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Apple Confirm “Siri” Will Be Voiced By Steve Jobs From The Afterlife

The technology world was rocked today when Apple announced that it had secured Steve Jobs to provide “Siri” answers from beyond the grave. In an unprecedented move the Cupertino giant said,...

SimonJJames 24.09.13 4:44pm
custard cream
Miliband pledges to arrest fat cats

Ed Miliband today promised to pass emergency legislation that would place fat cats under house arrest. In his keynote speech to conference, the firebrand labour leader spoke movingly of the wasted...

Lenny Bee 24.09.13 4:42pm
Lenny Bee
Lidl Littlehampton to close after pronunciation difficulties

The Littlehampton branch of Lidl is to follow the fate of the supermarket chain's first New York City based store. Lidl spokesman Mike Smythe told The Grocer magazine: "Lidl Little Italy was a...

nickb 24.09.13 4:32pm
Midfield Diamond
Porn block "will end random access mammaries" 0
sydalg 24.09.13 3:58pm
Women dismiss premature ejaculator as "Mr Spray-and-dangle" 0
sydalg 24.09.13 3:56pm
Sunderland players now unlikely to train on time 3
Ironduke 24.09.13 3:52pm
Miliband wavelengths of light render policies invisible. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 24.09.13 3:13pm
Al OPecia
Students dropping out of uni on finding iPads full of 'academic shit'

Thousands of undergraduates are dropping out of university on discovering their iPads are full of academic texts. 'I thought it was cool when I got an iPad to use at uni,' said Brad Baker, who is...

roybland 24.09.13 3:12pm
Toddlers ‘excited’ by post-watershed content

The BBC Trust has said that CBBC and Cbeebies should extend their programming beyond 19:00, to target the nocturnal needs of a younger generation craving late night depictions of ’graphic...

Wrenfoe 24.09.13 3:11pm
Boots Pharmacy launch tablet 20
Loundshay 24.09.13 2:56pm
Sunderland Final Straw Revealed: Di Canio's New Kit Designed by Hugo Boss

It was revealed today the final straw that caused Sunderland players to demand the sacking of Paulo Di Canio. Apparently at his final team meeting he unveiled a, admittedly very stylish, new kit...

SimonJJames 24.09.13 2:48pm
Ronnie Wood found in Irish peat bog

but doubts are raised as carbon-dating identifies the remains as being a mere 4,000 years old...

Landfill 24.09.13 1:21pm
British Adventurer argues with herself all the way from Japan to Alaska

Oh wait sorry, Adventurer "Rows Solo" from Japan to Alaska...

Flugelbinder 24.09.13 12:21pm
New aerosol USB device gets limp response 0
J Vine 24.09.13 11:54am
J Vine
Ronaldo buys Madrid and puts entire squad on transfer list

Cristiano Ronaldo today shocked the world of football by buying Real Madrid and then putting the entire squad on the transfer list. [quote]There is only enough room for one ego in this dressing...

julio bango 24.09.13 11:13am
julio bango
Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen masterminds ‘Changing Newham Council Rooms’

One of the poorest London Boroughs today announced its delight at the prospect of being able to work with Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen on an updated series of the old BBC television series ‘Changing...

fernandomando 24.09.13 11:10am
British Adventurer sells Rolos from Japan to Alaska

Oh wait sorry, Adventurer Rows Solo from Japan to Alaska...

Flugelbinder 24.09.13 10:51am
Apple fans welcome the Tesco Hudl as another tablet to sneer at 4
roybland 24.09.13 10:34am
Fracking protesters in Minecraft boycott 0
roybland 24.09.13 8:59am
Milliband Promises To Take Up Alchemy If Elected

On the back of several 'If we are elected' promises, Ed Milliband has promised to resume his alchemy studies in the hopes that he will be able to produce the funds required to deliver on said...

Flugelbinder 24.09.13 8:58am
God left the ‘Player vs Player’ setting on

While software developers have used the Ordnance Survey map to prove conclusively that the Divine Being based our world on a Minecraft sever, the occupants of ‘Earth 2.0’ have become increasingly...

Wrenfoe 24.09.13 8:43am
Balls reduces EU cow size to ease cost of living crisis, Labour has promised the creation of 20 million or more tiny edible cows to provide affordable food for the less well off. Showing...

nickb 24.09.13 8:15am
Physicists regret that Angular Momentum didn't win German vote

So close, yet so far...

apepper 24.09.13 7:52am
Angela Merkat doll set to be surprise Christmas present must have

Aleksandr furious...

Coco 24.09.13 6:48am
Missing teen found safe and well in a world of her own

A nationwide search for missing teen Mandy Lusted (14) has been called off after she was found safe and well in a world of her own. The schoolgirl was last seen on Friday evening going up to her...

roybland 24.09.13 6:44am
Innovative vicar launches bungy-jumping service: "Let us pray, and dangle" 0
DorsetBoy 24.09.13 6:25am
Milly rules for national workforce

the potential positions are endless :-) will kerb imigration by forcing British football clubs to employ more british players. (a leo ferdinand...

4ty2 24.09.13 5:16am
Employers to hire 1 clueless person for each skilled empoyee

in order to boost the economy by reduceing average labour costs of the work force...

4ty2 24.09.13 4:08am
Dwarf turns out to just be far away 1
TobiasBV 24.09.13 12:51am
Roberto Di Matteo favourite to be next Sunderland manager to be fired 0
custard cream 23.09.13 9:26pm
custard cream