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Chancellor's Autumn Statement - text in full.

"Lalalalalalalalalalalalllallaaaalalal flowers sunshine recovery lalalalalalalalalala. Sod off povs lalalalalalalalalala flogging off Eurostarlalalalalalalalalalahappy happy dancelalalalalalalalalala...

6
blokefromstoke 05.12.13 11:04pm
deskpilot3
Dead man dies at film premiere 0
medici2471 05.12.13 11:02pm
medici2471
Grieeeeeeeeeeve....Nelson Mandela 0
irreverendJ 05.12.13 10:41pm
irreverendJ
World in shock as several people die in a week

With the deaths of Nelson Mandela, Paul Walker and the victims of the Glasgow helicopter crash coming so close together, many are wondering, what is going on? There is a belief that several people...

0
Hooch 05.12.13 10:40pm
Hooch
Cameron: 'On the good side he can't claim benefits here'

More soon[code]...

0
antharrison 05.12.13 10:27pm
antharrison
R I P eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Nelson Mandela

More like him soon. .. If only. ....

0
Not Amused 05.12.13 10:23pm
Not Amused
Review:‘The Three Little Pigs’ brings high potential but lacks energy and talent

The Three Little Pigs is a long-loved fable, a delightful bedtime story, and now hitting the stage at Westlake Elementary School. Printed versions of the tale date back to the 1840s, but it is...

1
simonjh 05.12.13 9:51pm
custard cream
Dad honing 'significantly edgier' leg or breast routine for Xmas lunch 7
cinquecento 05.12.13 7:46pm
Wrenfoe
RSPCA backs winter cull of "witless rentagobs"

The RSPCA have called for a "Humane Cull" of half-arsed contrarian columnists and commentators in the wake of Katy Hopkins remarks about the Glasgow helicopter crash. Inspector Ray Tweed told media...

1
blokefromstoke 05.12.13 5:56pm
Titus
Alex Salmond promises an independent Scotland will be less windy. 2
MADJEZ 05.12.13 5:48pm
Titus
Man arrested for Fast-Forwarding through Adverts

Giles Ingleby was yesterday arrested by police on suspicion of theft after continued use of his Sky+ box to fast forward through adverts in programs, thereby depriving the broadcaster of much...

4
james_doc 05.12.13 5:44pm
Titus
'What's a tax disc' ask puzzled Scousers

We thought DVLA was Welsh for 'car', No more very soon...

0
Gerontius 05.12.13 4:44pm
Gerontius
Economist claims, 'Large plasma TV's are best indicator of poverty' 3
Dumbnews 05.12.13 4:42pm
Dumbnews
Moyes finally masterminds an Everton victory at Old Trafford 1
Midfield Diamond 05.12.13 3:48pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Munster Koach/Wacky races Gruesome Twosome car crash a freak accident say police 0
Ian Searle 05.12.13 3:46pm
Ian Searle
Unemployment latest, tax disc holder manufacturers announce job loses.

No more soon...

0
Kramaring 05.12.13 2:49pm
Kramaring
Judge rules Sant A can be named. 0
Ian Searle 05.12.13 1:41pm
Ian Searle
Gove Launches New NVQ in Pig Wanking

Fresh on the heels of PM David Cameron's Coup in securing a £45m export deal with China, for the much valued commodity of pig seamen, the Education Secretary has invested in a new initiative to...

14
John Roughty 05.12.13 1:39pm
editor
Tom Daley announces he is in a relationship with a dolphin. 0
bonjonelson 05.12.13 12:36pm
bonjonelson
Bankrupt Guardian sets up murder of Marine to boost sales.

More deaths soon...

0
FOAD 05.12.13 12:25pm
FOAD
Policeman whose main job was opening gate may struggle to prove hes not a pleb. 1
MADJEZ 05.12.13 11:55am
custard cream
'New pension age not cost effective' warn critics

Older people with absolutely no chance of ever finding a job again may have to remain unemployed until they are 68 before picking up their state pension warned Chancellor George Osborne, As part of...

0
Gerontius 05.12.13 10:39am
Gerontius
Oasis settlements record disturbing levels of date rape 0
pere floza 05.12.13 10:31am
pere floza
Kilt Ban Unconstitutional says Salmond

An Emergency Decency Order was put in place in Scotland today, in response to blustery weather, banning the wearing of kilts in public places. The move by the Office for Caledonian Health And...

0
Beer Sampler 05.12.13 10:22am
Beer Sampler
Barnett in chaos as breeze hits South East.

The Mayor of London's hair was declared a state of emergency this morning as gusts of up to 7mph ripped through his unkempt coiffe. A spokesman for the mayor's office announced that combs, gel and...

0
spoole2112 05.12.13 9:25am
spoole2112
Life expectancy of Kate Hopkins 'too old,' say experts 3
Hooch 05.12.13 9:12am
Titus
OED Announces This Year's Downgraded Words

In a shock move by the Oxford English Dictionary, boffins have started showing signs of bending to public pressure on the use of certain words. The words in question, words which 100 years ago would...

6
Fray Brentos 05.12.13 9:07am
Titus
Chancellor to announce new round of cuts for self-harmers. 1
spoole2112 05.12.13 9:04am
Titus
Timid Suarez faces axe

Liverpool striker Luis Suarez may have played his last game for the club as his crisis of confidence deepened against Norwich City on Wednesday. Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers voiced his...

0
Ralph Warner 05.12.13 8:16am
Ralph Warner
Rescue mission launched to save millions of animals from slaughter 0
Dumbnews 05.12.13 6:22am
Dumbnews