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Local bellend visits Starbucks just to give barista fake name

Weeks after high-street coffee giant Starbucks began its "Names on Cups" campaign to personalise their customers' beverage experience, tiresome prick Dave Henderson finally got round to pestering...

5
Mr Target 04.05.12 10:05pm
dvo4fun
Boris and Ken agree to share power till result declared 0
nickb 04.05.12 10:04pm
nickb
Friends and family key to councillor triumph

Local man Barry Parsons was narrowly elected as St. Mary’s ward councillor last night mustering 13 votes to his opponent's 11 on a record low turnout. Parsons's slightly larger circle of friends...

2
BAJDixon 04.05.12 10:02pm
dvo4fun
GP struck off for not telling patients to lose weight and drink less

A disgraced doctor in rural Cambridgeshire who neglected to advise some of his patients to go on a diet and cut down on their alcohol intake has been struck off the medical register. The General...

5
Midfield Diamond 04.05.12 9:10pm
Sinnick
Office manager using green ink and messenger bag in new round of affectations. 0
Maverick 04.05.12 9:10pm
Maverick
Single currency supporters to replace the phrase 'spend a penny' with 'euronate' 1
Smart Alex 04.05.12 9:03pm
Maverick
If Rap Songs Really Told It Like It Is

They rap on and on, but those 'songs' the rappers spill from their lips and their hips just seem to go in circles that lead nowhere. Isn't it time they finally listened to non-rap brother Aaron...

0
04.05.12 8:25pm
NHS to update Waiting Room onscreen displays

[thanks to Midfield Diamond for the idea - maybe we can squeeze a collective Left Alert out of this ? or just have a laugh ] Following criticism that their Waiting Room displays are being ignored,...

16
Sinnick 04.05.12 6:01pm
Thor
Laxative inventor flushed with pride 0
cinquecento 04.05.12 4:34pm
cinquecento
Bin Laden may have been planning delivery meal

The White House has released the strongest evidence yet that Osama Bin Laden may have been planning to order a take-away meal on the evening of his death at the hands of US Navy Seals., US...

0
MrBen 04.05.12 3:57pm
MrBen
General public not interested in the 'public interest' 0
MrBen 04.05.12 3:40pm
MrBen
Rodeotherapy cures cowboy's cancer 3
Haywood Manley 04.05.12 3:37pm
MrBen
Coca Cola unveil Olympic missile tail-fin design

Olympic sponsors Coca-Cola have stuck with tradition to unveil what they describe as "the most stylish surface to air missile of the generation"., The soft-drinks company is keen to deliver the...

0
MrBen 04.05.12 3:34pm
MrBen
Olympic SAM accidentally shoots down swan over Hyde Park 0
grottymonty 04.05.12 3:33pm
grottymonty
CERN physicist arrested in Al Qaeda plot to implode universe

French police have charged an Algerian physicist working at the CERN research institute with terrorism offences after he allegedly plotted with Al Qaeda to implode the entire universe. The physicist...

1
bonjonelson 04.05.12 3:14pm
cinquecento
Man awarded OBE for "Services to stating the bleeding obvious"

Graham Swanson, a 46yd old mechanic from Swanley, has been rewarded for "Services to stating the bleeding obvious". His wife, Helen, said "Each year on the 4th of May, he wakes me up with a wink and...

3
seymour totti 04.05.12 3:11pm
cinquecento
Battersea Drog's home? 0
Screenie 04.05.12 3:05pm
Screenie
Widdicombe -in-the-moor voted in favour of having an elected Old Grey Mare

Uncle Tom Cobbley is delighted. Moor Soon...

1
Ian Searle 04.05.12 2:53pm
beau-jolly
Secret Service Fails To Keep Whore-Mongering Secret

President Obama ordered a full-scale enquiry into the professionalism of the Secret Service after a group of them failed to do what millions of ordinary American men do everyday – keep their visits...

4
daneade 04.05.12 1:58pm
bonjonelson
Cameron sees no solution to issues of low polling and Argentinian aggression

British Prime Minister David Cameron was left scratching his head after a week from hell which has seen the Tories plunge in the polls, and Argentina ramp up its efforts to lay claim to the Falklands...

0
Yikes 04.05.12 12:35pm
Yikes
Prince Harry ‘can’t wait’ to ‘fuck up’ the Taleban

Fun-loving Prince Harry has started an amusing war of words with the Taleban before his impending deployment to Afghanistan as an Apache Chopper Pilot., Harry used to Twitter to taunt the Taleban,...

1
daneade 04.05.12 12:33pm
Yikes
Mass Redundancies in CIA After Success of 'Operation Facebook

The CIA announced mass lay-offs of agents whose job it was to snoop on everyday citizens minding their own business. After undercover spook geek Mark Zuckerberg launched their Facebook program users...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:12pm
daneade
Fame ‘not all it’s cracked up to be’ – Kony 2012

War-mongering, limb-hacking youth employment champion Joseph Kony says his new found fame has not been quite the chick magnet bling bonanza he was hoping for. ‘I’m well fucked off’, said Kony...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:11pm
daneade
Mexican Government Announces Unconditional Surrender In Drug War

The Mexican Government has formally ceded control of Mexico to the Zetas Drug Cartel in an elaborate surrender ceremony at leader Carlos Jimenez’s luxury Cancun mansion. The Government fought...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:09pm
daneade
Somali Pirates Split Into Traditionalist Faction

A group of conservative Somali pirates have split from the mainstream complaining of a lack of recognition of long-established pirate conventions. Spokesman Mohamed ‘Long John’ Sabbelah said his...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:08pm
daneade
Apple Demands An End To The End Of Slavery

Apple today warned that its massively obscene profits would be in jeopardy of not being as massive unless the international ban on slavery was lifted at once. Top Executives have already drawn up...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:07pm
daneade
Breivik says ‘It Was Self Defense.’ Norway says ‘You Fucking What?’

Mass killer Anders Brievik made one of the most unconvincing arguments of self-defense in modern criminal history at his trial in Oslo, Norway. When told of his defense strategy, the Judge – in a...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:05pm
daneade
Chen Guangcheng to 'consider all options'

Chinese dissident Chen Guangcheng can apply to study abroad, potentially indicating a way out of the diplomatic crisis with the US over him. The University of Cumbria is believed to be the UK...

0
Bonaparte Shandy 04.05.12 12:02pm
Bonaparte Shandy
Chinese dissident "now fancies a world cruise". 0
Boutros 04.05.12 11:24am
Boutros
"It won’t bloody flush”, reports woman trapped in dinner party toilet.

Amy Higgins was in a race against time with the cistern of a downstairs lavatory in Surrey yesterday, after a single flush at an intimate dinner party for six proved itself not up to the job....

2
DrTurmoil 04.05.12 10:31am
DrTurmoil