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Illegal immigrant deportation 'postphoned' until "he's used up his minutes" 2
kga6 3 years

Today, Theresa May confirmed that an illegal immigrant would "be having his human rights abused" if he were to be deported before he'd had chance to "use up his minutes". The Asian man, who due to...

Daily Mail stories "arrive faster than the truth". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years

Thanks for the inspiration thisisall1word...

‘Thames Water is green’ claim utility bosses 1
Midfield Diamond 3 years

After an Environment Agency report branded Thames Water the UK’s biggest polluter, the firm has been quick to defend its progress on environmental issues. Claiming that just a few minor incidents...

Opportunity Knox 0
medici2471 3 years

Shocked residents of Perugia took to the streets outside the court house last night to celebrate the appeal court judges' verdict that there had been no murder. Speaking in broken English and out...

UK economic troubles to be eased with 'Every Fallen Leaf Worth a Fiver' day 2
dicky37 3 years

In a dramatic 24-hour initiative designed to help the public quickly generate cash within a beleaguered economy, UK banks will for tomorrow exchange fallen leaves for crisp five-pound notes., The...

Rabbits caught in headlights set to receive 'on the spot' fine 0
kga6 3 years
Italian Prosecution Service to Hire Jeremy Kyle. 11
delightfullyodd 3 years

Following the successful appeal of Amanda Knox and the other guy, Italian Courts have offered ITV1's bear bater Jeremy Kyle a lucrative deal to be the head of their prosecution service. Speaking...

UK Passports to Include New "Yes Please! LOL!" Sex Status for Fucking Dullards 4
thisisall1word 3 years
Panpipe the cat allowed to stay in UK - owns pet Peruvian man 0
Drylaw 3 years
Classic british pastime of queueing to get massive overhaul 19
Screenie 3 years

Within the next few days the government will announce measures to increase the productivity of the UK's workforce with a radical new approach to queueing. Walk in queueing centres, open 24 hours,...

Theresa May promises installation of a moral compass in every high street 0
simonjmr 3 years
Panic Buttons to be installed with Panic buttons 0
simonjmr 3 years

"In case of emergency and you need help with activating the panic button - please press the PANIC panic button". More soon...

Amanda Knox issues press statement denying ever being near an Italian prison 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Accidental overdose of Diocalm halts recording of TV series 'Loose Women' 0
pinxit 3 years
New craze of ‘Working’ sweeping the internet 2
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

Stand aside ‘Planking’, move over ‘Batmanning’, there’s a new game in town. ‘Working’ is the new craze which has Facebook users flocking to upload photos of themselves engaged in the...

New deck chair arrangement a great success say Titanic Middle Management 1
Ian Searle 3 years

Having originally brain-stormed the reorganisation at an 'away day' in February, the initial feedback indicators are very good. There has been a huge buy-in from all staff, and engagement levels are...

Tesco to sell dehydrated ice 0
Gary Baldy 3 years

Marketing Director John Frampton explained that Tesco have been selling convenience foods such as instant mashed potatoes and frozen omelettes for years. Indeed, they have been printing obvious...

Film star regrets red carpet treatment after being rolled on the floor 0
Ian Searle 3 years

sprinkled with Shake'n Vac and having the Dyson run over them...

English Brewers League lose legal fight against pub that sells foreign beers 0
bonjonelson 3 years
Knox, Knox, who's there? 0
RJWinter 3 years

Pizzaman!!!!!...

Man not yet concieved recieves Nobel Prize for work on time travel 3
RJWinter 3 years
EDU defends England 'quiet night in' 1
simonjmr 3 years

The England Drinkers (EDU) bosses have backed captain Mike Tavistock and his team-mates following tabloid allegations about a quiet night in, whilst they are in New Zealand for the Drinkers World Cup...

OJ Simpson to ghost-write Amanda Knox Book. 1
miked10270 3 years

Will also have cameo in forthcoming film...

Chas n Dave deny cashing in on tragedy with release of "Mertcha!" 1
nickb 3 years
Cut school leaving until the age of 14, suggests former inspector of schools 13
Screenie 3 years

The former Chief inspector of schools, Chris Woodhead, has put himself firmly back in the spotlight today by suggesting that children should be kept at school, 24/7, until the age of 14. ‘Kids...

Old time entertainers suffer from "pre-minstrel tension" 1
nickb 3 years

Maureen and Dave Jones from Worcester are worried. The couple, now in their seventies, were to perform "Mamie" in the style of Al Jolson including full black-face make up, for their local amateur...

Autumn Aspects 1
Drylaw 3 years

Well it's that time of the year when the trees change their hue and the leaves start to fall hence the expression "Fall" so often used by our American cousins. An increasing feature in recent...

Keith Richards releases 'Gimme Sheltered Accommodation' 0
nickb 3 years
Free pint with cheap Greek football at your local now. 0
Ostsee 3 years
iPhone4 users to become obsolete by midnight. 2
Ostsee 3 years