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God admits bidding process for Life on Earth was ‘fundamentally flawed’

God will re-run the bidding process for the ‘Life in our Solar System’ franchise after a successful legal challenge by Martian Aliens found serious flaws in the Earth’s original business case....

Mandy Lifeboat 05.10.12 2:33pm
Mandy Lifeboat
BBC unveils new show ‘Strictly Come Noncing’

The BBC has announced plans for a brand new show next autumn, ‘Strictly Come Noncing.’ Set in a well known maximum security prison on the Isle of Wight, celebrities will be put through the grind...

Dick Everyman 05.10.12 12:53pm
Dick Everyman
Leyton Orient could go through 're-branding exercise'

Barry Hearn, owner of Leyton Orient FC has not ruled out changing the club's name if it moves to the Olympic Stadium., Suggested alternatives so far are The Orient Stratford Takeaway, Leyton Hewitt,...

philthefunk 05.10.12 12:39pm
"Zombie Jimmy Saville fucked my fireplace," claims postmistress

Police in North Yorkshire are investigating claims that the late Jimmy Saville has risen from the grave and is now indiscriminately molesting anything he can get his putrified hands on. In a public...

jamsieoconnor 05.10.12 11:30am

Tardis. One careful owner. VGC. Clock may have been doctored. OIRO 500,000 Pandaks...

Scroat 05.10.12 11:19am
'Odd' IT Manager accused of being a PDF File. 4
riesler 05.10.12 11:06am
French beekeepers cross bees, Bernard Manning and Ben Dover - create blue honey 0
simonjmr 05.10.12 10:52am
Riot police helpless in face of angry, non-confrontational mob

Truncheon-wielding riot police in full body armour were left disoriented and confused in Birmingham yesterday as they attempted to control an obviously angry, but non-confrontational crowd who...

Re Pete 05.10.12 10:14am
Woman, now 39, rescued from compartment in Jim'll Fix It Chair 0
cinquecento 05.10.12 10:07am
Scarborough pulps 2013 tourist brochures following grave desecration...

Sally Hunter, Tourism Officer for the scruffy North Yorkshire resort, admitted that promoting Scarborough as the last resting place of Jimmy Savile now seemed an ill-judged strategy. “We’ve...

Tripod 05.10.12 9:32am
BBC's Off Payroll Taxation loophole shocks MP's

because they wish they'd thought of it...

philthefunk 05.10.12 9:28am
Spain protests against introduction of controversial ‘day-shift’ working

Spain’s major cities awoke to a series of protests yesterday evening following the announcement that controversial Nordic-style day-shift working was to be introduced in an attempt to enable Spain...

Des Custard 05.10.12 9:11am
Midfield Diamond
Boxer who has come out reported to be 'as pleased as punch' 0
philthefunk 05.10.12 9:10am
Baywatch star buys discounted toupee of exceptional quality

Neat-O, last gasp effort

charlies_hat 05.10.12 9:07am
Biologists working on inherited traits discover that...

if your parents didn't have children, then it's unlikely that you'll have children either...

Smart Alex 05.10.12 8:16am
Ventriloquist secret of Party Leaders’ autocue free speeches

Top ventriloquist, Alan Reeder, has blown the whistle on our party leaders’ note free speeches by revealing that he is, quite literally, the voice behind David Cameron and Ed Miliband. Although...

Stan 05.10.12 8:08am
‘Wiggins effect’ boosts nation’s health...

According to Matt Peters, a surgeon at the Royal National Orthopaedic Hospital, the post-Olympic cycling craze is having a beneficial effect on the nation’s health. “It’s great”, he says,...

Tripod 05.10.12 7:12am
It was a close fought contest and out of 20,000 willing people, Michael Winner

announces Dignitas will help him die...

burnmybridges 05.10.12 1:34am
BBC says their inclusivity policy extends to pedophiles but they draw the.....

BBC says their inclusivity policy extends to pedophiles but they draw the line at women over 50...

george.scofield 04.10.12 11:52pm
Gareth Malone invites 25 sheets of paper to form The Quire 1
Smart Alex 04.10.12 10:07pm
One week only; buy Jerry Dammers, get Terry Hall free. 8
sigmund 04.10.12 10:04pm
Romney wins debate, world shits itself

Not funny. Too scary to be funny...

Miss Hegas 04.10.12 9:59pm
Analsley Harriott
Paedophile ring discovered in Middle-earth 0
Dick Everyman 04.10.12 9:55pm
Dick Everyman
Jack the Rapper 'down on Ho's'

more soon....

Dick Everyman 04.10.12 9:45pm
Dick Everyman
Cub-Scout who ate lunch on rollercoaster says ‘Savile made me do it’

The former chubby Cub-Scout who famously once appeared on Jim’ll Fix-It eating his lunch whilst riding on a rollercoaster has today claimed that he was forced to take part in the stunt against his...

ianslat 04.10.12 9:22pm
Freddie Starr ate my pussy claims 12 Year old....and he sucked my cock!

Comedian, entertainer and 70’s television personality Freddie Starr is today facing serious allegations that he has once again eaten a fury mammal…this time a cat owned by a 12 year old girl from...

Stanleys Dad 04.10.12 8:59pm
Stanleys Dad
BBC admits axeing seventies drama "Six DJ's in Search of an Alibi"

Veteran playwright, Luigi “Ted” Brillo, claimed today that his 1974 dramatic exposé of widespread paedophilia on Top of the Pops was suppressed by a BBC bigwig. “Six DJs in Search of an...

04.10.12 8:14pm
Badger cull license cost fury; "It should be cheaper for black and white"

More to follow...

apepper 04.10.12 7:57pm
Kevin McCloud builds ‘eco shed’ from off-grid, forgotten celebrities

Star of ‘Grand Designs’ Kevin McCloud has released details of his latest venture – a ‘green’ dwelling made from unwanted old celebrities. With so many ex-stars cluttering up press launches...

Nunnion Splendacular 04.10.12 7:03pm
Jeremy Forrest to be extradited after judge agrees he is not a famous director 3
Duncan Biscuit 04.10.12 6:49pm