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Man United to take over London Olympic stadium to be closer to their fans. 4
MADJEZ 3 years
Fox can explain everything "It's all on the Blackberry server" 0
apepper 3 years

Defence Secretary, Liam Fox, has a document that completely explains the apparent misunderstanding about the position of Adam Werritty. "It clears up everything; why he was in my office, why he was...

I'll warrant there's nae harder man than George Alagiah - Scots fan 0
Drylaw 3 years
Wheelchair looters demand getaway ramps 3
Boutros 3 years

Disability rights campaigners are planning action in support of the wheelchair-bound looter jailed for making off with a television from a ransacked branch of Argos. "It's a clear discrimination by...

Saudi Ambassador regrets not offering Iranian delegate a Ferrero Rocher 0
Perks 3 years
Olympic stadium to become a Starbucks. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Sting Claims Credit As Special Forces Rescue Pirate Held Ship 1
The All New Jeni B 3 years

Widowed fruit and veg seller finally 'back on the market' 1
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

Steve Jobs' coffin not expected to have windows. 1
wallster 3 years
OCD sufferers demand action over ‘deeply upsetting’ leaning Big Ben 14
3 years

OCD sufferers are demanding immediate action to straighten Big Ben. Experts believe the clock tower could be out of kilter by as much as 0.26 degrees. “One report claims that the tower is leaning...

Bomb disposal engineers to help elderly switch on central heating 2
roybland 3 years

The government Is deploying crack army bomb disposal units to help Britain's elderly switch on their central heating this winter.,  , Fred (86) and Ethel (85) Wilkinson said they've been trying...

Rail travellers urged to cuddle during rush-hour 6
3 years

Over-crowding on Britain's rail network could soon become a thing of the past, according to transport experts. A scheme encouraging rail users to accept each other in a tight embrace could increase...

Fox in right job. Look how good at defence he is, quips PM 2
Clarky 3 years
Braehead shopping centre changes Photo Shopping policy 1
witless 3 years

The owners of Braehead shopping centre have agreed that pictures of smiling customers can once again be PhotoShopped to look miserable, as they do NOT represent the majority of their visitors....

Rooney writes to UEFA to reduce ban 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years

Dear Mr UEFA Must be a Euro thing as it was Dear Jim when I was a kid. Anyway, as bans go, three's a bit harsh ennit? And I was hoping that with my serious face and an extra weave due next week I...

“Adult” sites will be required to offer public service content. 1
nickb 3 years

In landmark legislation the Department of Media, Culture and Sport will require pornographic websites to carry news, educational or community programmes, or face shut down., “We’re not...

TomTom launches Top Gear limited edition with voice of the Stig 0
witless 3 years

gets muted response from Clarkson...

Migrants must pass 'Daily Mail test' to earn UK passport 0
roybland 3 years

Migrants will have to pass a 'Daily Mail test' to receive a UK passport, David Cameron announced yesterday. 'If migrants want to settle in our country,' the prime minister said, 'as well as...

Aled Jones finding walking in the air "increasingly difficult". More soon. 5
Al OPecia 3 years
A Tawdry Remit is confirmed for Dr Fox's friend 0
simonjmr 3 years

Dear Army Twit, Dame Tart Wiry, Dream Wary Tit, Married Twaty, Mated Rat Wiry, Reward May Tit More soon...

Stephen Fry of only average intelligence, scientists report 0
Clarky 3 years

Using powerful mass hypnotism, triggered by a knowing smirk to camera, Stephen Fry has fooled the world for decades, making everyone think …...

Adam Werritty is Minister of Magic 0
apepper 3 years

In a shock announcement, it's been revealed that Adam Werritty is not actually a friend of Liam Fox but is, in fact, the Minister of Magic. The long rumoured position was in a similar quasi-legal...

Meryl Streep bad actor, boffins conclude 0
Clarky 3 years

Using powerful mass hypnotism, triggered by the use of funny foreign accents, Meryl Streep has fooled the world for decades, making everyone think …...

Dry Cleaners deny drug trade rumours 0
Drylaw 3 years

The Legion of British Dry Cleaners last night released a press statement strongly denying recent allegations regarding their business practices in UK. "We are not and never have been connected to...

George Clooney not really good-looking, investigation reveals 0
Clarky 3 years

Using powerful mass hypnotism, triggered by a playful crinkle of his eyes, George Clooney has fooled the world for decades, making everyone think …...

Dr Fox "we can deploy Comic Sans within 30 minutes" 0
simonjmr 3 years

Embattled Dr Liam Fox has today announced that the UK can deploy "Comic Sans" within 30 minutes, in the hope that this news will deflect attention away from the Werrity scandal that has erupted...

Renault targets impulse killer market with extra boot space 4
vertical 3 years

is nothing sacred here....

delightfullyodd 3 years

FOLLOWING the recent story that a man was told to delete photographs of his daughter taken in Braehead Shopping Centre in Glasgow by Police and Security staff, the Scottish Government has today...

"Universe is leaning slightly", claims builders of Big Ben 7
apepper 3 years

The building company who constructed St Stephen's clock tower (generally known as "Big Ben") have claimed that the entire universe is tilted by .26 degrees. "This is a huge problem.", they went on,...

Fox hounded from office 2
apepper 3 years

The hunt is on...