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Whistleblowers’ hotline closed as workers complain of tinnitus 0
De-scribe 3 years
HMS Victory to be bought out of retirement and pressed back into full service. 6
Stan Laurel 3 years

The ramifications of Monday's Strategic Defence Review became clearer yesterday with the news that HMS Victory, Nelson’s flagship in the Battle of Trafalgar, is to be press-ganged back into active...
Astronomy limited by failure to find superlative 12
flyerblade 3 years

Important cutting-edge work into solving the mysteries of the origin of the universe has ground to a halt. It has been revealed that construction of a new telescope in Chile, larger than the current...
"TITS FIRST" rule can be abandoned according to Eharmony website... 1
Rowly 3 years

They claim to make sure that couples are so closely matched, that they can fore-go some the customary elements of Foreplay & just get on with it...
Sacking of Carthage was unfair, rules Tribunal 3
De-scribe 3 years

An Employment Tribunal sitting in Ashford, Kent has ruled that the sacking of the ancient city of Carthage at the end of the Third Punic War in 146 BC was unlawful. Upholding the unfair dismissal...
Angry Birds Twitter account suspended due to fowl language Tweets 0
flyerblade 3 years

Tweets from recently famous teen avian cock band "The Angry Birds" have resulted in suspension of their account at the widely used life-monotony broadcasting site, Twitter. A spokeshen for Twitter...
'Casino manager baffled as house winner offers to share winnings’ 0
YO 3 years

The notorious manager of a prestigious gambling establishment in Las Vegas was bewildered when he was faced with an offer to share the proceeds of the house winner late on Saturday night. The lucky...
Spending review hits 2012 Olympics as medals replaced with teasmades 0
ianslat 3 years

Olympics minister Jeremy Hunt today confirmed that in the wake of yesterday’s spending review Olympic medals would be replaced with cheaper alternative prizes. ‘Money’s already tight’ he...
New Kindle offer includes Time travel feature. "order now for mid Sept delivery" 0
Rowly 3 years

It's True, Advert on top of the Newsbiscuit home page!!!, says Order now for Mid Sept delivery, I wondered what that parcel was!! "I didn't order nuffin, yet!"...
Real reason for Rooney leaving revealed. 2
Highwayman 3 years

Talking to disgruntled supporters who blame the team manager for driving their idol, Wayne Rooney, out of the club Alex Ferguson was keen to state that ‘it’s not his fault’. Instead Mr Ferguson...
Predictive text failure results in cricket ground construction project 0
flyerblade 3 years

Government offices are failing to communicate accurately with each other according to police after investigating why three of the countries most well known seaside towns reported their historic...
Security forces in Mexico light biggest spliff in history as marijuana haul lit 0
Basil_B 3 years
Union of Demons and Underworld Maintenance Professionals is shitting itself 2
bonjonelson 3 years

[more soon]...
British American Cancer Co to re-launch Player's Navy Cuts 2
ramblesnake 3 years

What a drag...
Watch Dogs need Watch Dog Watchdog, claims watchdog 0
De-scribe 3 years

WatchDog, the watchdog that oversees the watchdog industry, has ruled that a new watchdog should be created to regulate the Watch Dog industry. It will be known as DogWatch. WatchDog spokesperson...
Irony is out of date say Microsoft, upgrade now to Silicony, it's faster..... 0
Rowly 3 years

In a promotional statement they said that the last time it would be used was, "Ironically, Irony has been with us since just after the stone age, its time to move on"...
Manchester United to be sponsored by Cravendale Dairies. 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Osborne takes responsibility for coalition's 'massive bunch of cuts' 2
dicky37 3 years

"I can't believe this bunch of cuts" said one observer. Another public sector worker agreed they were 'absolute cuts'. A Labour spokesman was quick to respond: "Well, you voted for these cuts, and...
Navy reveal: new, cheaper, heat-seeking missiles have flown south for winter 6
ramblesnake 3 years
Anorexics Operatic Society performance ends in chaos 0
De-scribe 3 years

The Pilsbury Anorexics Operatic Society’s gala opening night performance of Gotterdammerung ended in chaos last night when no-one could tell whether or not the show was over. Audience member Mrs...
French Home Office reveals genital imprint database. 3
Hunter F. Thompson 3 years

Much more, soon, [url=http://www.leparisien.fr/politique/lapsus-hortefeux-defend-le-fichier-des-empreintes-genitales-17-10-2010-1112902.php]Dixit Hortefeux[/url]...
Army personnel cuts to be obtained by sending lots more to Afganistan. 2
Ostsee 3 years
Arthur Scargill seen whistling and skipping down the street in Barnsley 0
arrghgarry 3 years
"Treatment" available in Zurich, claim Thatcher's medical team. 2
Mr.3374 3 years

It's a 'flu jab, honest Maggie...
Two Draughtsman To Settle Dispute by Whoever Draws the Shortest Straw 0
IABP 3 years
Whistleblower exposes ‘ladybirds useful in the garden’ scam 0
ianslat 3 years

An anonymous insect has caused a storm in gardens up and down the country by claiming on the Wikileaks website that despite the universally accepted story that ladybirds eat aphids and thereby...
Limerick about Big Oil's marketing methods 2
Hunter F. Thompson 3 years

You can tell at a cursory glance, That the Right can't get petrol in France,, But in point of fact, Those points on the map, Are where stuffed ballots gave Speedy this chance. ____________,...
Primary school bids to be contingency host of 2012 Olympics 0
simonjmr 3 years

St Stephen's primary school in Reading has today announced that they will be bidding to be a contingency host for the 2012 London Olympics. "We have put together a strong package, outlining that we...
Mark Thatcher Still Trying To Find The Hospital His Mother Is In 4
IABP 3 years
EU to fund French people wanting to emigrate to the real world. 4
Ostsee 3 years