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Gay Chilean miner refuses to "come out". 2
Nick McCarr 3 years

(edited to make more gooderer)...
Businessman chokes on Miss Adventure 0
Kazytc 3 years

In the pursuit of a retirement thrill, a businessman from Ashcloud, Derbyshire UK, has been reduced to ashes.. Lionel Whipster aged 61, died when his S & M collar strangled him, whilst he was...
Cliff fall man's 'HELP!' may have been a cry for help, inquest hears. More soon 5
malgor 3 years
Injunction threat for actor who plays Top Gear character the Clarkson 5
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

John Potter, the ex Army tank commander recently outed as the man who plays The Clarkson character in BBC's show Top Gear, has been threatened with an injunction by the BBC. The show's bosses are...
Tesco to introduce Shopping Proficiency test for the elderly 1
Moggsy 3 years

Supermarket giant Tescos is to only allow old people to shop at peak times once they have proved their ability to negotiate it's stores without irritating the hell out of other shoppers it has been...
Gap admit that changing logo to a swastika was "probably a mistake" 0
bonjonelson 3 years

[More Soon]...
"I see Dead Wankers!" claims Tourettes Psychic. 0
bonjonelson 3 years

More fucking soon...
Student leader promises tuition fees backlash - if he remembers to set alarm 0
roybland 3 years
Brave Civil Servants Battle the Cut & Thrust in Whitehall 0
TheM3Diaries 3 years

As the National Security Council met today to discuss the Strategic Defence & Security Review Prime Minister David Cameron and senior Security & Defence figures heard a shock revelation. ...
Commonwealth Games have been a 'Resounding success' say Andrex 1
antharrison 3 years
Peer Review called off as most Lords too old to sing and dance 0
Ian Searle 3 years

and none can tell jokes...
Chilean Miners prepare to be "Born again". 0
Rowly 3 years

Midwives on standby to slap their backsides...
Commonwealth Games devalued as brick freefalls into a pool to win gold 3
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Bosses ban masturbation at Barclaycard call centre. 1
therustler 3 years

Senior management at Barclaycard were forced to admit today that they had resorted to banning staff from masturbating whilst on duty in the call centre following a string of complaints from customers...
Dyslexic Wanker tries to claim World Hand Speed Record 0
Rowly 3 years

more later...
Chilean miners tell rescuers to "vete para la verga" 0
Scroat 3 years
Davina arrives in Chile in preparation for eviction night 2
wallster 3 years

Dehy 68 in the Big Broother mine. Pedro coooms to the dahry rhoom. (Sorry, had pub lunch. My spelling's shot to fuck.)...
Status Quo to release "Down Down" in tribute to rescue of the Chilean miners 1
simonjmr 3 years

Jamiroqui also planning rerelease of "Deeper Underground"., The Jam to release "Going Underground", Englebert Humperdink to rerelease "Please release me" More soon...
Cub scout bob-a-job week going badly after being under cut by eastern europeans 0
Basil_B 3 years

Cub scouts across the country all collectively complained today that their annual bob-a-job week was having it's worst ever year thanks to being beaten to it by eastern european economic migrants.,...
Camerons "Big Society" claims first victim 6
G H 3 years

David Camerons "Big Society" has claimed its first victim after 43 year old plumber Colin Smith from Aldridge in the west midlands died while attempting to remove his own Appendix.His widow Jayne...
"We're not coming out until Gamu is re-instated" say Chilean miners. 0
Oh Danny Boy 3 years
Tweet I Y Y: Unilever to fund revolutionary pest control experiment 0
4ty2 3 years

to rid London of pigeons and rats by spreading millions of ceramic sunflower seeds aromatised with Flora Sunflower oil for added taste. It is hoped it will ground the pigeons then to be eaten by...
Supply teacher accused of having sex with two 15 year olds says shewas just 0
arrghgarry 3 years

doing her job...
Carrier pigeons called back into service as new cost cutting initiative 0
Basil_B 3 years

A beaming David Cameron emerged from a cost efficiency meeting at the treasury this afternoon with a plan to revise communications between governmental departments by using carrier pigeons for the...
Autistic stationer has 2011diaries in stock 0
MrChigleysAunt 3 years
Gary Glitter to greet freed minors 0
Sinnick 3 years
Ordnance Survey 'mortified' as X-Factor contestant Cher puts Malvern on the map 1
Oxbridge 3 years

There were red faces at the Ordnance Survey last night when the Worcestershire town of Malvern appeared on maps of England and Wales for the first time in its 900-year history. This was apparently...
French unions to announce days they're actually at work 0
Sinnick 3 years

It'll be easier that way...
cure for Bipolar disorder discovered... 1
be reasonable 3 years

"move to Antarctica," say psychiatrists...
iPhone owner shuts the fuck up. OK, just kidding 4
Oxbridge 3 years