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Westwood burns clubs after open loss. "I have plenty of irons in the fire"

no more soon...

Not Amused 22.07.13 2:21pm
David Cameron blocks all pornography so we can all focus on one vagina 2
AReader 22.07.13 2:07pm
Argentina quietly reclaims the Falklands as Britain celebrates 'baby bollocks'

Argentinian forces have successfully reclaimed the Falkland Islands today with 'absolutely no bother whatsoever', to the complete surprise of British military officials, who admit they were...

Jesus H 22.07.13 2:04pm
Jesus H
Study finds most miserable people very happy inside 0
Dumbnews 22.07.13 1:47pm
Kate's love tunnel to be awarded Royal Warrant 0
cinquecento 22.07.13 1:25pm
Internet users will have to opt in if they want to access royal baby news

PLEASE!!! In a new crackdown spearheaded by David Cameron. Possessing images of mindless speculation and conjecture will also be made a crime. The filter will be automatically enabled for new...

Ian Searle 22.07.13 12:54pm
Ian Searle
Nation celebrates as 'Charles Ears Syndrome' skips another generation

The Royal Family have released a statement to the waiting world today, praising the efforts of medical staff at St Mary's Hospital for their 'attentive and professional care' in recent days, and have...

Jesus H 22.07.13 12:44pm
Jesus H
Breaking news: Kate "baby" reports heard by waiting masses

Royal Obstetricians are hinting that the Royal bump was in fact a record-breaking case of trapped wind, after the Princess' bearing down produced little more than a "sickening fog of rotten eggs and...

D161TAL 22.07.13 12:30pm
Buckingham Palace confirms Milliband is in Labour 6
Scronnyglonkle 22.07.13 12:07pm
Lens Cap
"Cameron cracks off on online pornography."

Sorry, I misread the Grauniad headline. "off" should read "down". Or should it?...

olddoc 22.07.13 11:57am
Feud Standards Agency call urgent meeting with Robbie Williams & Liam Gallagher 1
bonjonelson 22.07.13 11:52am
John Wiltshire
Shane Warne to retire from all forms of mockery

Shane Warne today announced his retirement from being the sports world's laughing stock. At a press conference today, attended by a couple of journalists form The Guardian who are too left wing to...

John Wiltshire 22.07.13 11:51am
John Wiltshire
Royal Gynaecologist to check Regina 0
Sinnick 22.07.13 11:20am
Royal gynaecologist relieved of duties after Regina joke considered poor taste 1
topfotogmw 22.07.13 11:19am
Dickie Arbiter "effectively Head of State" as royals go babe crazy 0
Drylaw 22.07.13 11:13am
Daily Mail headlines getting easier, says Daily Mail

The popular tabloid is reported to be in a state of soul-searching shock today after discovering that its headlines have got progressively simplistic over the past few years, reducing all new events...

sydalg 22.07.13 11:05am
Press excitement as Pippa Middleton's arse arrives at the hospital. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 22.07.13 10:37am
Bonjour! magazine to print photos of Kate breastfeeding. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 22.07.13 10:33am
EU agree to list the Lindo Wing of St Mary's hospital a terrorist organisation. 0
Lens Cap 22.07.13 10:28am
Lens Cap
Guantanamo Detention Camp to be outsourced to Hotel California 0
sydalg 22.07.13 10:27am
Gary Glitter named as Cameron's porn tsar. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 22.07.13 10:25am
Baby’s head sighted! Sorry, false alarm, it was just William Hague on TV... 0
Tripod 22.07.13 10:08am
PM calls for "better" pornography

The Prime Minister has called for higher standards of pornography. He told an industry conference: "All too often it is a matter of grim-looking women who seem to all have been photographed in the...

CulchaVulcha 22.07.13 10:02am
Prodigy baby earns qualification to be head of state, i.e. birth certificate 0
sydalg 22.07.13 9:56am
Alan Titchmarsh and Alistair Darling rushed in to 'bore the Royal baby out'

After baffled doctors recently likened Kate Middleton's gestation period to that of a giraffe, an impatient Prince William has enlisted the services of ex-chancellor Alastair Darling and gardening...

Jesus H 22.07.13 9:20am
Jesus H
Daily Mail Announced Imminent Arrival of the Reincarnation of Diana

Royal Baby watchers and assorted pregnancy experts at the Daily Mail announced that they have conclusive proof that Will and Kate's baby will the reincarnation of Diana. Indeed regardless of sex of...

ionb 22.07.13 9:00am
Duchess of Cambridge goes into labour after being lobbied by Lynton Crosby

(more later)...

Wrenfoe 22.07.13 9:00am
Golf fans cause unrest outside royal hospital, shouting 'get outta the hole' 0
exigo 22.07.13 8:54am
Government "all out" of bad news to bury

Red-faced Government officials have claimed that they're all out of bad news to bury during the royal baby media frenzy. A spokesperson for the Prime Minister said: "Unfortunately we've not been...

andrewl81 22.07.13 8:41am
Baby to be named Spag Bol after Wills' fave nosh 0
Drylaw 22.07.13 7:58am