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M&S to stop randomising pre-packed salad ingredients

Marks and Spencer today announced that they will stop randomising the ingredients of their pre-packed salads. The Head of Pre-Packed Salads, Don Mar, said that this would mean the end of salads such...

John Wiltshire 28.03.13 3:34pm
John Wiltshire
SA PM confirms Oscar Pistorius will not lead gun salute at Mandela funeral 0
custard cream 28.03.13 3:12pm
custard cream
Liam Byrne appointed new head of Cyprus bank

Former Treasury Secretary Liam Byrne was today appointed head of banking in Cyprus. In an interview, he said: 'Something needs to be done rapidly and urgently, otherwise it will be too late for me...

John Wiltshire 28.03.13 1:55pm
John Wiltshire
Oscar Pistorius allowed to go abroad to compete in 12-bore rifle competition

A South African court today cleared Oscar Pistorius to travel abroad to take part in shooting competitions. In his ruling, Judge C Nile said: 'I thought he did running, but apparently he wants to...

John Wiltshire 28.03.13 1:45pm
John Wiltshire
Adele 'embarrassed and ashamed' at lack of wardrobe malfunction

Top female singer Adele said today that she was 'embarrassed and ashamed' that she has not had a wardrobe malfunction at any of her appearances, but has instead relied on her ability to sing. In an...

John Wiltshire 28.03.13 1:38pm
John Wiltshire
Stones to play Glas-Stannah-bury... 3
Tripod 28.03.13 12:36pm
Midfield Diamond
Gullibility meter ‘set for Spring launch’, says Apple...

The new device, to be worn on the wrist, will monitor the user’s susceptibility to hi-tech wizardry and their willingness to hand over hard-earned cash for every new gadget that comes on the market...

Tripod 28.03.13 12:30pm
2013th anniversary of Jesus getting banged up for crimes he never done

The 2013th anniversary of Jesus of Nazareth getting banged up for a crime he didn't do is to be marked with massive sales of confectionary that is so appalling that the EC refuses to recognise it as...

ronseal 28.03.13 12:25pm
David Milliband leaves politics to spend LESS time with his family. 2
Ian Searle 28.03.13 11:01am
Sports News: Boxing: Webber to Retyre after China

more soon....

BewsNiscuit 28.03.13 10:56am
Boat race wild card for University of Wolverhampton

With no history of competitive rowing, Wolverhampton are an outside shot for Sunday's boat race after they won a playing field flattening wild card entry to the prestigious event. Despite having no...

BAJDixon 28.03.13 9:42am
Pope to ask young offenders if they want to be washed 'there' as well 0
Idiot 28.03.13 9:41am
Catholic Church hit by podophilia scandal

Reports of widespread abuse of feet by Catholic priests threatens to engulf the Catholic Church barely two weeks after the election of Pope Francis. And the scandal is expected to reach the Pope...

roybland 28.03.13 9:25am
Pope Francis or Pope Benedict - which is better?

There's only one way to find out. ..FIGHT!...

deskpilot3 28.03.13 9:18am
Taxes to rise for benefit claimants, pensioners, families with children....

students, single parent families, co-habiting couples, over 75's, lesbians, asylum seekers, toddlers, white-van-man, the self employed and chocolate lovers. In a separate move, MPs have voted...

deskpilot3 28.03.13 9:16am
Street cleaners celebrate as Paula Radcliffe stops running

More to follow...

apepper 28.03.13 8:56am
Cyprus hopes to reopen banks in time for the start of the Bank Holiday 1
medici2471 28.03.13 7:22am
Three-way IVF treatment ‘not as good as it sounds’ admits HFEA

Men’s interest in the proposed three-way IVF treatment cooled considerably overnight when it was revealed egg fertilisation would not necessarily include a sex romp with the wife’s sister or one...

Gerontius 28.03.13 12:27am
Greeks slow down the web to prevent run on internet banks.

Unhappy customers retaliate with Trojans...

deskpilot3 28.03.13 12:25am
Poet laureate admits she doesn't have a clue what to put in royal baby poem

As the royal birth draws ever closer, Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy is feeling more and more like a fourth-former with a homework assignment that's never going to get done. For she freely admits...

sydalg 28.03.13 12:24am
Hot cross bun retailer goes into administration after disastrous 2 for 1 offer

Nationwide hot cross bun retailer Hot Cross Bun World has called in the administrators after a disastrous Easter period that saw falling sales and plummeting revenues, putting the future of 160...

ianslat 28.03.13 12:20am
Eurozone Chiefs to steal cuddly toys from children.

In a desperate move to raise more money. A spokesman explained "We estimate that there is around 17 billion Euros worth of teddys and little pandas, monkeys etc in the arms of our little girls right...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 28.03.13 12:19am
Bald kid, 7, “under no illusion about what that trip to Disneyland means”... 11
Tripod 28.03.13 12:19am
Powerpoint accused of killing OHP 3
Ian Searle 27.03.13 11:12pm
Iinnterrrrnnnetttt ssllloooww doowwwnnn bbblllaaammeddd oonnn ccyybbberrr aatack 0
topfotogmw 27.03.13 11:10pm
Optimistic homosexual sees arse half full

Lowering the tone since 1843 ....

Yikes 27.03.13 11:00pm
Paddy Berzinski
Paula Radcliffe retires: “Now, if I shit in the street, it’s just for fun"... 2
Tripod 27.03.13 10:59pm
J Vine
Leading Mastectomy Surgeon Struck Off had Tanks for the Mammaries 0
Big Ben 27.03.13 9:36pm
Big Ben
Man attacks woman he met in real world 1
Dumbnews 27.03.13 9:27pm
Big Ben
Leaking News : Great Gravy Train Robber pisses pants at funeral.

A retired replacement driver was recently spotted by train spotters at a funeral of one of the apparently "Great Train Robbers" with what appeared to be dried gravy granules in his underpants, his...

Tess Goes 27.03.13 9:17pm
Big Ben