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Norwegian curling team suspected of ball tampering

The extreme housework ice discipline of curling was rocked by controversy today, after accusations that the Norwegians had used illegal trouser tactics....

Kevin the Swan 21.02.14 11:22am
Somerset to be frozen to create curling rinks

Prime Minister David Cameron has today jumped on the Winter Olympic bandwagon to announce an ambitious plan to freeze flood-hit Somerset and turn it into thousands of curling rinks. ‘I’ve always...

ianslat 21.02.14 10:56am
Referendum forces Britain to face prospect of being sh*t at tennis again

The worrying prospect of Britain returning to a status of national tennis shame has topped a list of concerns in the results of an online poll issued to England, Wales and Northern Ireland today,...

Jesus H 21.02.14 10:56am
Midfield Diamond
Birth of 'rare' West African giraffe excites Danish lions

While a Cumbria Zoo has been celebrating the arrival of an animal normally only seen in the wilds of Niger, predators in Copenhagen have been hard pressed to restrain their salivation. Since their...

Wrenfoe 21.02.14 10:49am
Midfield Diamond
Spin Doctors Open New Website for Politicians ‘Not Me .guv’

After the fall of Tony Blair, unemployed spin doctors have clubbed together to form a website full of excuses to be used by politicians in an emergency. Rather than offer simple lies that can be...

Guillermo De Snookio 21.02.14 9:19am
Slante Dangle
Instant Excuses Website for Criminals ‘Search Me . Guv’

This website offers a range of simplistic instant excuses to be used by criminals on arrest, until a better ploy can be worked out with their defence council. Immediate one liners include : It must...

Guillermo De Snookio 21.02.14 8:42am
Guillermo De Snookio
Technology behind driverless cars unable to solve most captchas 0
Dumbnews 21.02.14 6:22am
Blairs advice to Brooks: Do a Hutton

it is the safest way to bury phone records. The way he hid the whereabouts of Kelly by drowning out the questions about his mobile phone tracks is priceless - and with the current floods you get away...

4ty2 21.02.14 6:08am
Salmond fights back against dictionary definition of the word ‘independence’

Alex Salmond has stated that he will not be bullied by the “anti-Scottish” Oxford English Dictionary with their "overtly English" definition of the word 'independence'. “Under my definition of...

Slante Dangle 21.02.14 12:30am
Slante Dangle
UK police amazed as forensic scientist slays ruthless gang of criminals

Detective Allan Johnson of the West Midlands Police expressed his force's gratitude today to Perry Barr Forensic Scientist Warwick Stokes who, after using advanced scientific insect analysis to...

blacklesbianandproudofit 20.02.14 11:35pm
Lib Dem front bench "wettest on record" 0
DorsetBoy 20.02.14 10:41pm
Bristol's wobbling, says spokesperson Mr. Benny Hill. 0
Maverick 20.02.14 10:21pm
Malt extract video goes Virol 0
Smart Alex 20.02.14 9:56pm
Smart Alex
Demand for erotic fiction makes 2013 'wettest on record' 0
Underconstruction 20.02.14 9:28pm
Bondage Society admits inaction: "Our hands are tied" 0
DorsetBoy 20.02.14 8:51pm
Scottish ex-hairdresser admits being "shit at curling" 0
Underconstruction 20.02.14 8:27pm
Salmond plays down talk of future Kingship

Standing at the mantelpiece in the great hall of his residence at Scone, the Scottish leader Mr Salmond refused to be drawn on suggestions that once Scotland was free from the English yoke, he would...

blacklesbianandproudofit 20.02.14 7:58pm
Met Police on exchange visit to Ukraine show how it's done

World War Three soon...

vulture1 20.02.14 6:48pm
Brooks: admits speaking evil; denies seeing or hearing evil. 0
Ref Minor 20.02.14 6:15pm
Ref Minor
Old blues guitarist who employed extinct bird claims, "Got My Dodo Working"

(gets coat)...

Smart Alex 20.02.14 6:12pm
Smart Alex
Salmond Swimming Against the Currency

Scotland’s First Minister is heading upstream to die. In the more remote areas of the country, he will spawn a multitude of new ideas that may never make it to the Sargasso Sea...

Guillermo De Snookio 20.02.14 5:26pm
Cameron Returns from Trip to Influence the Floating Voter

Whilst some thought he was on the level, others tried to eggim on to get subs for those in difficulties. Unlike Lord Smith of Dredgemoor he did at least wear wellies, on his visits...

Guillermo De Snookio 20.02.14 5:26pm
Guillermo De Snookio
First floods, now earthquakes, West Country on standby for a plague of frogs. 3
Ian Searle 20.02.14 5:15pm
sponge finger
Danish giraffes advise English cousin to "keep a low profile" 0
sydalg 20.02.14 5:03pm
TV’s Handy Andy now just plain Andy

The wife of ‘Handy Andy’, DIY expert in popular BBC show Changing Rooms, has revealed people should refer to her husband as just Andy, since it’s 'far more factually correct'. Long-suffering...

dicky37 20.02.14 5:00pm
Passenger suffers terminal illness in airport. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.02.14 4:28pm
Blair to Brooks - 'Say Milly Dowler had WMD' 3
electrelane 20.02.14 3:31pm
Channel 5 immigration debate ends in consensus

Channel 5's 'The Big British Immigration Row' has resolved the issue of immigration to everyone's satisfaction. After a robust discussion, participants compiled a list of appropriate actions in...

Adrian Bamforth 20.02.14 2:53pm
NB admin to close self aggrandisement loop hole - 23

NB administrators have warned contributors that in future they will have just two opportunities to bump their own subs before being blocked from responding to comments left by fellow contributors.,...

Gerontius 20.02.14 2:44pm
Ex-pat Connery clashes with ex-pat Bowie over Scotland vote

Equally as relevant...

Coco 20.02.14 2:38pm
Kevin the Swan