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Government introduce air hose ban

Garages across Britain are being instructed to disable their air hose systems as a reaction to the lack of dry weather. The government hasn't ruled out rationing, with people being restricted to only...

apepper 22.12.12 11:20pm
Falklands to be renamed "Nyah nyah ne-nyah nyah Islands"

Despite mounting anger from Argentina, after a part of Antartica was named after the Queen this week, it has been announced that the Falklands are to be renamed the "Nyah nyah ne-nyah nyah Islands"....

Squudge 22.12.12 8:48pm
custard cream
Police advise people not to travel west of Taunton. Not because of the weather. 1
dominic_mcg 22.12.12 8:47pm
custard cream
Move along - nothing to see here 0
Smart Alex 22.12.12 7:44pm
Smart Alex
Cameron caves in to Mitchell pressure on ‘Plebgate’

As a result of Andrew Mitchell constantly telephoning and texting David Cameron and calling him a ‘fucking posh boy’ who should know his place at least 250 times a day, the Prime Minister has...

Reg Herring 22.12.12 7:29pm
Reg Herring
Turkey spokesman calls for urgent bilateral talks 0
cinquecento 22.12.12 7:16pm
"Somewhere else" most popular place to live in Britain

A building society has confirmed most people's view that "somewhere else" is the most desirable place in the UK...

apepper 22.12.12 6:49pm
RMT claim rain disruption on train network 'proves God is a socialist'

General Secretary of the RMT union, Bob Crow, has today claimed that all of the current disruption on Britain’s rail network is ‘conclusive proof’ that God is a socialist. Industrial action...

Perks 22.12.12 3:56pm
Flat 4, Trenton Villas named ‘Britain’s most desirable place to live’

A two-bedroom flat on the outskirts of Luton is the best place to live in Britain, according to an estate agent at the Halifax. The third storey property, which features asbestos and cardboard, saw...

22.12.12 3:50pm
Norovirus Christmas Recipe Book

1. Thin minestrone soup Drink a vegetable cup-a-soup., Quickly chew one level tablespoon of Heinz spaghetti in tomato sauce., Drink one pint of lukewarm water., Wait 30 seconds. 2. Christmas...

antharrison 22.12.12 2:03pm
"Terrified" RBS customers forced at knife point to use pay-in envelopes 0
Drylaw 22.12.12 1:53pm
UK to celebrate end of Royal jubilee year with Christmas day street parties

With unprecedated levels of rainfall predicted over the Christmas period, Buckingham Palace has urged britons to celebrate the end of the Royal jubilee year with street parties and parades. Her...

antharrison 22.12.12 1:43pm
Gene Hackman to play Pete Waterman in Hollywood remake of The Hitman and Her

Hollywood actor Gene Hackman has been confirmed in the lead role in the big-budget remake of British TV Show 'The Hitman and Her'. Although it has not been confirmed yet, we have been told that Liv...

bonjonelson 22.12.12 11:44am
UK agrees to re-name Queen Elizabeth Land "Up Yours Argies, Land". More soon. 1
Al OPecia 22.12.12 11:25am
‘We should never have called them schools,’ says NRA president

The National Rifle Association has broken its silence over the Sandy Hook school shootings, stating that the problem lies with people mistakenly believing that schools are for the peaceful education...

DustyBinLaden 22.12.12 11:23am
Xhosa dating site celebrates success as 99% of couples click

.., .., just a little linguistics joke for you...

cinquecento 22.12.12 10:48am
Peter Jaxksin directs Queens speech

Prince Philip plays hobbit to her Frodo...

victimms 22.12.12 10:08am
Riot police advise,d to 'use less force', to buy new equipment

In the wake of criticisms from the Independent Police Complaints Commission of excessive force being used during the G20 demonstrations by riot police, senior force commanders have moved quickly to...

Woundedpride 22.12.12 9:33am
Reindeer warn of gadget delivery problems following collapse of Comet 2
22.12.12 9:32am
Al OPecia
Archbishop Sentamu told to 'put up or shut up'

In fierce reaction to the comments of Archbishop of York John Sentamu, who criticised what he appeared to describe as 'insensitive' cuts to the professional army, the armed forces Minister told him...

Woundedpride 22.12.12 9:25am
Bladder growth recovering well after surgery to remove Thatcher.

Bladder growth recovering well after surgery to remove Thatcher...

olddoc 22.12.12 9:12am
Government announce troll bridges.

Government announce troll bridges...

olddoc 22.12.12 9:07am
Wife objects to spending Christmas with dead mother-in-law

Cathy Gates, a 38-year old part-time housewife from Barnstaple called in Devon and Cornwall Constabulary after her husband Norman brought his dead mother home for Christmas, for the second...

Darkbill 2.0 22.12.12 9:06am
Banker learns everything would be better if he’d never been born

Former Investment Banker, Frank Bailey, was shocked to discover that life for everyone would be much, much better if he had simply never been born. The strange tale is told in Bailey’s new book...

Darkbill 2.0 22.12.12 8:34am
Three Wise Men Inc. may be forced to pay tax on business in Israel

Revelations that the Three Wise Men in Bethlehem, who have brought expensive presents to the baby Jesus and his parents, have paid tax amounting to only three shekels in the past twenty years have...

Woundedpride 22.12.12 7:39am
Fred Talbot's ex pupils report showers with a warm front in lower regions 4
charlies_hat 22.12.12 6:26am
‘Not!’ say Mayans

Mayans who predicted the end of the world yesterday have admitted that they were just ‘fucking with our shit’ for a laugh. There have been earnest predictions by people who claim to understand...

DustyBinLaden 22.12.12 4:41am
Electrician, Baker and comedian share a Current Pun.

It's gonna be a long night...

Perks 22.12.12 12:13am
Thatcher has growth removed; Scargill leaves flat 1
Sinnick 21.12.12 10:50pm
Queen: We will, We will rock you 0
Bourbon 21.12.12 10:39pm