, fatboy cabinet minister Eric "Jar of and don't skimp on the cheese" Pickles is to be given a tattoo...

Sniffer dogs to be taught some manners 1
Runestone Cowboy 3 years
Dyslexic Bush counts the days till 11/9 2
Dumbnews 3 years
Homeopathic leak threatens catastrophe 16
bonjonelson 3 years

An accidental release of highly dilute homeopathic waste from a research institute in Swindon has lead to calls for the centre to be shut down. Plant operators have admitted responsibility for...

North Korea to join EU next year 2
Rick Bradford 3 years

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK) will officially join the European Union on January 1 next year, according to a statement from the EU's Directorate of Expansion Rapporteurs. In the...

Car wash proprietor opens supermarket 4
antharrison 3 years

Although he always answered "If I wanted a f*cking car wash I'd go to a f*cking car wash" to the attendants hawking £5 mini-valets in his local Tesco car park, car wash owner John Askham wondered if...

Reading Out The Names Of Those Killed In Accidents 0
Awkward Facts 3 years

In a monthly ceremony organized by the United States Government to begin in October this year, on the 11th day of each month the United States Secretary of Transportation will stand outside 1200 New...

Statisticians Remember 81% 0
thisisall1word 3 years

succinct is the new funny., Although, this is sort of now after the even tell this one in a few months time and get an "ey?"...

Godot arrives 3
Oxbridge 3 years
Autistic Statisticians Remember 81% 3
thisisall1word 3 years
Germany set to abandon Grease according to BBC report 0
tedweasel 3 years

EXECUTIVES at Deutche Bank are urging Chancellor Angela Merkel to sever ties with the 1970's hit musical Grease claiming that it's upbeat tunes no longer reflect the spirit of the nation., Right...

Budget Time-Travel Operator Opens Timeport in 2011 3
TokyoTomato 3 years

Budget time-travel operator EasyTime has opened a new timeport in 2011. But while it may be good news for local businesses, the tourists from the future are frequently disappointed with its lack of...

Ten years on, we now know what celebrities were doing on the day of 9/11 3
ronseal 3 years

After three days of tireless interviewing the British media can now reveal the whereabouts of every single celebrity in London when they heard about the events in the New York. Celebrity policeman...

Insufferable UK Pedants' Mark 11/9 0
thisisall1word 3 years
Ricky Gervais Bombs At 9/11 Memorial Service 6
Textbook 3 years

Controversial comedian Ricky Gervais was a surprise choice to MC proceedings in New York for the tenth anniversary of the World Trade Centre attacks, but it is safe to say that he won't be asked back...

911 minutes silence deemed excessive, replaced with 60 seconds 0
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

Except for Piers Morgan, who is actively encouraged to shut the fuck up for just over 15 hours...

10 yr anniversary of 9/11 marked with decimal rename of 0.81818181 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Pre-decimal pedant complains, "9/11, that was nearly 50p when I was a kid" 1
Ian Searle 3 years