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Bionic man still claiming he's "100% straight" 0
charlies_hat 30.07.12 9:46pm
charlies_hat
Armed Forces to take over from Team GB

Amidst reports that Team GB has failed to turn up for the games the Armed Forces have been asked to take over as competitors. A MOD spokesman said, "Following the success of the forces stepping in...

0
PeterB 30.07.12 9:36pm
PeterB
Team GB swimmers claim gold in synchronised failure discipline. 0
wallster 30.07.12 9:23pm
wallster
More Olympic copyright trouble as Spice Girls turn around and bend over naked 4
Mandy Lifeboat 30.07.12 7:48pm
Mr Target
Flaming East London cauldron marks riots anniversary

"It just seemed a fitting comemoration, said London Mayor", Boris Johnson., More soon...

0
custard cream 30.07.12 7:27pm
custard cream
LOCOG releases more tickets for Olympic Opening Ceremony 1
bonjonelson 30.07.12 7:00pm
antharrison
Spectators walk out of women's weightlifting snatch event

Confused spectators have been complaining about being misled by the women's weightlifting event. "I was looking forward to the women's snatch followed by the traditional jerk and clean, what I didn't...

3
apepper 30.07.12 5:47pm
apepper
Queen’s opening ceremony ‘speaking role’ sparks Equity strike

A row has broken out amongst the acting community, after an elderly woman without an equity card took part in a prime-time drama. Known simply as ‘The Queen’, the woman has no history of acting...

0
30.07.12 5:14pm
Olympics diving competitors to wear pyjamas and retrieve rubber brick 1
seymour totti 30.07.12 4:38pm
custard cream
Military on standby following BBC's extended coverage of Olympic 'non sports'

Rumours are circulating this evening that official Olympic broadcaster, the BBC, may have to call on the assistance of the already beleaguered armed forces to supply emergency presenters to help...

0
Duff 30.07.12 4:30pm
Duff
Olympic starter to be replaced by Pelican crossing. 0
button 30.07.12 2:42pm
button
Empty Olympic seats actually occupied by German beach towels 0
seymour totti 30.07.12 2:38pm
seymour totti
Empty Olympic Stadium Seats to be filled with Wogans

Following criticism of empty seats at Olympic venues, the BBC has agreed to open an emergency vault of Wogans to sit into the breach. "It's an open secret at the BBC that we've been storing Wogans...

3
30.07.12 1:12pm
Golgo13
Incredible String Band "lacked incredibilty" says new sixties retrospective 4
nickb 30.07.12 1:11pm
Golgo13
Olympic pool "to be carbonated" in response to sponsor demands

Olympic pool "to be carbonated" in response to sponsor demands...

1
BAJDixon 30.07.12 12:41pm
riesler
Storm over full seats at Olympic sailing

Olympic organisers are trying to discover who is responsible for the full seats at the Olympic sailing events. Lord Coe explained; "It's a bit of a mystery; who on Earth wants to watch 6 tiny boats...

0
apepper 30.07.12 12:29pm
apepper
Ryan Giggs Anthem Protest Sparks Royal Affair Fever

Gossip columnists, armed with information from 'reliable sources', are convinced that GB soccer captain, Ryan Giggs, has been dumped by a member of the Royal Family. Following yesterday's brief...

0
30.07.12 12:06pm
Medal ceremony to be rerun as athlete fails to bite medal for cameras

Gregor Bibik, the Ukrainian Men's 4 x 500m Individual Prone champion will have to receive his gold medal for a second time this evening, after journalists moaned that he hadn't done the thing where...

5
Golgo13 30.07.12 12:03pm
button
Desperation to fill seats causes Coe to lie across four at press conference 0
Basil_B 30.07.12 10:55am
Basil_B
Televised archery blamed for a rise in 'bow and arrow crime'

Crime figures out today have shown a decrease in all areas of crime, with one notable exception. Televised Archery has been blamed for the alarming rise in ‘bow and arrow’ crime. Bernard...

7
Perks 30.07.12 10:42am
Sinnick
Lewis Hamilton wins GB's first Gold in the Motorised Olympics

At the London Hungaroring...

0
Rootin Tootin 30.07.12 9:43am
Rootin Tootin
Boy, 16, becomes first to overdose on 'Olympics'

The current craze sweeping the nation of doing Olympics has claimed its first victim today, with a boy - who cannot be named - dying of acute over-excitement after consuming over 30 'tickets' of the...

4
quango 30.07.12 8:07am
dvo4fun
Sting takes silver medal for GB as he comes 2nd in Olympic tantric sex final 6
charlies_hat 30.07.12 7:56am
Perks
Obamacare takes the silver in national health championships.

"Just you wait until the dental event!" said the smiling President...

0
Maverick 30.07.12 7:25am
Maverick
Satirists strangely quiet about NHS promo in opening ceremony.

World wide audience bemused and confused...

0
Maverick 30.07.12 7:24am
Maverick
Warren commission denies anyone was on the grassy knoll at the opening ceremony. 0
Maverick 30.07.12 7:21am
Maverick
Euphoria as GB girls fail to win their races 0
medici2471 30.07.12 6:45am
medici2471
Soldiers step into replace missing athletes...

First we had soldiers stepping into to fill in the gap left by G4S and as if that wasn't embarrassing enough for LOCOG they then had to bring in extra soldiers to fill in the empty seats in many of...

0
hardev 29.07.12 10:30pm
hardev
Queen plays Helen Mirren. More soon.

Bit late, I know...

1
Al OPecia 29.07.12 10:16pm
hardev
ELITE ATHLETE PRAISES ‘DARWIN’ FOR HIS ATHLETIC PROWESS

Olympic hopeful Mark Jones, from Bournemouth, yesterday won the 400 meter hurdles at the Olympic Trials in a new world record of 46.5 seconds. Mark, a graduate from Cambridge University, was...

5
spur of the moment 29.07.12 8:04pm
Cheshire Cat