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Your life could depend on your bedtime routine

Oscar’s Checklist: [s]Close bathroom window[/s], [s]Switch off electric fan[/s], [s]Close balcony doors[/s], [s]Switch on burglar alarm[/s], Load 9 mm Parabellum pistol, Remove prosthetic...

0
lane-avenger 20.02.13 11:50pm
lane-avenger
Pistorius police witness claims: "She did call him a pleb" 0
PeterB 20.02.13 11:32pm
PeterB
Pistorius to get beReevament councilling

Still king of the puns!...

0
lane-avenger 20.02.13 10:57pm
lane-avenger
Pryce: "Chris was a pointless man"

..I'll get my coat :-(...

1
MikeF 20.02.13 10:46pm
Squudge
Upbeat Pistorius already in training for 2032 Paralympics 0
sydalg 20.02.13 10:30pm
sydalg
'If only I'd known they were that stupid' laments Huhne 0
medici2471 20.02.13 10:28pm
medici2471
Blair denies Papacy bid is attempt to avoid Warcrimes Tribunal. 2
reforse 20.02.13 10:21pm
sydalg
Pistorius accuses judge of presiding over kangaroo court

please improve and jump to it!...

0
MikeF 20.02.13 10:07pm
MikeF
Pistorius preposterous protest prosecution. 1
MADJEZ 20.02.13 9:51pm
custard cream
Royal corgi to get media training after  jibe that  she  "lacks personality"

Muggles, the new royal corgi is to be trained by a top media and public relations agency, after being accused of being a "plastic pooch" selected only because of her breed.  Long held convention...

0
nickb 20.02.13 9:30pm
nickb
Lance Armstrong turns-down ASDA interview

The unemployed and banned cyclist Lance Armstrong has revealed that he has decided to turn-down an interview with ASDA as he is hoping for a job in another country. 'ASDA wrote to me asking if I...

0
antharrison 20.02.13 9:19pm
antharrison
Axedminster 1
medici2471 20.02.13 9:18pm
Squudge
Eastleigh Labour candidate advised public to "stick deckchairs up their noses"

• Writer John O’Farrell was part of lefty group that invited public to injure themselves in various ways., • Also included ‘totally unfunded’ encouragement to buy aircraft., • Catchy...

14
Mr Target 20.02.13 8:28pm
Squudge
Retiring Pope "runs away to Circus Maximus". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 20.02.13 8:02pm
Al OPecia
White British "fleeing Eastleigh for London". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 20.02.13 8:01pm
Al OPecia
White British "fleeing London for Eastleigh". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 20.02.13 8:01pm
Al OPecia
Axminster Carpets Laid to Rest

Goddam you guys have got me doing it now. Sodding pun Damn! Damn! Damn!...

9
scribbler 20.02.13 7:36pm
sponge finger
Carpet company goes into Axministration 1
victimms 20.02.13 7:34pm
sponge finger
Axminster carpets beaten

<cough>...

1
Squudge 20.02.13 7:32pm
sponge finger
Axminster rolled up

<sigh>...

1
Squudge 20.02.13 7:31pm
sponge finger
Axminster unraveled 0
Squudge 20.02.13 7:28pm
Squudge
Axminster bosses carpetted over collapse. 1
MADJEZ 20.02.13 7:27pm
Squudge
One week on, many Chinese still writing "year of the dragon" on cheques

I'll be bringing this one out every year from now on...

9
Smart Alex 20.02.13 7:24pm
Squudge
Three journalists injured after Wenger 'Wobbler'

Three sports reporters were 'stable' in an Intensive Care unit last night after bizarre scenes, when Arsenal's under-pressure manager turned a vivid green, burst out of his clothes and launched a...

4
pinxit 20.02.13 6:42pm
Jonny Shlep
Harry Styles Out Of One Direction Shoots Olly Murs Through Bathroom Door.

The world of pop music was in shock last night after police were called to the home of Harry Styles out of One Direction, following a shooting incident which left his chart topping rival Olly Murs...

3
Jonny Shlep 20.02.13 5:40pm
Jonny Shlep
Truebiscuit finally gets a joke!

http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/8796/victor20meldrew20richar.jpg I’m sure he’ll see the funny side of this!...

6
lane-avenger 20.02.13 5:36pm
scribbler
Lens Cap to update Guidelines for Contributors so as to encourage laughter

Talented contributors to return soon...

7
Audible Minority 20.02.13 5:06pm
Audible Minority
So Mrs Batey, would your husband prefer...

a) cremation, b) burial, c) to enter the food chain PS Derek Batey, the original host of Mr and Mrs, died yesterday...

2
lane-avenger 20.02.13 4:51pm
Truebiscuit
Ed Miliband forbids Andrew Marr from liking Labour policies.

I may write more but i havent got a stitch to wear...

0
Scronnyglonkle 20.02.13 4:13pm
Scronnyglonkle
Wenger blamed for Kings Cross delays and contraflow on M6 lastnight

more later...

0
Scronnyglonkle 20.02.13 4:11pm
Scronnyglonkle