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Andrew "Pontius Pilate" Lansley washes NHS-cut blood off hands- and blames GPs

Mr Lansley was late to the interview, after a failed attempt to cut petrol costs by making his driver push the car, and steer it, at the same time. He was also taken aback by the coffee served by the...

0
wolfie 12.02.12 11:00am
wolfie
Clintons Cards accused of sending out "mixed messages".

Bereavement. Secret sexual attraction. Holy Communnion thoughts. Incontinence. Childbirth. Flirtation. Anticipation of nerve-wracking events. Alcohol abuse. Gay Barmitzvah feelings. Wedding...

7
nickb 13.02.12 4:13pm
Qoxiivi
Pop world in shock as Whitney Houston goes out on a low note 1
charlies_hat 12.02.12 8:41pm
button
Shade of Florence Nightingale haunting Andrew Lansley

The ghost of Florence Nightingale is visiting beleaguered Health Secretary Andrew Lansley according to leaks from inside Downing Street. 'Miss Nightingale has been appearing to Andrew in the dead of...

2
roybland 12.02.12 11:39am
wolfie
Whitney Houston joins the Forever 48 Club. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.02.12 10:03am
dominic_mcg
911 call tape released, 'Houston, we have a problem' 3
Immunis 13.02.12 12:37pm
Major Clanger
David Cameron says he's 'devastated for loss' speaking as MP for Whitney 0
Perks 12.02.12 9:19am
Perks
Daleks blame failure of invasion on "lack of wheelchair ramps" 2
Nick McCarr 12.02.12 3:05pm
MADJEZ
. 0
dvo4fun 12.02.12 8:42am
dvo4fun
Mob of peados lynch banker for 'perverse and unnatural behaviour' 0
Immunis 12.02.12 1:20am
Immunis
Quadriplegic’s to be put to work

New plans to cut down benefits costs include putting Quadriplegic’s to work, it emerged last night. It is also expected that many will lose the social workers who care for them. A Government...

2
Hooch 12.02.12 9:57am
wolfie
Infant shows Levinson Enquiry vandalised ceiling ornament

“my mobile’s been hacked”...

2
John Ffitch-Rucker 13.02.12 12:37pm
kimllfixit
Nazareth couple tell Levinson enquiry 'Bible scribes hacked their mobiles'. 0
MADJEZ 11.02.12 9:36pm
MADJEZ
Bose launch baby-crying cancelling headphones 2
Dumbnews 11.02.12 10:39pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Popularity of Flat screens linked to decline of sex on TV. 2
Zen 13.02.12 10:31am
dvo4fun
Women who wear glasses outnumber men with shaven heads

Women in England who wear glasses outstrip men with shaven heads for the first time since records began according to a report from Social Trends. The report says that the huge increase in the last...

6
roybland 12.02.12 5:12pm
JonnyJP
Hungry Christians welcome the Little Mac “Communionburger™”

Churchgoers suffering from prematurely rumbling Sunday tum have a treat in store. It’s circular and a little over an inch and a quarter in diameter. Other than that, it’s got exactly the same...

5
nickb 13.02.12 1:45pm
charlies_hat
Sun workers clear desks after Murdoch pledges full support

Workers at the Sun have started looking for new jobs after Rupert Murdoch pledged his full support for the newspaper...

1
apepper 12.02.12 12:23am
Quaz
The NewsBicuit Crossword 1
Smart Alex 11.02.12 6:07pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
British Museum offer bailiff services in case of Greek default

The British Museum Plc, the world reknowned debt collection agency, has entered into the first round of tendering for the prized contract of repossessing Greece's assets if they fall behind in their...

4
quango 13.02.12 12:51pm
Major Clanger
Now praying in cars may be outlawed

Saying prayers in a motor vehicle could soon be illegal if the National Secular Society (NSS) gets its way. Flush from its successful court case to ban prayers at council meetings, the society now...

0
roybland 11.02.12 4:11pm
roybland
Government attacks ban on prayers; "praying is official treasury policy"

The government launched an attack on the ban of praying for councillors, "praying is pretty much our only official policy now, that and buying lottery tickets."...

0
apepper 11.02.12 3:24pm
apepper
Coach party surprise head-count results after touristvisit to the Fukushima nucl 1
Smart Alex 11.02.12 5:25pm
dvo4fun
6music celebrates 10th year by handing original listeners over to Radio 2

As 6music celebrated its tenth year of appealing to 31-33 year-olds who pretend to enjoy obscure music released between 1993 and 1995, listeners over the age of 40 are being forceably bundled into...

11
14.02.12 1:52pm
Perks
Cameron's Old Nurse 'Goes All Bolshie'.........

"David, go and wash that silly makeup off your face, this minute! You stupid boy!"...

0
Jesse Bigg 11.02.12 11:55am
Jesse Bigg
City news: Exocet shares tipped, ahead of "Falklands 30th" 2
dvo4fun 11.02.12 2:06pm
godly1966
Cameron Vows "If French Attack The Argies First....."

."We'll be right behind them as usual."...

1
Jesse Bigg 14.02.12 1:55pm
Perks
Greeks to Tax Strikes

German pressure has caused Greece to rethink methods of raising tax revenue in light of the 130bn Euro bailout being offered by the IMF. Prime Minister, Lucas Papademos, has today announced that...

0
ozythelabrador 11.02.12 10:48am
ozythelabrador
Lions prefer ‘seasoned travellers’, study shows.

Salt, a pinch of pepper and a little nutmeg...

2
John Ffitch-Rucker 11.02.12 9:43am
button
Argentina complains about unclear sub

Do I get the prize for most obscure pun of the day ?...

3
Sinnick 11.02.12 11:04am
beau-jolly