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David Cameron has a "Scottish surname" to get votes against independence

Prime Minister David Cameron has outlined he has a Scottish surname get votes against Scottish independence, he further announced that it mean "bent nose" and that ginger hair, a liking for deep...

simonjmr 16.02.12 4:58pm
New review site launches, "" 0
Dumbnews 16.02.12 4:48pm
Dyson announce bag-less, no-bin, no filter cleaner

The new Dyson, “The Dyson Black” will soon be unleashed onto to market, the first to utilise Large Hadron technology. No bag, no bin, just a black hole in a tube! Final trials are now underway in...

hero2zero 16.02.12 7:09pm
Man with flu goes online and diagnoses himself with cancer 1
Dumbnews 16.02.12 5:23pm
Cameron offers Scotland to Argentina as goodwill gesture 9
button 19.02.12 9:14pm
Teenager to appeal to Strasbourg over right to be bored

Ipswich teenager Sharon Jones is appealing to the European Court of Human Rights over what she claims is a violation of her human right to be bored under article nine which guarantees freedom of...

roybland 16.02.12 8:33pm
Prince Philip seized by bailiffs as Greek debt crisis deepens 0
cinquecento 16.02.12 3:59pm
Paul McCartney is giving up cannabis because of his daughter ..

69 year-old former Beatle, Sir Paul McCartney, has told Rolling Stone magazine that he is to stop smoking cannabis because of his 8 year-old daughter, Beatrice. In his interview with Rolling Stone,...

Gourd Almighty 16.02.12 3:30pm
Gourd Almighty
Thief cuts bicycle to steal lock 1
Dumbnews 20.02.12 10:10am
Major Clanger
Apple board holds Seance-Ference Call with Steve Jobs to ask WTF Do we do next?

Senior Apple executives are in emergy seance talks with Steve Jobs as they try to hammer out an agreement over what the fuck to do next. Jobs departed this life leaving a lot of questions...

ronseal 16.02.12 5:01pm
NHS to move offshore in tax dodge

Following the revelation that 25 civil servants may have paid 18% less tax as a result of having their salaries paid into personal holding companies, Health Secretary Andrew Lansley today revealed...

GrahamB 16.02.12 2:41pm
Sean Penn fails to deny 'gay cocaine for quotes' Falklands rumour

Small-faced actor Sean Penn has so far failed to deny that he was given 'a massive bag of gay cocaine' in exchange for slagging off Her Majesty's Falklands. Until now, no-one has even suggested that...

17.02.12 10:48pm
Ticket sales for Houston soar after star’s death.

In an unprecedented move, American Airlines have put on extra flights in the last few days as demand for tickets to Houston, Texas rocketed just hours after news of the R n B superstar’s untimely...

Babydaddy 16.02.12 2:36pm
Luvverly Jubilee - Queen's Jubilee agenda to feature live beheadings

Buckingham Palace have today published further details of the forthcoming Jubilee festivities. Monarchy fans queued up outside the palace gates for eight days without healthcare or sanitation to hear...

Newsquelch 16.02.12 2:22pm
Argentine and British government 'stunned' by Falklands decision to join Jamaica

Argentine and British government officials were today said to be 'stunned' at the decision of residents of the Falkland Islands to become part of Jamaica. "In many ways it makes perfect sense" said...

graciesdad 16.02.12 2:06pm
Toy Story's Buzz Lightyear in London congestion charge row!

Transport For London today announced a change in its vehicle categorization policy after a review by a Commons Select Committee. The new legislation also includes Space Rangers like Buzz 'Aldrin'...

theadministrator 16.02.12 2:03pm
Huhne offers to serve ex-wife's prison sentence...

just as long as it's to be in a womens' prison...

Smart Alex 16.02.12 10:42pm
Huhne arrives late to court. Blames wife. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 16.02.12 1:38pm
PM talks up Scotland prior to placing on Ebay

PM David Cameron has spoken warmly of Scotland in an attempt to increase the number of bids for the country on Ebay. Cameron hopes to make the forthcoming referendum someone else's problem...

apepper 16.02.12 1:33pm
After success of Ian Paisley and Rangers, Pope switches prayer effort to Dawkins

The Holy Trinity...

charlies_hat 16.02.12 1:27pm
Ghost Of Dead Mother Even More Annoying Than When She Was Alive

Eleanor Drysden, 51, of Leeds, Yorkshire is undergoing unwelcome visitations from her recently deceased Mother, Ethel Bowler, who died last month of natural causes. Eleanor was at her side comforting...

SimonJJames 20.02.12 10:14am
Major Clanger
Nokia unveil the new N0M8s; the world's first 'Smart Human'

With the number of ‘Smart’ Phones predicted to overtake the number of people on the planet, mobile phone giant Nokia have unveiled a new product that will result in the creation of the ‘Smart...

Perks 17.05.12 11:51am
United Nations under pressure to break Bobby Brown’s knees

The United Nations has bowed to international pressure to convene a special committee on Bobby Brown, since the tragic death of his ex-wife, Whitney Houston at the weekend. Talentless wanker, The...

Peat1973 16.02.12 12:38pm
Ian Paisley moved out of intensive care, "for his own safety".... 0
theadministrator 16.02.12 12:33pm
Victoria Beckham’s NY fashion show ‘used actual famine victims’, claim experts

Victoria Beckham’s New York fashion show was mired in controversy last night after claims that the models she employed were victims of the recent famine in Ethiopia. It is believed the pop-star...

Gary Stanton 20.02.12 11:12am
Major Clanger
Wagamama and Yo Sushi! join forces to target young market with 'Yo Mama' 3
kimllfixit 17.02.12 3:48pm
Time wasting slogan chanting meeting makers could lead UK recovery says time w..

Independent research carried out by DMM (Dovetailed Marketing Messages) suggests that Britain could be sleepwalking into a triple dip recession if it cuts back on investment on meetings. The...

ronseal 16.02.12 11:04am
Philip to redefine himself as, 'The Royal Formerly Known As Prince' 2
Smart Alex 17.02.12 3:51pm
UK asks Betty Ford clinic to withdraw clown prince Penn from south atlantic

Clown Prince Penn, the former footman of Pop Queen Madonna, is to continue his controversial self promotional tour of the south atlantic. Britain has called the mobilising of the publicity seeking...

ronseal 16.02.12 12:32pm
Cameron jets to Athens to seek vital Greek vote in Eurovision Song Contest

David Cameron could pull of a coup for Britain right from under the German's noses. Capitalising on anti Euro dissent, the PM is jetting to Athens for high level talks - which could secure the key...

ronseal 16.02.12 10:33am