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Clarkson, Murdoch and Morgan top New Year Honour Killing List 5
Ironduke 3 years
Andrew Sachs left gloating message on my answering machine, sobs Russell Brand 7
ronseal 3 years
Sachs sings "I kissed a Boy and didn't like it" on Brand's ansaphone. More soon 0
Al OPecia 3 years
TOWIE and Made in Chelsea to be Hadron collided to create Ultra-reality 0
SimonJJames 3 years

or just for a laugh says bored Scientist...

Santa criticised for putting post-xmas list of naughty girls on eBay 0
nickb 3 years
Jonathan Ive to be made iKnight in The Queen's New Year Honours 0
irregular apple 3 years

Apple 'design guru' Jonathan Ive is to be knighted by The Queen this month in a live webcast to be be streamed around the globe. Sir Jonathan, or just iKnight as he prefers to now be addressed, is...

Osborne plots monarchy privatisation as Jubilee costs threaten economic recovery 0
irregular apple 3 years
US to use "Stealth Hangovers" on Taliban 1
Quaz 3 years

The Pentagon has admitted that it has begun usung "Stealth Hangovers" in their war against the Taliban in the Afghan border region. "Over the last few years we have been researching those kinds of...

Old Macdonald still undecided about wind noise 1
nickb 3 years

"With a whoosh-whoosh here, a whoosh-whoosh there.oh dear, it's not right, is it?" In a rare interview the man responsible for the public face of UK agriculture (with special responsibilities to...

Scottish culinary experts still hope to develope deep fried heroin 0
ronseal 3 years
Panda battered in Scotland 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 3 years

Police have revealed that a panda has been taken into custody in Edinburgh charged with domestic abuse. Police have released the following statement: "Officers were called to Edinburgh Zoo not long...

Rebekah Brooks hot tip for Queen's Award to Infamy. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 3 years
New Year's Honours latest; James Murdoch becomes "Lord Voldemort" 3
apepper 3 years

In a surprise New Year's honours list, James Murdoch has received a peerage to become Lord Voldemort...

Russell Brand follows up My Booky Wooky with My Divorcey Worcey 1
victimms 3 years

More to follow...

CERN launches new TV channel "Faster than light - 1" 0
antharrison 3 years

More before...

Excitement as IOC announces online bingo will be included in the 2012 Olympics. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Sam Ollerenshaw, 94 of Barnsley, applauded by onlookers on way to outside privy. 1
Al OPecia 3 years
Intelligence service fears that Round Robin writers may develop Twitter capacity 5
ronseal 3 years

Christmas Round Robin writers may have learned mass demoralisation techniques that can be deployed any time of the year, security chiefs have warned. Reports are emerging of a new generation of...

Paul McCartney Confesses to Bloodlust Orgies. 0
arthurminnit 3 years

In a shock interview with the One Show, former veggie and tripod lover, Sir Paul (97), admitted to crazed and depraved afternoon orgies of eating meat flavoured crisps., "Smoky bacon, beef and onion...

Thousands of revellers took the the streets for New Year, reveals news story 0
ronseal 3 years

It was the event that nobody could have predicted. Thousands of people in Britain took to the streets to celebrate New Year, according to the BBC, which led with this story on its main news channel....

Jeremy Clarkson fires his gynaecologist 0
nickb 3 years
Parents given blades in an attempt to 'slash' knife crime 2
Perks 3 years

Metropolitan Police have today confirmed they are going to look at arming parents with blades in a last gasp effort to cut knife crime. The pilot scheme will be using the well known principle of...

Jesus Excited About New Solo Project After Splitting From Christianity 2
SimonJJames 3 years

After his recent split from Christianity Jesus gave his first press conference today confirming that he is going solo. Sat with PR representative Max Clifford, Jesus sported a new style of shorter...

Cameron Makes It To The Shortlist ....... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

Of the "Fannying Around" Award., "What's a Cabinet for?"...

Team GB hopeful for 2012 Paralytic Games 9
antharrison 3 years

UK Spirits has welcomed the announcement of the 2012 Paraylitic Games squad in advance of the gigantic drinking contest which will take place in London in 2012. Fans of the 400 mls are said to be...

"Mr Parrot Face Davis" Makes A Comeback As UK Economic Icon....... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

.."I'm sick, sick, sick up to here!"...

NHS To Charge A Fee For Injured Drunks - From Tonight.... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

."The Pound Stretcher.", However, 'Out of Pocket' incapables will still have to crawl home. "Mind my hands will you!"...

Ronnie Corbett makes New Years Honours shortlist 1
Perks 3 years
Millions baffled by New Year debt mountain mystery 1
roybland 3 years

Millions of Britons are grappling with the mysterious appearance of New Year debt mountains following the festive season.,  , 'I just don't get it,' said Percy Grimshaw (new 42inch LCD flat screen...

Twitter To Temporarily Close Down....... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

..Due to birdseed shortfall...