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Office Secret Santa ‘an absolute nightmare’, say GCHQ staff

Staff at the British intelligence agency, GCHQ, are ‘dreading’ the return of the office secret santa this year, claiming that the modern festive tradition has become ‘unbearable’, due to...

Jesus H 29.11.13 5:03pm
Jesus H
Baking the Books for Christmas

In an effort to breathe new life into the book world this Christmas, some publishers have noted the continuing popularity of cookery and baking, and taken the bold step of persuading some of their...

Iggy Pop-Barker 29.11.13 4:53pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Cameron outlines plans to cut Scottish immigrants’ benefits

David Cameron has given details today of proposals to restrict the amount of benefits that Scottish immigrants to the UK can claim should Scotland vote for independence next year. Under the plans...

ianslat 29.11.13 4:27pm
Lose a leg for us this Dismember, urges charity

A local charity is raising awareness of its cause by calling the twelfth month of the year "Dismember" and urging the public to "chop one off for us", it was confirmed yesterday. 'It doesn't have to...

SuburbanDad 29.11.13 4:01pm
First TripAdvisor-style testimonial appears on new NHS website...

Joe Tanner, a mobile operative with npower, is one of the first in-patients to leave feedback about his hospital stay on the new NHS website. “I was looked after very well. After being left on a...

Tripod 29.11.13 3:59pm
Nigella upset that her PAs may have been taking money from the ''joint' account 0
Smart Alex 29.11.13 3:54pm
Smart Alex
Zitcoin fortune left on bus

Brad Zed, a hipster techie in London's Silicon Roundabout, is in shock today after realising he left a memory stick on a bus in Old Street. On that stick was a virtual wallet, containing 1000...

Beer Sampler 29.11.13 2:59pm
Beer Sampler
Silver shortage hits government werewolf cull

More to follow...

apepper 29.11.13 1:27pm
Badger cull ends early after badgers declared extinct

New data suggests that, since the badger is now extinct, it is unlikely that the target number of badger deaths will be met in the remaining 3 weeks of the cull window. Government spokesman Sir Hugh...

NewBiscuit 29.11.13 1:11pm
Charity set up for troubled comet

An on-line charity has been set up aimed at getting food and medical supplies out to the troubled Comet Ison, Remnants of the comet, which was declared dead after flying too close to the sun are now...

Uncle Bertie 29.11.13 1:07pm
Uncle Bertie
Ed Miliband Chooses Robbie Williams Singing "Engels" As A Desert Island Disc

(I fear this gag has been made before, in which case I apologise.) Perhaps he might have chosen "He ain't heavy, he's my brother" or something by Wet Wet Wet. I am sure other biscuiteeers will be...

Titus 29.11.13 12:59pm
James Pluside
Johnson's Identical Council Estate Twin "A bit of a divvy"

London Mayor Boris Johnson's remarks on the inherent intellectual superiority of 2% of the population have been thrown into perspective by the discovery of his long-lost twin on a Chingford Council...

blokefromstoke 29.11.13 12:39pm
Global crop failures ‘a growing problem’ says expert 0
farmer giles 29.11.13 10:13am
farmer giles
Fresh blow for Nigella 5
custard cream 29.11.13 10:02am
Cameron sex tape sparks revolution in international politics

Following David Cameron’s suggestion to the public that they should “have a conversation” about porn with his wife, a new era has emerged in world politics., The webcam service that was set up...

Jugglia 29.11.13 9:28am
Where to find on-line reviews of hallucinagenic drugs - Tripadvisor

Cap doff to Titus...

Smart Alex 29.11.13 9:14am
Council bans minorities from saying they're not offended by Christmas

Suburbiton Council has called for more government funding and uniformed manpower as it extends its war on seasonal festivities. "Banning Xmas was just the start," said Dave Trotter, Global Diversity...

ronseal 29.11.13 9:01am
Nigella hoping for snow this Christmas 0
Smart Alex 29.11.13 8:26am
Smart Alex
Cigarette makers to sell brand stickers for plain packaging 0
medici2471 29.11.13 7:54am
Wandsworth Comes Top In Nickadvisor

Although Worwood Scrubs came top for catering and Parkhurst for its breathtaking views, Wandsworth prison gained the highest score overall. ***** from guest no. 4567856434 (travelling alone), "The...

Titus 29.11.13 7:41am
Taiwan catapults man through disputed zone in East China Sea

Taiwan has used a catapult to throw a man through disputed airspace over the East China Sea, increasing tensions in the region. Earlier this week China declared a new air defence zone over the...

Ralph Warner 29.11.13 2:31am
Ralph Warner
FOUND: Perfect samples of fossilised excrement

Cameron criticised for not burying speeches deep enough...

KateWritesStuff 28.11.13 10:30pm
Mortgage lending scheme scaled back now that MPs all have new houses. 0
deskpilot3 28.11.13 10:25pm
New Notional Gallery to house conceptual art

A new national Notional Gallery devoted to conceptual art is to open in a yet-to-be-decided venue by a person who might or might ot not exist. The Notional Gallery will house a diversity of...

nickb 28.11.13 8:26pm
Artist's silent odourless trump was 'conceptual fart' 0
pere floza 28.11.13 8:04pm
pere floza
Justin Bieber may be the ‘missing link’

The recent unearthing of an indigenous daubing outside a hotel in Queensland, has caused anthropologists to hypothesize that the pint-sized ‘musician’ is a long lost part of our evolutionary...

Wrenfoe 28.11.13 6:51pm
Paddy Berzinski
Nigella Express re-published as Cooking with Speed 0
Ref Minor 28.11.13 6:40pm
Ref Minor
Posh Plod Posted to Downing Street

In order to minimise the possibility of any future communication issues or unfortunate misunderstandings between government ministers or other riffraff shuffling in and out of No. 10 and the local ...

Titus 28.11.13 6:35pm
Npower sack 1600 after record price rises. Satire also made redundant.

Work done by sacked workers (including 560 from Stoke) to be outsourced to TATA consultancies*. Blokefromstoke announces retirement from humour as Npower chairman Paul Massara is clearly a comic...

blokefromstoke 28.11.13 5:09pm
New Nigella DVD relased - Baking Bad 0
custard cream 28.11.13 4:16pm
custard cream