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Evidence that soap star Roache has lived up to his name 0
topfotogmw 01.05.13 8:59pm
topfotogmw
'Dutch Roundabouts an Abomination' says Mary Whitehouse.

The news that London will 'road test' Dutch roundabout systems has evoked outrage from Mary Whitehouse, daughter of famous prude, Mary Whitehouse. Interviewed earlier today, the spinster do-gooder...

2
No Beard 01.05.13 6:33pm
Skylarking
Google to launch rival to the Large Hadron Collider

Google announced today that they will be launching their own version of the Large Hadron Collider later in the year. A spokesman said: 'Like all our versions of other people's ideas, it won't look...

1
John Wiltshire 01.05.13 6:28pm
Skylarking
Why do white people love to call each other the R word, asks Reginald D Hunter

Nervous liberal minded whites have been "doing a reginald" and started calling themselves taboo names, in a bid to rid the perjorative terms of their hurtful meaning. Pasty faced caucasians,...

0
ronseal 01.05.13 5:57pm
ronseal
"Coronation Street" To Be Renamed "Gropecunt Lane" 0
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 01.05.13 5:22pm
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
Barnet fans ‘disappointed’ that EU neonicotinoid ban came too late to save Bees

Supporters of Barnet Football Club, whose nickname is the Bees, have criticised the European Commission for taking too long to ban neonicotinoids. Fifteen countries recently voted in favour of a ban...

3
Midfield Diamond 01.05.13 5:08pm
Midfield Diamond
Davvid Icke's sense of reality to be fitted with GPS tag

Scientists are planning to fit David Icke's grasp of what is real with a GPS tag to discover if it ever approaches planet Earth. "It is unlikely to get closer than several million miles.", explained...

0
apepper 01.05.13 4:54pm
apepper
Dementia patients to be loaded with Angry Birds

In a controversial move by Sussex authorities, the elderly are to be loaded with popular phone games Angry Birds and Candy Crush to make them less boring. The latest move follows the recent...

0
monkeyrepublic 01.05.13 4:03pm
monkeyrepublic
NRA stands firm on America's right to use neonicotinoids

The NRA in America has reacted strongly to the European ban on neonicotinoids. "It is the God-given right of every American" said their speaker George W Fahrenheit XI, "to kill bees by any means...

0
blacklesbianandproudofit 01.05.13 3:38pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Man Says . . . . / . . ; Morse Soon

(Completely ripped off from Sinnick. So blame him.) In order to be even remotely funny - or at least satirical - probably needs to be expanded, perhaps to something like 'Isle of Wight...

1
Titus 01.05.13 3:20pm
Sinnick
Privatised "Nudge Unit" renamed "Nudge Nudge Wink Wink Unit"

Say no more...

0
olddoc 01.05.13 3:09pm
olddoc
New UKIP scandal as candidate accused of giving Vulcan salute

They deny having Klingon tendencies...

0
Ian Searle 01.05.13 2:24pm
Ian Searle
BBC Newsreader's criminal past "mere Alagiahtions" says spokesman 0
Drylaw 01.05.13 2:17pm
Drylaw
Optimistic memorabilia collector auctions Jimmy The Hoover autograph. 0
sredni vashta 01.05.13 2:12pm
sredni vashta
Police wrap up historic abuse probe - moving on to 'classic & legendary' phase 1
Idiot 01.05.13 2:03pm
Wrenfoe
Soccer

Soccer fans queue up to remind Mourinho that he is most loved in Somalia, Afghanistan, the Moon etc etc more soon...

1
spa99ers 01.05.13 2:01pm
Wrenfoe
Ball-bearing to communicate with life in outer space…

Scientists at Durham University are planning to launch a ball bearing into space, with hope it might reach potential life outside of our solar system. The plan is to inscribe the ball bearing with...

0
McKenzie 01.05.13 1:30pm
McKenzie
Glasgow Man on trampoline tries to down an Airbus A320. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 01.05.13 12:19pm
Al OPecia
Michael Fish apologises to NASA after Saturn hurricane fiasco

Freelance weatherman, Michael Fish, issued an unreserved apology to NASA this morning after their $28b Cassini spacecraft was badly damaged in a Saturn hurricane. Fish, who had predicted Saturn...

0
Lenny Bee 01.05.13 11:48am
Lenny Bee
Ron Atkinson discovered working as a Reginald D Hunter tribute act 4
ronseal 01.05.13 10:23am
Lenny Bee
Householders terrified as ghost keeps returning, looking for his bloody keys

A family is living in fear of a ghost who has been constantly returning to their house, looking for his bloody keys. Though initially benevolent, the spectre has become increasingly irritable. In one...

2
ronseal 01.05.13 10:19am
Lenny Bee
Ministers 'must work harder' for foie gras

In move that will upset Human Rights activists, Britain’s prisoners insist that Coalition Ministers must start to work harder for their privileges. From November, Ministers must "actively earn...

5
Wrenfoe 01.05.13 9:32am
Wrenfoe
Land of the Blind's One-Eyed King finally allows guide dogs on roller coaster 0
McKenzie 01.05.13 8:19am
McKenzie
Cameron goes multi cultural with a walk about among some non-Etonians

David Cameron has proved his critics wrong with a successful walkabout among the non-Etonian community. The prime minister was seen talking to people, joking and appeared to be enjoying himself....

1
ronseal 01.05.13 7:47am
ゴルゴ13
Farage defends UKIP candidate A Hitler's nazi salute as a 'misunderstanding'

UKIP leader Nigel Farage was quick to defend the party's Basildon candidate, Alan Hitler, when pictures of him seemingly giving a nazi salute and invading Poland were published. 'This is absolutely...

1
John Wiltshire 01.05.13 7:38am
ゴルゴ13
ITV criticised for breaking off in the middle of a...

More on that story right after the next break...

0
Ian Searle 01.05.13 5:51am
Ian Searle
Survival expert shocked to learn of man going three years without a smartphone 0
Dumbnews 01.05.13 5:30am
Dumbnews
Dr. Phil goes undercover to expose the rise in quack pop psychologist TV hosts 0
Dumbnews 01.05.13 5:07am
Dumbnews
Channel 5 documentary maker celebrates meeting yet another impossible deadline

An astonishing run of luck has seen a Channel 5 documentary maker record his 100th successful programme, despite constantly being up against an impossible deadline, in life or death conditions in...

0
ronseal 01.05.13 4:25am
ronseal
Miliband to receive BAFTA for Inner Monologue

David Miliband will receive a special award for outstanding achievement in “biting your own tongue” at this year's TV BAFTAs, organisers have announced. David’s contribution, to the long...

3
Wrenfoe 30.04.13 11:07pm
Squudge