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Jeremy Clarkson is “carrying the seeds of his own destruction” He is a man more associated with horsepower than horticulture. But in a tersely worded statement, Jeremy Clarkson...

nickb 09.02.12 10:08am
Masterchef judges 'need bath' 2
08.02.12 1:58pm
Luton based mineral water supplier to TM 'Arab Spring' name 0
MagnusOpum 08.02.12 1:00pm
UN confounded by Argentinian anger at Twitter speed camera issues...

in Mercosur mix-up...

MagnusOpum 08.02.12 12:56pm
New helium extinguisher 'puts the fun back in fire-fighting'

An innovative new fire extinguisher that uses helium to tackle unwanted flames has been hailed as 'a lot of fun' by safety fans. "Our new canned heat solution harnessess the 'helium triangle'",...

10.02.12 4:18pm
New TV show ‘Man v Booze’ slammed as irresponsible

A spin-off from popular TV show ‘Man v Food’ has been branded ‘irresponsible and dangerous’ by health advisers. ‘Man v Booze’ premiered on Dave last week, in between repeats of Top Gear...

Vertically Challenged Giant 08.02.12 7:53pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Argentina threatens military action as UK offers Isle of Wight instead

Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has today reacted angrily to Foreign Secretary William Hague’s announcement that the UK intends to keep the Falklands but give Argentina the Isle...

ianslat 08.02.12 4:14pm
New academy to open to give professional footballers the essential 3 R's

Rape, Racism and Rogering your brother's wife / wife's sister More soon...

simonjmr 08.02.12 10:22am
Welsh government targets farting in cars

A campaign to stop people farting in cars when carrying children is being launched today. Wales’ chief medical officer explained that breathing in farts in enclosed spaces was particularly harmful...

Major Clanger 13.02.12 5:11pm
UK deport deficit renews concerns of boom and bust 0
cinquecento 08.02.12 9:55am
Whales "stressed" by slow rural broadband speeds

Whales and Dolphins are becoming increasingly stressed and agitated at the lack of availabilty of superfast broadband connections in their locales. Now, researchers have measured stress hormones in...

simonjmr 08.02.12 9:34am
Tabloids frustrated by "Bankers Bonus" being spoonerism-proof. Sore moon. 1
Al OPecia 08.02.12 9:51am
Government Poll shows most OAPs happy using freezer to heat home

A Government Spokesman said today:, "We are very happy about the recent poll results. It shows, as expected, that most of the elderly have taken to the idea of heating there homes by opening the...

RJWinter 08.02.12 8:33am
42 dead, 6 injured in clown car explosion

morning all!...

gaijintendo 08.02.12 4:25pm
UK Considers Argentinian Complaint to UN requires "Swift Military Response"

The UK government has said that Argentina flagrant and unjustified complaint to the UN about one or two British boats helping out our chums in the South Atlantic should rightly be considered an act...

thisisall1word 09.02.12 10:18am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Acquisition of nunnish underpinnings no longer apt as measure of masculine charm

[ according to a Vatican City source ] more Papal Bull soon...

FlashArry 07.02.12 11:56pm
Backpacker plans journey sitting at computer clicking websites of countries

Based on this website:

Dumbnews 07.02.12 9:05pm
Jesus Christ seen shopping in Morrisons

Jesus Christ has been spotted shopping in a branch of Morrisons by a sixty-year-old ex-nun. The report follows news that David Cameron recently dropped into a Morrisons branch on his way home from...

roybland 07.02.12 8:58pm
New stock tip suggests doing opposite to what everyone else does

and you will be right 50% of the time...

Dumbnews 07.02.12 8:24pm
Long lost Intelligent Arctic life asks "Is the Leveson Inquiry Still Going on?" 0
ronseal 07.02.12 8:02pm
Disgraced Banker says “Go Fuck Yourself” to The Queen

In a surprise move that has confounded his critics, ex-RBS chief Fred Goodwin has sent a series of unequivocal messages to the Queen in response to the inglorious removal of his knighthood. “LOL...

hokeycokey 07.02.12 7:32pm
Racist says he could move abroad for much better money 2
ronseal 08.02.12 5:08pm
Sky diver who jumped from space 'still up there'

A sky diver attempting to jump to Earth from space should have concentrated harder during Physics lessons, according to experts. Jim Howell thought a leap from space would be a natural progression...

08.02.12 5:29pm
Police 'should have helped Prescott set phone PIN' rules Prescott 0
07.02.12 6:15pm
Petrol station flowers a more acceptable Valentine gift than graveyard flowers

Valentine's Day flowers bought at the last minute from a petrol station forecourt are better received by a beloved than flowers stolen in a panic from a graveyard according to a survey by Bride...

roybland 13.02.12 12:23pm
Major Clanger
Isle of Wight announce celebration plans for Queen's Silver Jubilee 0
andhrimnir 07.02.12 5:15pm
Jury in Harry Redknapp Case Finds Him Not Guilty....

But gives a nine month suspended (by a lead) sentence to his dog, Rosie...

custard cream 07.02.12 5:03pm
custard cream
Jim Davidson supports Terry's decision not to quit England

Jim Davidson has today spoken out in support of John Terry's decision not to quit England. The Nick Nick "acceptable face of racism" comic is on record in 1997, "that he would quit England, if the...

simonjmr 07.02.12 4:44pm
Increase in CofE funeral charges blamed on cost of living 0
Sinnick 07.02.12 4:35pm
Man emerges from bunker to learn Cod War is over

After spending more than four decades underground, Harold Smith, 82, emerged from his bunker yesterday to learn the country was no longer at war. 'We all thought it was the end,' said Mr Smith, a...

hughesroland 07.02.12 4:35pm