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Theatreland 'shocked' by West End tragedy

Theatre goers attending an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical have received messages of sympathy from people across theatreland after parts of the ceiling at The Aldwych refused to budge at any time during...

Gerontius 21.12.13 2:43am
Health warning: Nigella's cookie crumbles when placed under the Grillo 0
irreverendJ 20.12.13 11:52pm
Rik Mayal & Ade Edmundson to star in N.Korea remake of BBC comedy classic

The Jung Uns...

Gerontius 20.12.13 7:41pm
God and Santa agree to job-share...

After months of tense negotiations, God and Santa Claus have agreed to job-share. At a hastily convened press-call, yesterday, both men outlined their plans for working less and relaxing more....

Tripod 20.12.13 7:28pm
Nigella Lawson to Rush Release Cover of ‘White Christmas’

TV cook Nigella Lawson, claiming that court costs in the fraud case involving former employees of herself and ex-husband Charles Saatchi have left her “paying through the nose”, is this weekend...

Iggy Pop-Barker 20.12.13 6:26pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Grillo sisters to present on QVC Shopping Channel

Francesca Grillo and sister Elisabetta are to present on QVC's Shopping Channel. The move follows their acquittal at Isleworth Crown Court on charges of fraud, brought against them by TV cook,...

Dick Everyman 20.12.13 5:04pm
Dick Everyman
Christmas comes early for those that forgot to put their clocks back in October

*for use on Christmas eve at 11pm*...

D 20.12.13 4:58pm
Luis Suarez Bites Bullet And Signs Long-term Liverpool Contract

Liverpool FC chairman Mr Eric Bullet was later released from Liverpool Infirmary after a series of rabies shots...

pinxit 20.12.13 4:55pm
They bringing down the house at the Apollo - but are the critics happy? Oh no... 0
ronseal 20.12.13 2:44pm
UKIP to use HS2 to rapidly transport Romanians to Scotland

Disposable trains will fall off cliffs into the sea at John O’Groats under a new plan developed with a Tory right wing think tank ahead of a possible coalition at the next election. Those who...

farmer giles 20.12.13 1:28pm
farmer giles
Tulisa pleads 'not guilty' to dealing 'shit music'

Tulisa Contostavlos has appeared in court today and pleaded 'not guilty' to being a part of N-Dubz. The alleged singer was arrested back in June following an undercover sting that caught her on tape...

James Pluside 20.12.13 12:32pm
Midfield Diamond
Theatre staging Chicken Licken panto closed for structural checks 0
Idiot 20.12.13 12:21pm
Investigative feature: Theatre ceiling collapsed and it was awful

An extensive investigative journalism report has revealed that the ceiling of a threatre has collapsed. Following significant and substantial investigative work, an exclusive interview with a...

jamsieoconnor 20.12.13 11:21am
King Herod unveils radical plan to avoid bedroom tax... 0
Tripod 20.12.13 10:44am
Stoke allotments shortlisted as viable option for new Heathrow runway.

Heathrow's third runway could potentially be sited on an allotment in Stoke on Trent, Airport executives today confirmed. At the time of writing, top level talks are being held between Senior...

blokefromstoke 20.12.13 10:00am
Players would like a return to sitting say PFA

Players from the Premiership’s top flight clubs say they would like seats installed on the pitch during Premiership matches., A survey carried out by the PFA found most leading players would like...

Gerontius 20.12.13 9:55am
West End performance brings the house down.

No encore soon, and no dead so I think it's ok...

James Pluside 20.12.13 9:49am
Iain Duncan Smith to ban food banks – could be next Tottenham boss

The Chingford Slaphead smirked: “What’s all the fuss about? I enjoy wastage, incompetence and inflicting pain and misery upon poor and vulnerable people.” It was pointed out to him...

farmer giles 20.12.13 9:14am
farmer giles
Man adds 'H' to his name In a bid to avoid confusion, abuse and exploitation

A man has inserted the initial 'H' between his first and last names and received a public apology after his photo was erroneously splashed all over websites and magazines during the last few weeks. ...

pinxit 20.12.13 9:14am
The word 'fat' is fatist, claims wobblebottom 4
Squudge 20.12.13 8:54am
Australian cricket team arrested under Operation Yewtree 4
jp1885 20.12.13 8:09am
Live at the Apollo 1
medici2471 20.12.13 7:20am
'Truffles were ready' explains Duncan-Smith

Work and Pensions Secretary Ian Duncan Smith has defended his decision to walk out of a Commons debate on Food Banks explaining he had received a text message from the Commons canteen to say his...

Gerontius 20.12.13 1:02am
Di photo cures cancer and raises house prices; Express editor dies of pleasure

More to follow...

apepper 19.12.13 10:30pm
Old Master found in barn

A long lost masterpiece by Murillo has been discovered in a stable in Tring. The painting, entitled "The Selfie Adoration of The Magi" is believed to represent the vanity of man in the presence of a...

pinxit 19.12.13 6:13pm
Kevin the Swan
Mills replaces Long John Silver as world’s scariest Uniped

Despite strong competition from Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody, Heather ‘show me the money’ Mills has been crowned ‘Most Chilling Pegleg Aficionado - 2013’. When not assaulting High Court...

Wrenfoe 19.12.13 5:07pm
Dog Bites Man on Slow News Day

"I tried to pat my neighbor's dog Peeker's and she bit me," Rich Belmont told a group of reporters camped outside his Centreville residence. When asked why they were covering so tame a story, one...

John L. Monk 19.12.13 3:24pm
Assange broaches topic of 'bringing girls back' with Ecuadorian ambassador 1
D 19.12.13 12:23pm
Christmas on hold after turkey contracts Man Flu

Wirral Borough Council has said an 8 year-old turkey has become unbearable after contracting a strain of man flu not previously found in poultry. The New Ferry Centre for Disease Control and...

Gary Stanton 19.12.13 12:08pm
Local residents raise £156 for charity to keep Round Table Santa away

A group of neighbours on Lichfield’s Boley Park estate have raised £156 and donated it to Lichfield Round Table for charity. John Smith of Pentire Road explained: 'We are delighted with the...

medici2471 19.12.13 10:29am