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'Brian Cox effect' leads to surge in moisturiser sales 3
custard cream 14.01.13 4:52pm
Government approves plan to generate electricity using hot air given off by MPs

The government has expressed interest in proposals to use the hot air given off by any session in either chamber of the house to generate electricity. Output during even low key debates is calculated...

gregle 14.01.13 3:30pm
US Embassy staff rescued by flying puppets in new film "Thunderbirds Argo" ...

Ben Affleck to direct...

Kramaring 14.01.13 3:03pm
Inventor of electronic breathalyser fails breath test 0
Duncan Biscuit 14.01.13 3:00pm
Duncan Biscuit
Army Practise Handstands In Response To "No British Boots On The Grounds" Call

Prime Minister David Cameron has promised that there will be "no British boots on the ground" in support of French troops in Mali. In order to prepare for this the Army are rigorously being trained...

Sexton A Blake 14.01.13 1:36pm
Sexton A Blake
Saville was just child-like genius claim Jacko's family. 0
MADJEZ 14.01.13 1:31pm
Asperger Brothers Band splits up, blaming 'autistic differences' 1
Oxbridge 14.01.13 12:25pm
Bespoke Tailors Deny That Savile Row is an Argument About Paedophilia 0
Titus 14.01.13 10:23am
Yew Tree Lane residents give thumbs-down to Operation Yewtree

Residents of Yew Tree Lane in the leafy suburbs of Wolverhampton have made a formal complaint to the Metropolitan Police following adverse publicity surrounding their investigations into child sexual...

Dick Everyman 14.01.13 10:17am
Dick Everyman
Paramedics disciplined for using ambulance to sell ice-creams

A team of paramedics from Bristol have been suspended after reportedly selling ice cream from their ambulance. If found guilty they face a rocky road, and could see their incomes frozen. "Our...

14.01.13 9:21am
Dick Everyman
UK braced for deluge of snow pictures 0
exigo 14.01.13 9:10am
Yodel to offer choice of seasons for redelivery of parcels

Utterly useless courier business Yodel is to offer customers who missed their first delivery the choice of spring, summer, autumn or winter for Yodel to attempt the delivery again. ‘It’s about...

DustyBinLaden 14.01.13 3:53am
Audible Minority
Tourist feverishly snapping pictures of city unaware of Google Streetview 0
Dumbnews 14.01.13 1:13am
Duncan Smith to force claimants to wear benefits cap

The government announced plans for those claiming benefit for more than six months to be required to wear special headwear in public, in effect a compulsory benefits cap. “There will be no stigma...

nickb 14.01.13 12:13am
Not Amused
Sloth downgraded from deadly sin to “minor misdemeanour”... 0
Tripod 13.01.13 11:40pm
Pot noodle is not poodle insists Korean snack manufacturer 11
nickb 13.01.13 11:35pm
RAF airlifts Gérard Depardieu into Mali 'to entertain French troops'

Britain's largest transport aircraft has been offered to the French, so that Gérard Depardieu can be airlifted to the Mali frontline. In a daring operation that exceeded the airframe's carrying...

Dawsons creek 13.01.13 10:23pm
Dick Everyman
RAF fly to Marley to collect plumbing supplies. 0
MADJEZ 13.01.13 10:12pm
Locals baffled by first fall of snow...

Clive Small, a local man, was scratching his head at what he saw when he opened the bedroom curtains this morning. “Only yesterday my garden was a colourful patchwork of flowerbeds and bare lawn,...

Tripod 13.01.13 9:58pm
Hell Latest Region To Adopt Austerity

Costcutting making it 'difficult to uphold quality and frequency of punishments' Satan himself has today issued a press release warning that austerity measures might compromise the quality and...

stalinetta 13.01.13 8:55pm
Dad very nearly resists doing Ring of Fire joke.

Mark Oaks, 12, from Stevenage is in the news today having witnessed firsthand his father very nearly avoid making the standard Dad Ring-Of-Fire joke following the inclusion of the Johnny Clash...

Shaun S Bored 13.01.13 7:28pm
BBC hires delightfully quirky new children’s presenter – Gives own show!

Good news! A super new kidz show will be hitting our screens shortly! “Robbie Makes Dreams Cum True” has been devised and will be presented by exciting new BBC discovery, entertainer Robbie...

Shaun S Bored 13.01.13 7:05pm
Murmuration of Clarins girls in Bristol, heralds end to winter - 2

Amateur meteorologists today have been drawn to Bristol City centre, where a murmation of Clarins counter girls has unexpectedly been sighted. In weather circles such gatherings are linked to...

simonjmr 13.01.13 6:48pm
Man says boo to goose

Residents in the small Dorset village of Puddletown were shocked today at the news that a local man had said ‘boo’ to a goose. Paul Barton, 43, has been described by neighbours as ‘a quiet man...

Dawsons creek 13.01.13 5:56pm
“It’s not just about the flag”, say Irish loyalists, “it’s about the pole too". 0
Tripod 13.01.13 2:21pm
British help French troops with transportation of white flags 3
Perks 13.01.13 1:53pm
Geordies Ready, And Oot And Aboot For Ice-Skating And Shoveling Practice....

In readiness for the annual road-grit steal by southern Tory councils. "Oh, I say,thank you, Mr Cameron, your worship."...

Jesse Bigg 13.01.13 1:35pm
Perks 13.01.13 1:12pm
Heston Blumenthal condemns rhino poaching: 'they are best fried in tiger blood' 4
charlies_hat 13.01.13 9:15am
Mathematicians Not Sure if an iPhone is Complex or Just Imaginary 2
Titus 13.01.13 7:59am