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Starship captain suprised by paradise planet without a dark secret

Captain Flash Galagin of the space ship Endeavour expressed shock after his ship's visit to the planet Eden Thirty, as he was bewildered to find that everything on the planet was in fact exactly as...

Bigglesworth 04.01.14 6:05pm
Environment Agency: Weather news warning upgraded to 'Tiresome' 1
jp1885 04.01.14 5:49pm
Looe not flushed

More later...

virtuallywill 04.01.14 5:37pm
2013 Has Had ‘It’s Ups and It’s Downs’ Shock Report Reveals

In perhaps the most unprecedented news story of the year, Jane Andrews from Wigan, 33, has described 2013 has being a year of ‘Ups and Downs’. A statement released by Jane has shocked and...

Rowan van den Berg 04.01.14 5:35pm
SeaWorld Delighted to Win 'Happiest Whales' Competition for 75th Year Running

Family fun giants SeaWorld are 'absolutely amazed' to win the coveted 'Happiest Whales 2013' competition, as voted for by the public. They received staunch competition from such attractions as 'The...

Rowan van den Berg 04.01.14 3:34pm
Rowan van den Berg
Google launches ‘festive withdrawal’ in London offices

Google has launched a new year initiative to ease their London employees back into work after the Christmas break. After an extended period of eating, drinking and arguing, they aim to lure people...

Plot126 04.01.14 2:01pm
Bulgarians & Rumanians Flood To Britain To Get Their Cars Washed Cheap By Poles 1
Titus 04.01.14 12:41pm
N Korean efficiency drive sees repeal of 'licked to death by kittens' sentencing 2
pere floza 04.01.14 11:52am
Latest smartphone boasts more features you'll never use 0
Dumbnews 04.01.14 5:51am
Food Standards Agency Warning: Mincement may contain Kim Jong Un's Uncle. 0
Al OPecia 04.01.14 12:40am
Al OPecia
Hilarious man makes 'only 50 weeks until Christmas' joke

Renowned office funnyman Peter Hamilton has helped chase away the January blues by making his annual 'only 50 weeks until Christmas' joke, reports revealed earlier today. Blessed with a sharp wit...

David K 03.01.14 11:12pm
Aberystwyth declared much nicer after 60 min makeover 0
irreverendJ 03.01.14 10:59pm
Ice-breaker sent to save ice-breaker sent to rescue ice-breaker sent to ...

Many more soon...

Sinnick 03.01.14 10:34pm
Fatarsed Nazi Griffin declared as "Rump bank" 0
antharrison 03.01.14 10:21pm
Cheshire couple celebrate record "Dryuanry" abstinence with a few whiskies

Blasting their previous record into insignificance, Cheshire couple Andy and Daphne Harries, announced they had managed to uphold their pledge to not drink any alcohol until their neices's wedding in...

antharrison 03.01.14 10:06pm
Weather presenters ordered to stop humming the theme from Jaws 2
Squudge 03.01.14 9:35pm
sponge finger
Nick Griffin asks "Is it 'cause I is no longer in the blik?" 0
Squudge 03.01.14 9:31pm
Bulgaria & Romania Now Fear Flood Of Immigrant Bankrupt Politicians From The UK 0
Titus 03.01.14 8:26pm
Uni Lads to allow women join 'the banter' by 2018

In a historical break in Uni Lad orthodoxy, women are expected to be allowed join 'the banter' by 2018. The controversial decision, proposed by Uni Lad leader FifaLegend95, said they would review...

David K 03.01.14 6:45pm
David K
Man who killed his twin was trying to commit suicide, says lawyer. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 03.01.14 6:04pm
Isle of Wight to relax rules on “special” herb teas

They have names like ‘Sleepy Time,’ ‘Camomile Calm', and 'Lemon Grass Soother' and yesterday hundreds queued in Shanklin, Ryde and Cowes to buy them legally for the first time. The Isle...

nickb 03.01.14 5:58pm
Cabinet papers reveal Thatcher 'hoarded' biscuits

While reports that the then-PM Margaret Thatcher spent the 80s demonizing mineworkers, the real shock has been the leaked accounts of her unsavoury management of cabinet meetings. Not only did she...

Wrenfoe 03.01.14 5:55pm
Singer P J Proby Condemned For "Rubbish" Edition Of BBC Programme

Hard-of-hearing grandmother Alison Leadbetter has been outspoken in her criticism of a recent guest edition of BBC Radio Four's [i]Today[/i] programme. "Even I know that he's an aged American...

Titus 03.01.14 5:32pm
Home Office introduce £10 charge for committing crimes

The Home Office hope to reduce pressure on the legal system by introducing a £10 charge to commit crimes. Officials hope to discourage the "half-hearted criminal"...

apepper 03.01.14 4:31pm
"Economies must shrink by 7% per year to sustain progress", says economist 0
Dumbnews 03.01.14 3:27pm
Concern for Gary Barlow's ego grows after no TV appearances for 48 hours 0
Plot126 03.01.14 3:01pm
Bulgarian & Romanians can come to help with flood. Cheaper than sandbags, UKIP. 0
MADJEZ 03.01.14 1:35pm
Blackpool prom covered in disgusting effluent. Storm not to blame. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 03.01.14 1:23pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Sudan Sends Relief Aid To Britain Following Storms 0
Titus 03.01.14 1:21pm
Calls For Roof Over Heathrow After Flights Delayed By Rain And Gales 0
Titus 03.01.14 1:17pm