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'Taser Handicap Stakes' not as successful as hoped admits Newbury race manager. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Devil reveals shock unemployment figures for Idle Hands 8
maurice0c 3 years

1100 HMT This morning the Devil has come clean to the House of Hell representatives as to the latest shock rise in the unemployment of idle hands; a key directive of his post. "Since the economic...

Veteran goalkeeper forced to retire due to council cutbacks 1
Gerontius 3 years

Veteran Man Utd goalkeeper Edwin Van Der Sar has confirmed he will definitely be retiring at the end of the current season, a decision he feels has been forced upon him by proposed cutbacks ...

Egypt gives lesson to David Cameron about what ‘Big Society’ might actually mean 5
Doylem 3 years
'Rastamouse' accusations of racism... 0
riesler 3 years

CBeebies chief says "Just wait 'till they see Muslimrat"...

Scotland agree that there should be only 5 Nations next season. 2
Ostsee 3 years
Elton John charged with murdering Nikitta.. and other songs. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Bangles to reissue hit song 'Walk like an Egyptian' 0
fernandomando 3 years
Future News: McDonald's Buys FDA 1
Notmeno 3 years

(Published 2027) - WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a landmark takeover, fast food/media giant McDonald's-Disney bought out the Food and Drugs Administration. "It makes me feel very sad," said Republican, Ted...

Night-time weddings to be allowed 4
Tammy Flugh 3 years

Couples will be able to consummate their weddings immediately after the ceremony without the need for tedious receptions and embarrassing speeches by the best man, a Government spokesman said today...

Young skinhead finds new Aggrorythm for efficiently beating up descenters 3
3 years

recruited by Google...

Gamblers await outcome of NatWest’s ‘More Helpful?’ report 0
antharrison 3 years

Leading bookies and the British gambling community are said to be ‘Desperate’ to learn if the long-awaited independent report commissioned by NatWest into whether it has become ‘More helpful’...

Researchers prove that lemons are edible. 0
rikkor 3 years
Nokia-Microsoft alliance launches the new Not Responding handset 2
ronseal 3 years

At a glittering reception at Mobile Word Congress in Barcelona, Nokia and Microsoft unveiled the ei vastaa handset to an audience of serial killing suspects [aka technology journalists]. Ei Vastaa...

Mubarak and Ben Ali hit it off on holiday. 1
malgor 3 years

Egypt’s newly-ousted President Hosni Mubarak has sent a postcard home, saying he’s enjoying his holiday. He and his wife have met up with another couple, Tunisia’s recently-toppled President...

No more Toblerone for Mubarak as Swiss government freeze his assets 0
Selma 3 years

Mubarak's relocation to Sharm El-Sheikh has gone down in history as a 'last resort', taking the accolade from Weston super Mare for the first time in 30 years. When told of this loss of status,...

Manchester Derby on early, encouraging fans to fight stone cold sober... 5
Doylem 3 years
Clarke Announcement - Big Society "to be downsized". More soon. 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
The "Infinite Beam" laser harp is the new guitar. 2
theumpire 3 years

Keep an eye open for two new all-girl groups – Funky Pluckers and The Harpies - whose new releases are zooming into the charts, thanks to recent advances in lasers, digital pick-ups and repeated...

Salvation Army finds new role in world domination... 0
Doylem 3 years

Having given up singing hymns, rattling tambourines and saving hopeless alcoholics from themselves, the Salvation Army has amalgamated with the Salvation Navy and Salvation Air Force, to create “an...

HoMu: "just popped out for some fags" 0
beau-jolly 3 years

A clearly shocked Hosni Mubarak was realing yesterday after popping to the local bazaar for a packed of Camel filter. "I was only gone for a couple of minutes" he explained, "when I got back the...

Apple to launch new app for Rastafarian hair stylists...the iDread 0
Gerontius 3 years

Just for rikkor, I'm sure it's been done (to death)but hey...

BBC in Military Take Over Palace Make Over. 1
wallster 3 years

A recently vacated Presidential palace in Cairo is to be the subject of a special edition of the BBC's flagship makeover show, DIY SOS. The palace had been occupied by the same man for the past 30...

Voting an “inside job” for the inmates of HMP Scrimshaw... 4
Doylem 3 years

With the news that inmates of the country’s prisons are to be allowed to vote, the lags of HMP Scrimshaw discuss their political affiliations. “We get unfairly stereotyped”, complained Harry...

Developers defend themselves against ‘rape of the countryside’ accusations... 1
Doylem 3 years

Beelzebub Homes, currently bulldozing thirty acres of ancient woodland to create a brand-new community of 400 ‘executive’ houses, is facing accusations that the company is “raping the...

Girlfriend forced to rely upon romance of non-league football on Valentines Day. 1
Stan Laurel 3 years

Instead of looking forward to a romantic dinner for two, Emily Laker, the long suffering girlfriend of devout football fan Dan Matlock, is already resigned to spending her evening on the cold...

Apple to launch new mini-mini computer 3
theumpire 3 years

Following the phenomenal success of the iPad, Apple Corporation has announced a new touch screen computer that is smaller than its now famous iPod Shuffle. The new multifunction PC, which can be...

Court of European rights declared voting for x-factor human right 0
4ty2 3 years

whilst the NSPCC investigates if making children watch the show is an act of cruelty...

Daily Mail warns of flood of Egyptian asylum seekers. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Shocked researchers announce that lemons are actually edible. 0
rikkor 3 years