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I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here to be filmed directly from HMP Belmarsh

Following a spate of celebrity incarcerations, ITV have announced that the location of its popular reality TV show, 'I'm a CelebrityGet Me Out of Here!', will be relocated from the tropics of...

13
Jesus H 04.11.13 4:06pm
Jesus H
Irish terror suspect caught sneaking out of church in a bikini 0
A.A.Arkwright 04.11.13 4:06pm
A.A.Arkwright
Ding beats Dong in Chinese Campanology Championships 0
custard cream 04.11.13 3:58pm
custard cream
Yewtree arrests Freddie Starr on suspicion of oral sex with hamster 2
sydalg 04.11.13 3:43pm
Tripod
Misanthropic Archaeologist has a Dig at Everyone 0
Flugelbinder 04.11.13 3:29pm
Flugelbinder
Call for brain-dead footballers to be removed from the pitch

A spokesman for the charity Rich Thickos called today for brain-dead footballers to be removed from the pitch until they showed a basic form of intelligence, compared with, say, a rock. The...

0
John Wiltshire 04.11.13 3:03pm
John Wiltshire
Twat in suit uses words "Robust and Rigorous" one time too many. Bludgeoned.

Some twat in a senior management position, wearing a drecky Marks & Spencer two piece and light blue stay-prest shirt (but, as if to claw desperately at the last remaining tendril of his...

19
blokefromstoke 04.11.13 2:02pm
blokefromstoke
Jonah qualifies for Wales following new 3 day residency rule 2
irreverendJ 04.11.13 1:59pm
sydalg
70’s Light Entertainer admits molesting self

One of the few remaining figures in 70’s light entertainment not to be questioned as part of Operation Yewtree yesterday admitted molesting himself on repeated occasions over a 30 year period....

4
blokefromstoke 04.11.13 1:40pm
blokefromstoke
Co-op and Food Bank set to merge

The troubled Co-op Bank is in talks to merge with the Food Bank in an attempt to prevent branch closures and save jobs. Spokesman for the Co-op, Andrew Gilhooley said, “It’s genius really. ...

0
Coco 04.11.13 1:22pm
Coco
New Schools Chief meets with Headteachers in disused abbatoir

The Secretary of state for Education, Michael Gove has announced the appointment of a new Chief Inspector for Schools. Ronnie “The Animal” Henderson has been brought in to, in Mr Gove’s words,...

17
blokefromstoke 04.11.13 12:55pm
Midfield Diamond
Royal Mail collapses as penchant for 'open letters' on the rise 0
KateWritesStuff 04.11.13 12:14pm
KateWritesStuff
Juan Sheet does Katie Price 1
Oxbridge 04.11.13 12:11pm
cinnahmon
Open Justice: Your guide to televised UK Court proceedings

Despite the much publicised introduction of television cameras in the Court of Appeal, it appears that the general public are still confused about what exactly lawyers and Judges are talking about...

4
jamsieoconnor 04.11.13 10:59am
jamsieoconnor
Jeepers Creepers

Not to be out done by J Sainsbury and their exciting free 'wandering spider' offer Tesco are offering a selection of free venomous creepy-crawlies with their assorted fruit and vegetables-Buy 0ne get...

0
vanhellsink 04.11.13 10:17am
vanhellsink
Maidstone Prison Riot

..lock 'em all up I say...

3
vanhellsink 04.11.13 10:08am
vanhellsink
Chaos on Welsh Countdown as winner top scores with nine consonents 2
AReader 04.11.13 10:04am
John Wiltshire
From the grave, Jimmy Savile calls for press regulation

Speaking through a weeja board, Jimmy Savile has lent his support to Chris Huhne and called for tighter press regulation...

0
ronseal 04.11.13 1:09am
ronseal
I'm Unknown Get Me Out Of Here

Hold onto yer boomerangs cobbers, it's nearly that time of the year again when a motley assortment of unemployable mentally challenged pommie Z list no-hoper's descend on the land of Oz. Yes, it's...

0
vanhellsink 03.11.13 8:08pm
vanhellsink
BBC Mausoleum denies Lord Reith’s embalmed body is 'fake'

In the new BBC Mausoleum, deep in the bowels of Broadcasting House, nothing seems to have changed, since it was built by the British Broadcasting Commissariat over 40 years ago. The first thing you...

6
nickb 03.11.13 7:38pm
nickb
Middle-aged man wins cock drawing of the year award

In a fiercely contested battle of the best knob art, Jon Veitch, a 43 year-old QA inspector from Kent, has won the prestigious title of cock drawing of the year. Jon's piece was among thousands of...

4
Robopop 03.11.13 5:04pm
Wrenfoe
Fruit growers' trade paper suffers "sloe news day" 1
nickb 03.11.13 5:02pm
Wrenfoe
Entrance to Downing Street to be renamed 'Plebgate' 1
bonjonelson 03.11.13 4:19pm
nickb
blokefromstoke - that emotional acceptance speech in full

In a lavish ceremony at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, an emotional Blokefromstoke accepted his Golden Biscuit from Annette Benning. Miss Benning, appearing as she did in the cult hit...

1
blokefromstoke 03.11.13 3:22pm
nickb
'I make plenty of my own gas, thank you very much', claims Eric Pickles

Conservative politician Eric Pickles has slammed recent claims that be may be involved in the latest expenses scandal that has rocked the Houses of Parliament, by stating outright that he makes 'more...

0
Jesus H 03.11.13 2:22pm
Jesus H
Racist sick of being targeted by prejudiced police

Barry “Pukey” Gascoigne has spoken out today about the way he and his fellow skinhead racists are discriminated against by police simply for looking the way they do. “Just because we wear...

0
TobiasBV 03.11.13 2:08pm
TobiasBV
Mowvember causes spate of sick leave due to testosterone deficiency.

A group known as the Mowvember Nazis are thought to be responsible for normally conscientious male employees calling in sick due to feelings of inadequacy. Amid pressure to go unshaven during...

0
MADJEZ 03.11.13 12:59pm
MADJEZ
Dangling footwear latest - 'fears grow' for missing tightrope walkers

A spate of dangling footwear on elevated wires has given rise to fears of a vendetta against tightrope walkers. Police have confirmed that there have been a growing number of reports relating to...

5
Dick Everyman 03.11.13 12:56pm
Paddy Berzinski
Newsbiscuit 'not good enough' to be banned

Despite seven years of ill-considered wit, grammatical errors and excessive references to the Isle of Wight, Newsbiscuit.com has thoroughly failed to 'offend anyone of importance'. While popular...

3
Wrenfoe 03.11.13 12:48pm
Paddy Berzinski
Afghan Taliban ban Pakistan Taliban urban turban

Sunni and Shia hit ‘Then He Kissed Me’ also outlawed, but ‘Bang Bang’ encouraged...

6
farmer giles 03.11.13 11:35am
FOAD