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Match fixing scandal at London inter-bank 5 a side football tournament 0
charlies_hat 02.07.12 1:54pm
No Cock Shock on Embarrassing Bodies

The switchboard at Channel 4 rang red hot last night after hoards of viewers phoned to complain about the distinct lack of tenuous Penis and vaginal related illnesses on the latest episode of...

Njinski 02.07.12 1:48pm
John Terry changes into his kit ready to lift the cup for spain 3
Perks 02.07.12 1:37pm
Olympic flame action replay due to start in 19 days

The BBC is launching a dedicated channel for the slow motion action replay of the Olympic flame journey from Cornwall to London "the long way". The new channel, BBC Paintdry HD, will start...

apepper 02.07.12 1:32pm
Usain Bolt tests positive to a Morris Oxford

In the biggest scandal in Olympics history, world’s fastest man, Usain Bolt, was found to have significant amounts of chromium in his blood after having ingested an entire Morris Oxford, Series Six...

Yikes 02.07.12 1:24pm
M.I.5 To Begin Monitoring Wasps

Embarrassed security chiefs were caught napping on the job when it was revealed Britons are more at risk from wasp attacks than from Al Qaeda terrorists. ‘Fuck me’ said M15 Boss Jonathan Evans....

daneade 02.07.12 12:49pm
Katie Holmes misspelt statement: "Cult won't get my Suri"

Educational experts have attacked Katie Holmes for an obvious misspelling in her statement of "That cult won't get my Suri"...

apepper 02.07.12 11:01am
Spain puts Euro 2012 trophy on E-Bay 2
seymour totti 02.07.12 10:53am
EU Directive calls for Holdall renaming

The common or garden Holdall has today come under pressure to be renamed after the EU Directive for clearer naming of goods came into force. The term "Holdall" under the new guideslines is deemed to...

simonjmr 02.07.12 10:45am
Royal Mail attributes 400% profit increase to rise of hate mail

The debate over gay marriage has proved to be a godsend for Royal Mail as surging hate mail pushed their 2012 profit from GBP 39m to GBP 211m. Royal Mail CEO Moya Greene said the stellar result...

Yikes 02.07.12 10:44am
Waterstones creates "Sloppy fan fiction" section after success of 50 shades 0
simonjmr 02.07.12 9:22am
Athletes to strike for extra pay during Olympics 2
jp1885 02.07.12 9:00am
2.6m unemployed accused by Daily Mail of massive scale tax avoidance 0
charlies_hat 02.07.12 8:43am
Film breaks out on set of new Jackie Chan movie 8
simonhansen 02.07.12 8:37am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Khan Noonien Singh brands Klingons 'creepy and evil' 0
Ian Searle 02.07.12 8:12am
Ian Searle
Cash strapped NHS trust to re-introduce the tar bucket.

With type 2 diabetes at record levels and resultant amputations being performed on a daily basis, South Essex Hospital management has decided money must be saved., After an internal audit showed the...

DroleNoel 02.07.12 7:17am
Bob Diamond to sue Newscorp for Libor in high court 0
Scronnyglonkle 02.07.12 7:12am
Richard Branson sets new world record for self-publicity 0
Ian Searle 02.07.12 7:08am
Ian Searle
Scientologists brand Murdoch 'creepy and evil'

More later...

Ian 02.07.12 6:26am
Richard Branson becomes first person to walk across the English Channel. 0
Ian Searle 02.07.12 6:10am
Ian Searle
Local man upgrades to less dumb phone 0
Dumbnews 02.07.12 4:57am
"Who Gives A Fuck" To Be Added To US Ballot In November

"Who Gives A Fuck" has beaten out intense competition from "Politicans Are Human Scum" and "They're Both Wankers" to emerge as the official third party candidate in this year's American elections....

Textbook 02.07.12 1:00am
Bookies slash odds on a Briton wining the Olympic Flame relay 0
bonjonelson 01.07.12 8:33pm
'50 shades of gey' best selling book in Brighton. 0
MADJEZ 01.07.12 7:40pm
Euro final, anthems replaced with 'Una paloma blanca' and 'Shaddupyaface'.

Rogue England fans sought. More soon...

MADJEZ 01.07.12 7:36pm
50 Shades of Grey will now have a Chav Style Follow up

After the phenomenal success of sales with 50 Shades of Grey, the author has decided to release a second & third book in the series aimed at the Chav community after repeated requests from Tracy...

Timerman 01.07.12 7:35pm
'Withdraw life-support' from George Osborne call

Demands are growing at Westminster for the withdrawal of life-support from Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne. Osborne, who is rarely seen in public and is believed to have been in a...

roybland 01.07.12 6:00pm
Wales to go online with Minitel

Walles to go onlline with minitell ll ll...

miked10270 01.07.12 1:17pm
Gold for Britain as Thomas beats Bolt .

Britain gained a surprise gold medal in the men’s one hundred metre final . Jamaican Usain Bolt who was expected to easily win was shocked to be beaten and also see his world record smashed by...

mrlemoncurry 01.07.12 12:56pm
'Wrong flame' mix up causes Olympic torch relay to be rerun.

There were embarrassed faces at the LOCOG as it emerged that the Jubilee beacon and Olympic flames had been mixed up. It is thought to have started as a prank by junior members of both teams after a...

MADJEZ 01.07.12 11:24am