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Bullingdon Club to disrupt London Marathon in protest at common people in sport

They plan to steal policemen's helmets, let off fire extinguishers and de-bag oiks. “Bonkers” Johnson will use his stockpile of traffic cones, collected over the last three years, to cause...

Ian Searle 21.04.12 11:08am
Ian Searle
Humiliated Prince admits hit single 1999 is now dated

Pop giant Prince, whose real name is Oblong Wallis, has revealed that even he laughs himself to tears over the fact that his massive hit 1999 is now referring to a date that has already happened. In...

yens123 21.04.12 10:18am
Bahrain GP bosses breathe sigh of relief as Trenton Oldfield scraps protest

Boat protester Trenton Oldfield admitted his hopes of disrupting the Bahrain Grand Prix are in tatters after failing to secure a reasonably priced airfare on Mr Oldfield said: “It...

Yikes 21.04.12 10:15am
A Lorry carrying Frozen Peas crashes on M1

Another driver following close behind claims to have had a Birds Eye view...

GillsImp 21.04.12 8:31am
Rhoda Borrocks
Bahrain Grand Prix looks like being Shiite 0
Yikes 21.04.12 6:19am
Popstar Kelis suffers milkshake slump

THE percentage of boys brought to the yard by American popstar Kelis' milkshake has fallen for a ninth straight year., According to today's Financial Times, just 37% of all boys were drawn to the...

clicktingstampz 21.04.12 1:04am
Ah stuff it, it wasn't that funny 2
Skylarking 20.04.12 11:12pm
Calls for Silverstone Grand Prix to be cancelled after recent UK riots. 0
MADJEZ 20.04.12 10:58pm
Warsaw exorcist accused of moving the Pole ghosts 2
nickb 20.04.12 9:45pm
Press frenzy as Pippa pistol-whips reporter with butt. 0
pinxit 20.04.12 9:44pm
Governmet orders urgent recall of all Ralph Fienne autographs

The Government was on high alert yesterday after news broke that not all Ralph Fienne autographs may be authentic. The tip off came when actor Liam Neeson admitted people often mistake him for fellow...

bananaman 20.04.12 9:30pm
100% of 15 Year Old Boys Have Had Sex

A new government report to be published this afternoon has revealed that every 15 year old boy has had sex. The leader of the report, Lord Hanson said, ‘Most have had intercourse numerous times and...

Hooch 20.04.12 9:22pm
BA: Bird strike forces Dagenham Ford factory to close. 0
woodymellor 20.04.12 9:11pm
George Osborne refuses to Gift Aid £10bn loan to the IMF 0
Mandy Lifeboat 20.04.12 7:27pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Ambassador wives plea to Asma Assad: 'Stop outbidding us on ebay for Prada bags' 2
Skylarking 20.04.12 6:57pm
Family season ticket threat leads Norwich City FC to apologise to teenager

Norwich City FC withdrew their complaint against a teenager accused of hacking their website after his family threatened not to renew their season tickets., After checking the address on their fan...

Not Amused 20.04.12 6:41pm
Man Studying For a Masters Degree in Lancashire Finally Gets Aclaim

At the award the award ceremony he commented "I'm Morecambe and Wise"...

GillsImp 20.04.12 6:02pm
Ched Evans finally gets the gaol he was due 0
charlies_hat 20.04.12 5:51pm
Modest Abu Hamza insists: “Learning to play jazz sax required a lot of practice" Sensational hook-handed saxophonist, Abu Hamza al-Masri gave his UK farewell performance last night, rounding off his sell-out...

JJH88 20.04.12 4:47pm
Darth Vader admits bring your son to work day a "failure"

High ranking imperial official, Mr D. Vader has conceded that the recent bring your son to work day had unexpected side effects. "If I'd known he was going to attempt to kill my boss, I'd have...

apepper 20.04.12 4:20pm
Ecclestone: Kabul violence nothing to do with F1 0
Old Hat 20.04.12 4:19pm
Old Hat
Qatada to release range of his and hers fragrances

The Home Secretary’s reputation took another battering today as it emerged fundamentalist bile-preacher Abu Qatada is to release a range of his and hers fragrances to the British market, developed...

BAJDixon 20.04.12 4:16pm
May/Steve Miller release: 'Abu-Abu-Qatada, I want reach out and grab ya'

(To a tune not unlike Steve Miller's Abra-Abra-Cadabra) I mess up, I can't get it right, I find myself with quite a plight, This extradition is quite unreal, You've just made another appeal...

weematt 20.04.12 4:06pm
Scientists create artificial DNA; "royalty payments due from all living things"

The scientists that have created artificial DNA have claimed that royalty payments will be due from "any person, animal or plant making use of DNA for evolutionary purposes."...

apepper 20.04.12 3:55pm
Bahrain Grand Prix to go ahead, bar rain. 0
Haywood Manley 20.04.12 3:48pm
Haywood Manley
Iran getting picked-on in nuclear arms race

Iran’s mum has today issued a formal complaint to headmaster, Ban Ki-moon, over allegations that her son is being continually picked-on in nuclear arms races. Nuclear arms racing has been a...

Old Hat 20.04.12 3:44pm
Old Hat
Defendant sworn in on 'Politics for Dummies' in Aberdeen council case 2
cinquecento 20.04.12 2:09pm
Abu Hamza & Abu Qatada to star in Al Jazeera's Two Ronnie’s Tribute Night

A top executive at Al Jazzera has announced a tribute night is to take place in their new summer season to former Saturday night TV favourites the Two Ronnie’s, the shows include a sketch show...

Scronnyglonkle 20.04.12 1:43pm
X-Files to sponser new margarine called "I Want To Believe It's Not Butter"

Reaches for coat to exit in a hurry!...

seymour totti 20.04.12 1:35pm
Police hope new technology will improve dangerous driving conviction rate.

The Nearshire Constabulary have found that video evidence has not improved their conviction rates, but actually hampered it. But road squad hope that a new addition to their cars will help convict...

gaijintendo 20.04.12 1:13pm