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Branson throws his teddy out and takes train set home 0
Alfred Noakes 16.08.12 9:12pm
Alfred Noakes
Aberdeen hospital staff 'satisfactory' after latest bout of Prince Philip

Aberdeen Royal Infirmary doctors and nursing staff were coping well last night with the latest admission of HRH Prince Philip. A spokesman said: "Bad manners, xenophobia and general grumpyness are...

1
Scroat 16.08.12 8:09pm
arthurminnit
Experts stumped by man with rocket embedded in brain

Britain's greatest experts have admitted they're struggling to cope by a patient who has a live rocket embedded in his brain. "It's rocket science [i]and[/i] brain surgery.", explained one expert....

1
apepper 16.08.12 8:07pm
arthurminnit
Assange Asylum move 'good news for borderline sex cases'

Britain’s thousands of bicycle-sniffers, dubious scout leaders and plain wrong ‘uns were celebrating today, having learnt that they are to be reclassified as political dissidents. The legal move...

0
ricky33 16.08.12 7:27pm
ricky33
lottery winners to buy rail ticket

More to follow...

4
apepper 16.08.12 7:24pm
tedweasel
Ecuador asylum decision lunatic, fumes Hague 0
custard cream 16.08.12 6:17pm
custard cream
Olympic gold winner Farah has trousers named after him 0
custard cream 16.08.12 6:14pm
custard cream
New high street bank forbidden to use sort code "36-24-36"

Southern, the new high street Bank has protested at claims its intended sort code "gives banking the wrong image". A spokesperson for the Financial Services Authority, willowy redhead Marsha Smith...

0
nickb 16.08.12 6:04pm
nickb
Gove "concerned" about increase in ugly girls' A level success

The Education Secretary told the Daily Telegraph he was "concerned" by the increase in examination success at A level by "homely-looking" girls from state schools. "Time was when we could depend on...

0
nickb 16.08.12 5:49pm
nickb
William Hague to block Assange's passage. 0
Zen 16.08.12 5:32pm
Zen
"What do you do?" Prince Philip asks his doctor 1
custard cream 16.08.12 5:17pm
BAJDixon
Ambassador 'believed Assange to be the late John Inman'

A source has revealed that Ecuador's reluctance to release serial leaker and alleged sex fiend Julian Assange into police custody was due to an erroneous understanding that their embassy guest was...

0
BAJDixon 16.08.12 5:15pm
BAJDixon
Shock news: At least 900 'Locked in Syndrome' sufferers in Wormwood Scrubs alone

more later...

0
dvo4fun 16.08.12 4:29pm
dvo4fun
BBC3 to air 14 hour test card marathon every day 0
simonjmr 16.08.12 3:52pm
simonjmr
Farah celebrates long running slacks success. 0
button 16.08.12 3:30pm
button
Government urges Camelot to produce thinner lottery winners

Statistics produced by Camelot show that fat couples in council houses are more likely to win the lottery, leading to speculation that the National Lottery is weighted towards the overweight. "It's...

0
nickb 16.08.12 3:20pm
nickb
Parents mixed feelings as 'A' Level shag fest offers go unconditional 0
medici2471 16.08.12 2:28pm
medici2471
Ecuador grants Assange asylum

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01467/sas_1467122c.jpg...

0
medici2471 16.08.12 2:10pm
medici2471
Dave Plonkerman Does It Again!

This time he helps a Mr Blancmange to a life-long stay in a South American embassy in London. Dave Plonkerman, this is your strife!...

0
Jesse Bigg 16.08.12 2:09pm
Jesse Bigg
Mystery of NASA dead cat unsolved

The death of Tiddles, NASA's much loved pet cat still remains unsolved. She was found partially squashed at the Space Lab at Cape Canaveral in November 2011 close to a testing site. A post mortem...

0
nickb 16.08.12 12:37pm
nickb
Andy Murray reverts to being Scottish after A-level results.

Was this the joke?...

1
bonjonelson 16.08.12 12:14pm
button
Usain ‘disappointed’ as golden Wenlock sells for £3.27 on e-Bay 0
Midfield Diamond 16.08.12 12:06pm
Midfield Diamond
GB Space agency confident a converted Rover 400 can be put on Mars within years

"If not a Rover 400 then at least a silver 1995 Montego" said Derek Hawkwind of the GB Space Agency More soon...

0
simonjmr 16.08.12 11:48am
simonjmr
2012's students fail to jump as high

‎2012 shows a 0.4% decline in the height jumped by celebrating A-Level students when posing for newspaper photographers. Most students jumped 26.6% of their body height, down from 27% last year....

0
Mother 16.08.12 11:08am
Mother
Hotel chain admits " We don't care for the environment"

Leading hotel chain Premier Lodge Inns has admitted that its little cards in the bathroom urging guests to re-use towels have eff all to do with environmental concerns and everything to do with...

1
weeb52 16.08.12 10:45am
medici2471
Disillusioned Branson returns to his roots.

The Virgin empire's bearded boss is to chuck in the towel following his disappointment over losing the West Coast Main Line bid. Now penniless, he plans to spend the remainder of his days selling cut...

0
Boutros 16.08.12 9:38am
Boutros
it's the vinyl revival! Selling LPs by mail-order nets billions for entrepreneur

In the backlash against all things digital, the 12" record has made a surprising renaissance. Companies set to cash in are those who are geared up to sell LPs by mail order. Ageing entrepreneur...

0
Boutros 16.08.12 9:37am
Boutros
FOOTBALL CRAZY!

In an unprecendented show of loyalty to his team Manchester City, Premier League winning football boss Roberto Mancini has started a trend by announcing on the club’s website he is changing his...

1
Reg Herring 16.08.12 9:04am
Mr Target
Paralympic row as "quadrapedic" athlete is horse

A row has broken out over the banning of distance runner Mo Stang from the Paralympic games. Officials have been concerned about Mr Stang for some time, a spokesman explained: "We had heard rumours...

5
apepper 16.08.12 8:34am
apepper
Leeds speedophile caught Peeking

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-19260859...

4
charlies_hat 16.08.12 8:14am
godly1966