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Anfield cat on short list for new England Manager

Kenny, the homeless cat is available as he is currently 'between engagements' and already has an off shore bank account in his name...

Ian Searle 10.02.12 10:44am
Ian Searle
"Snow White and seven dwarves" deeply offensive, complains Diane Abbott

Labour MP Dianne Abbott has once again spoken out fearlessly in support of abused minorities, sparking a new row in theatreland. "It have come to my attention," said Ms Abbott yesterday "that there...

Son of Barnabas 10.02.12 10:37am
Son of Barnabas
Overweight Irish presenter to present SKY 1 Syria Special 'Aim On Homs' 0
charlies_hat 10.02.12 10:15am
David Cameron announces special 30th anniversary Falklands Conflict on 2nd April 0
Iamthestig 10.02.12 10:05am
Crack found in A380's wings is the worlds largest drug bust, claim the CAA 1
Iamthestig 10.02.12 12:41pm
Lottery winner "Looking forward to having a shave"

And employing a stylist and life coach...

Scroat 10.02.12 9:54am
UN admits they 'don't have enough troops' to surround Eamonn Homs 1
Perks 10.02.12 9:51am
Gourd Almighty
Diane Abbott protests that all-white snow misrepresents meteorological diversity 0
cinquecento 10.02.12 9:09am
U.S. President accuses Syria of 'outrageous bloodshed'

-now that’s satire...

John Ffitch-Rucker 10.02.12 9:01am
John Ffitch-Rucker
BBC apologise after listings typo offers a new series of "Homs Under The Hammer"

More soon. Although there may be more than one joke possible here...

MikeA4 10.02.12 11:37am
Son of Barnabas
Tanned tabloid journalist accused of lying in The Sun

Surely must have done before but an admittedly very quick Internet search seems to say not...

Smart Alex 13.02.12 12:36pm
Major Clanger
Obama condemns Livingstone's onslaught on Homs 0
cinquecento 10.02.12 8:26am
Tension at School of Astrology as students await predicted results....

More soon!...

grumblechops 10.02.12 8:21am
Government tells elderly to go back to work and downsize their homes

'Fuck off' replies Prince Philip...

Ironduke 10.02.12 12:51am
Redknapp wants England Job for Euros...

Yen, Dollars or Bhat; used notes preferred guvnor...

Ironduke 10.02.12 7:57am
Cameron to send dodgy foreigner back to Jordan: Peter Andre "..not so keen."

I'm so, so sorry...

dvo4fun 10.02.12 4:20pm
Royal nutter's diary discovered after 200 years ?

Royal Archivist Sir Richard Possett has reported an unusual discovery in the stack of the Palace Archive to the Guild of Fusted & Dusty Librarians in London yesterday. "I was cataloguing the...

FlashArry 09.02.12 10:45pm
Diet craze encouraging people to 'exercise & eat less shit' sweeps UK

A new diet fad encouraging people to raise their heart rates slightly above average and to eat vaguely healthy meals is sweeping the nation. The radical new plan urges people to not finish their day...

Shandy 10.02.12 12:21am
Wristwatch accuses '10 O' Clock Show' of plagiarism 0
09.02.12 9:25pm
‘Hooters’ restaurant to close.

“There’s no market for owl-based comestibles’, said manager...

John Ffitch-Rucker 09.02.12 5:32pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
FA launch 'England’s Got Unrealistic Expectations' TV show to find new manager

The Football Association, in conjunction with Simon Cowell, have announced that the next England manager will be decided by a public vote over the course of 12 weeks in a new TV talent show....

Qoxiivi 09.02.12 2:39pm
Catholic Church Overhauls Rite of Ordination with multiple choice exam

In an unforeseen move the Catholic Church has today announced plans to streamline the ordination process. In what many see as an effort to increase numbers in the priesthood after a steady decline...

button 10.02.12 4:34pm
Government extend flood defences for 45,000 registered voters

more later...

virtuallywill 09.02.12 1:55pm
Prince Harry defeats Taliban, shags Pippa and is home before breakfast 8
cinquecento 10.02.12 1:38pm
England Euro 2012 single to be sung acapello

"sung" in the loosest of terms...

virtuallywill 09.02.12 1:51pm
New Banksy artwork found painted onto David Beckham's arse

Art experts are said to be ‘hugely excited’ after new adverts for clothing chain H&M revealed a new work by the reclusive artist Banksy, sprayed onto David Beckham’s arse. The adverts,...

The Paper Ostrich 10.02.12 11:48am
Fantasy Football managers to get opportunity to manage England

The Football Association have announced that after the resignation yesterday of Fabio Capello, that the new England manager will be selected from a shortlist of the top 100 Fantasy Football Managers...

simonjmr 09.02.12 10:58pm
All Other News To Stop While FA Search For England Manager

Following the resignation of Fabio Capello all other news will take a hiatus according to experts. The wars in the middle east will take a break, President Obama has canceled all public appearances...

Hooch 09.02.12 12:52pm
Labour Party chiefs enlist FA to engineer Miliband’s resignation 0
Midfield Diamond 09.02.12 12:33pm
Midfield Diamond
Liverpool dad threatens son with, "Do you want some smack? Erm I mean 'a smack'" 0
Smart Alex 09.02.12 11:46am
Smart Alex