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Tony Hayward PR contract with Ashley Cole 0
AlexR 3 years

End is nigh for Tony Hayward's PR contract with Ashley Cole. More soon...
"Mullah's wives" top selling magazine in Iran 1
simonjmr 3 years

It's all in the eyes. More soon...
Government plan to deter cash-hoarders on track 0
hero2zero 3 years

The current Treasury plan to force those that hoard cash to bank it by voiding twenty-pound notes, overnight is running to plan. The notes, displaying a picture of Elgar will become illegal tender...
Cameron calls for calm as public demands "Fabio's Law". 2
dominic_mcg 3 years

A test run of Fabio's Law – the controversial scheme which allows the public to check whether their neighbours are England footballers – has shown that one in 15 people enquired about are premier...
Russia 'winning the race in attractive spies' admits intelligence chiefs 1
jp1885 3 years

Following the publication of Russian spy Anna Chapman's social networking photos, British and American intelligence agencies have been forced to admit that the Russian Foreign Intelligence Service...
Tickets for England 'Welcome Home' party to be allocated by ballot. 2
Griffin 3 years

Volunteers are sought to apply for the ten tickets to the 'Welcome Home' party of our glorious football team. The lucky winners will be chosen by a ballot. A specially chartered Ryanair flight will...
Pretty criminals to get early release 0
MrChigleysAunt 3 years
Mail reader still puzzled by number of asylums seekers from Iraq and Afghanistan 0
la maga 3 years
Pukka pies: Hold your nose and close your eyes! 1
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

As the scales fall from every football fan's eyes, and they finally see the world in all its high definition ugliness, products that traded on their football association are beginning to plummet....
Foreign Office claims Pope condom memo was just 'gentle ribbing' 6
rickwestwell 3 years

The Catholic Church - ribbed for your pleasure...
Ferguson is press stand-in for Quieroz after Portugal's World Cup exit. 3
Mrblacker 3 years
Ginger Tom to be called Titian Tom from now on 0
simonjmr 3 years
Tories combine policies: Volunteers to staff prisons 0
virtuallywill 3 years

so much more later...
Schoolboy footballer commits 'England team' error 2
Oxbridge 3 years
Cartographers admit error in trying to make 3D map of the world to scale 0
Ludicity 3 years
Osborne announces plan to: "cull the less fortunate" 3
AdrianJ 3 years

In a move aimed at cutting the country's £155bn deficit, the Chancellor, George Osborne, today outlined the Government's new plan to, "humanely dispose of the needy and less fortunate". Mr Osborne...
Black Cop shoots white person ,Tv critic welcomes the return of theTwilight Zone 0
arrghgarry 3 years

more soon ,maybe ,maybe not...
Small tiny diminutive Lilly Pad Nudedoll doesn`t think her job is special 0
arrghgarry 3 years

She does n`t think she is special ,she is just standing on the shoulders of others, to bring special relief to tall people...
Disappointment as Cameron's cabinet road trip fails to end Thelma & Louise style 0
Ludicity 3 years
Home Office considers paying criminals to retire from life of crime 0
hero2zero 3 years

Paying criminals to give up crime is one of the money-saving ideas being considered bye the government. A spokesman said, “We considered it over the Westminster expenses scandal, so why not for...
Virginia Water Women's Institute elects surprise 'Motherfucker of the year' 2
antharrison 3 years

For the first time in its 86 year history the Virginia Water branch of the Women's Institute located in affluent Surrey has elected a geographic outsider as its "Motherfucker of the Year". The...
Drugs debate re-opened as Tories re-classify cannabis as 'Working Class' 0
dicky37 3 years

In a bid to 'better reflect the socioeconomic status of UK users', drugs such as marijuana, crack and speed will be classified 'Working Class', while substances such as cocaine will be 'Middle Class'...
Autobiography titles announced- 9
ramblesnake 3 years

Gordon Brown's: "I Didn't Do It" David Cameron's: "It Was Like That When I Got Here"...
Hurricane Alex hits out at Gulf cleanup 0
QorbeQ 3 years

Hurricane Alex is whipping up a storm around the coast of the United States, making conditions difficult for BP to continue its ongoing oil cleanup operation. Alex 'Hurricane' Higgins, former...
Bouncers on Court 1 at Wimbledon 2
Scroat 3 years

But Serena safely through to the next round...
The Silencer Puts An End To Annoying Cell Phone Usage 1
rfreed 3 years

Instant riches have been bestowed upon Freedom From Cellular Company, the inventor of the new, anti-cell phone jamming device called “The Silencer”. This fresh creation shuts down any irritating...
Incompetent Gas Fitter Told Decision About His Contract Will Be Made in 2 Weeks 7
Svendo 3 years

Gas Fitter Harry Figgins has been told by British Gas that they will make a decision on whether he will keep his job in the next 2 weeks. This comes after Figgins took a box full of world class tools...
Anne Robinson to film special World Cup squad weakest link 2
Iamthestig 3 years

The referee's a winker!...
Tevez is not as tired as his English premier Colleabgues but empathises . 2
arrghgarry 3 years

I am not as tired as the others because I work the linea de merde ,or as Wayne, calls me a shit liner ,don`t confuse this with the line of shit ,the girls that the premier league players choose...
Research highlights the health benefits of prison 1
hero2zero 3 years

Analysis of health statistics has shown higher rates of recovery from serious illness are attained by a spell in prison, Citing well publicised cases, Ernest Saunders, Alzheimer’s, Ronnie Biggs,...