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Excitement as teenagers find unsecured wifi connection in local woods 0
gaijintendo 08.06.12 10:37am
gaijintendo
John Terry closes in on European Father of the Year title

Fans of British parenting look like having something to celebrate as John Terry seeks to breakthrough to the next level and claim the European Father of the Year title. Terry, an ex-winner of British...

0
Yikes 08.06.12 10:35am
Yikes
Gary Barlow turns down lucrative offer to be resident singer on Dragon Capsule

A spokesperson for Space X, the commercial space exploration wing of India's Tata Motors, today confirmed that they had failed in their bid to obtain Gary Barlow's signature on a multi-million dollar...

0
rustad 08.06.12 9:09am
rustad
Pensioner To Play Left-Back at Euros for Footballing Reasons

Roy Hodgson today called up 79 year old Bert Cooke to the England Euro 2012 squad today, purely for ‘footballing reasons’ he said completely lyingly. 79 times capped England legend Rio Ferdinand...

3
daneade 08.06.12 8:37am
Yikes
Ministers pretend to boycott Euro 2012 'to get out of games'

Government ministers have wriggled out of attending Euro 2012 by 'protesting' about Ukraine's jailing of former prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko, according to a secret recording of a Cabinet meeting....

1
V Riddoch 08.06.12 7:51am
Yikes
Man paints lines on grass, dons boots and puts up nets for 'footballing reasons" 0
ronseal 08.06.12 7:14am
ronseal
England footballers to play badly as protest

England's footballers are planning their own protest over the hosting of Euro 2012. "We're contractually oblidged to play, so we've decided to leave the tournement as soon as possible by being as...

1
apepper 08.06.12 4:01am
RickH
Cheryl Cole Unlikely Humanitarian Saviour

Cheryl Cole's fame may be of questionable merit to many members of the intellectual community, but that may change after her recent visit to Somalia, where in mere moments she raised living...

0
Textbook 08.06.12 3:22am
Textbook
Roy Hodgson found in hotel room with hookers and drugs 'for footballing reasons' 0
Alan Sundry 07.06.12 10:07pm
Alan Sundry
Prayers Being Offered For Stricken TV Royal Anchors

A frantic race is on this evening to find an urgent cure for a virus that's wreaking havoc throughout the UK's media community. The infection named, [i]Chronic Sycophantosis[/i], believed to be a new...

0
Duff 07.06.12 9:16pm
Duff
Dejected Clinton cards buyer returns home with £35million worth of weasel balls 0
Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 9:16pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Olympic ladies' soccer tickets unsold "for footballing reasons". 0
nickb 07.06.12 8:29pm
nickb
Hitler confirms invasion of the Sudetenland for 'footballing reasons' 2
Alan Sundry 07.06.12 8:24pm
nickb
Psittaphobic Chinaman has cleft palate 1
cinquecento 07.06.12 8:23pm
nickb
Queen ‘As Fit As Kate Middleton’

As celebrations for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee took place in all parts of the Uk over the bank holiday weekend, politicians and famous people have queued up to pay tribute to our monarch. David...

0
Mark Gregory 07.06.12 6:55pm
Mark Gregory
PM in Merkel gaffe storm

Latest: PM David Cameron was caught in a diplomatic storm after his latest round of Euro-crisis summitry with German Chancellor Merkel, when overheard muttering 'Two World Wars and one common...

0
Miss Hegas 07.06.12 6:25pm
Miss Hegas
Austerity Cuts See An Am-A-Drama Ding-Dong At The BBC

During these past two years we've all become accustomed to the concept of "Austerity Britain" and nowhere are the cuts biting harder and deeper than at the BBC. Budgets have been trimmed back so...

0
Duff 07.06.12 6:11pm
Duff
'Lease this pub' now the most popular pub name survey reveals

A comprehensive survey of pub names has revealed the changing face of British pubs. The Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) survey has showed how a whole host of new names has burst on the scene,...

5
Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 5:01pm
Gerontius
MOD shocked at sponsorship deals for the British Army

Following a series of cuts and funding problems the MOD was shocked today to find some of the oldest regiments are being merged and sponsored. From November this year - The Gordon Highlanders will...

0
Mart1054 07.06.12 5:00pm
Mart1054
Ray Bradbury to be buried on monday

a joke so obscure I've only put it up to tease...

2
Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 4:25pm
RickH
The real Nick Clegg found washed up on a beach in Oregon

It has been confirmed that a man who was found washed up on an Oregon beach is the real Nick Clegg. The leader of the Liberal Democrats disappeared just over two years ago in a Tsunami of public...

0
Not Amused 07.06.12 4:00pm
Not Amused
Weather and River Event Spoil BBC Presenter Jamboree

Weather and River Event Spoil BBC Presenter Jamboree - 'But we are proud of what we achieved' say BBC. A once in a lifetime opportunity for BBC presenters to massage their egos, celebrate their...

2
l0w 07.06.12 1:32pm
Gerontius
Researchers invite you to meat the veg.

A team of researchers at the University of Hertfordshire have finally succeeded in creating the world's first meat based vegetables. The project was undertaken as a means to combat food shortages...

1
wallster 07.06.12 1:27pm
Gerontius
Rio Ferdinand left out of drug tests for not turning up reasons 0
ronseal 07.06.12 12:50pm
ronseal
Malaysians admit they meant to buy Battersea dogs home 1
Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 12:22pm
daneade
Sensation as Queen harnesses Jubilee fever to stand for election

Buoyed by a wave of patriotic fervour, an invigorated Queen has seized the moment and announced that she will throw her crown into the ring and stand for election as Head of State in order to silence...

3
Stan 07.06.12 11:36am
Duff
Semantic fundamentalist researchers successfully split infinitive. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 07.06.12 11:21am
dominic_mcg
Future editions of The Guardian to end all paragraphs with "Whatever." 0
Textbook 07.06.12 11:15am
Textbook
New Jeans Test For Foetuses Divides Fashion Community

The fashion community is today divided following the announcement of a new test that has been developed and can be applied to unborn foetuses; one that will enable designers to see just how good, or...

0
Duff 07.06.12 9:17am
Duff
Murray blames poor form on the change from Scot to Brit ahead of Wimbledon

"It happens every year. I can feel my whole body changing, like some sort of werewolf. It really does ruin my gameplan," Murray told reporters. "It feels like I've had some sort of personality...

2
Scroat 07.06.12 9:06am
dvo4fun