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Diane Abbott to replace John Terry as England captain

The Football Association has finally bowed to pressure and removed John Terry from the role of captain of the England football team, replacing him with Labour MP Diane Abbott. Mrs Abbott is expected...

Long Distance Clara 02.02.12 12:02pm
Long Distance Clara
Greg Torode suffers coronary after wannabe chef serves omelette

Masterchef's smug foodie Greg Torode was today in hosiptal following a massive coronary brought on by the stress of a dish served by a contestant. A spokesperson for the show explained,"he had just...

grottymonty 02.02.12 12:17pm
Prince William's new dog's name is a tribute to the Dambusters speculation

After it was announced yesterday that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have bought a puppy, speculation has mounted that the as yet unveiled name of the dog is a tribute to 617 Squadron. More soon...

simonjmr 02.02.12 1:01pm
Science decoder of 'internal voices' lands man in legal trouble

A 21 year old Cambridge student, who volunteered for scientific research, has found that he has lost several friends, and is even facing criminal charges of sexual harassment. Researchers at have...

simonjmr 02.02.12 11:03am
Shock as Masterchef aired without Coldplay in the background 2
kimllfixit 02.02.12 5:34pm
Wales caught by Japanese Fishermen whilst trying to leave UK, 0
RJWinter 02.02.12 9:28am
Radical move sweeps through Honours System

"We've responded quickly to something that has obviously concerned British voters, sorry, people for some considerable time," said PM David Cameron speaking outside no 10 last night after MPs and...

Drylaw 02.02.12 9:18am
Olympic opening ceremony to include ritual stripping of Ovett's OBE, urges Coe 2
pere floza 02.02.12 12:06pm
Beckham: "my days of posing naked are over”.

Thank fuck for that, says David...

John Ffitch-Rucker 02.02.12 8:44am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Saudia Arabia extends Sharia law to those caught stealing hotel toiletries 0
Dumbnews 02.02.12 4:25am
Mugabe meets with Blunt and Ceaucescu relatives to demand knightood restorations

Zimbabwean president Robert Mugabe has flown to Europe to meet with relatives of the late Anthony Blunt and Nicolae Ceaucescu. It is understood that all parties are concerned for their reputations...

DorsetBoy 02.02.12 3:41am
Fred Goodwin to have knighthood removed in embarrassing public ceremony.

It has been disclosed that, mere hours after the news of having his knighthood removed was revealed to the public, Fred Goodwin is to have it taken off him in an embarrassing public ceremony....

WatcherMark 02.02.12 1:10am
Weather Latest : Next week to be worse than last year so wrap up warm 0
Drylaw 01.02.12 9:17pm
Government Strips Frd Gdwn of His Vowels 0
thisisall1word 01.02.12 8:47pm
Sky Sports to launch new 4D service called ‘actually going to the match’

Sky TV bosses have today launched a new sports coverage service called ‘actually going to the match’. ‘Actually going to the match is raising the bar of realistic viewing experiences’...

ianslat 02.02.12 10:56am
Labour would knight Fred Goodwin for helping boost Miliband's popularity 0
roybland 01.02.12 8:24pm
Politician outlines 2-year plan to develop next economic bubble 0
Dumbnews 01.02.12 7:59pm
Outed ex pro Robbie Savage calls for tolerance of football's thespians

Footballing macho man Robbie Savage gave 110 per cent every game and never shirked a challenge. He faced down some of the game's hardest men, stood up to Alex Ferguson and even took Stuart Pearce out...

ronseal 06.02.12 1:53pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Cyclist apologises for 'obeying a red light'

A cyclist in Oxford has been forced to apologise for confusion caused to all other road users when he took the irresponsible decision to obey a red light. The chaos that ensued led to 3 cars being...

Perks 03.02.12 4:35pm
‘I’m Sensing You Know Someone Called Dave’ Predicts Country’s Top Psychic

The entire population of Britain was gripped by the amazing revelations of the UK’s top psychic in the TV event of the century last night. “The Mystic Mondo” (real name Raymond Grimes) amazed...

UnoEye 03.02.12 12:53pm
Midfield Diamond
Detective in Redknapp trial to appear in remake "Men who Stare at Gits". 0
Al OPecia 01.02.12 5:39pm
Al OPecia
Redknapp breaks into song at tiral "Beckham on my mind". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 01.02.12 5:38pm
Al OPecia
Isaac Azimov develops the iRobot

I'll get my coat...

Smart Alex 01.02.12 5:02pm
Smart Alex
Woman said to have done the same job for sixty years never actually had a job

Claims that a Windsor woman has done the same job for sixty years have been challenged on the grounds that she has never had a job. Employment lawyer Adam Simons said that shaking hands with people...

roybland 02.02.12 12:07pm
Creative Roman Emperor invents iClaudius

(hat-tip to Mrs Nick)...

Sinnick 01.02.12 4:53pm
Smart Alex
Manufacturer of pirate goods develops the iPatch 2
Smart Alex 02.02.12 10:30am
Labour hails breakthrough which allows access to the thoughts of coma patients 0
dvo4fun 01.02.12 3:32pm
Home Secretary Theresa May repeals The Prevention of Terrorism Act 2005!

In a surprise move today, Home Secretary Theresa May has repealed The Prevention of Terrorism Act 2005. She told reporters that we really couldn’t go on with an Act which had been rushed in just...

hardev 01.02.12 11:35pm
Lawyers confirm Rosie Redknapp 'not a happy bunny' but a very rich doggie 0
simonjmr 01.02.12 2:07pm
Fred Goodwin sacked from Channel 4's "Deal or no deal" 0
antharrison 01.02.12 2:00pm