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Newly discovered "Super cave system" linked to pot-hole on A34. More soon. 0
ianrbland 06.03.12 11:32am
ITV apologises for inarticulate subtleties.

The prohibition is classed by an automobile bleach reconciliation cistern and technicians oar walking on a quack pollution...

Ian Searle 07.03.12 9:06am
Ian Searle
Support rallies around Chris Tappin in "ageing grandfather show of solidarity"

"He can't possibly have done anything wrong - he's an ageing grey haired grandfather. By definition he must be completely innocent of any wrongdoing - I should know!" said Mr. Mugabe, offering his...

ianrbland 06.03.12 2:36pm
South African rugby player sacked for thinking outside the Boks 1
cinquecento 06.03.12 11:28am
Sep Blatter urges Team GB to reconsider avoiding handshakes advice 0
Duncan Biscuit 06.03.12 10:40am
Duncan Biscuit
Eurostar travel misery ‘heartbreaking’ sob tearful UK commuters 0
Duncan Biscuit 06.03.12 10:40am
Duncan Biscuit
MPs ‘looking after their own’ concern as firms paid to employ ex-prisoners 0
Duncan Biscuit 06.03.12 10:39am
Duncan Biscuit
House prices fell in Feb from ‘frankly outrageous’ to ‘scarcely believable’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 06.03.12 10:39am
Duncan Biscuit
New 'DIY Office Balconies' instant hit as Global Warming considered 'trendy'

The UK market leader for DIY products, B&Q, has reported record profits for the current tax year. When questioned on productivity, B&Q's CEO Martyn Phillips, suggested that the popularity of...

theadministrator 06.03.12 12:13pm
Police raid Edinburgh Woollen Mill in hunt for tweedophiles 0
The Nage 06.03.12 8:52am
The Nage
Queen of the Jungle butchered by poachers

Reports are coming in that a pride of gay Lions featured in a recent BBC documentary have been tracked down and slaughtered by a gang of hate fuelled poachers in west Africa., The murdered lions...

Gerontius 06.03.12 8:39am
Adam Werrity seen fleeing Aberdeenshire farm 0
charlies_hat 06.03.12 7:59am
Black community rejoice in the news that Air Ambulances to carry Blood 0
tedweasel 06.03.12 6:55am
Church not singing from same him sheet

More puns to follow...

apepper 06.03.12 6:44am
Dogs complain that their meat is a bit tough and full of lead shot. 0
Ostsee 06.03.12 6:16am
Urinating England star cautioned - "That was never a yellow ref!" 1
kga6 05.03.12 10:54pm
New iPad will be 'the one after iPad 2' says Apple insider

A new iPad expected to be unveiled by Apple in San Francisco on Wednesday is believed to be the one after iPad 2 according to rumours. Months of speculation have built up in anticipation of...

roybland 06.03.12 6:24am
Medvedev sacked as Russian Premier by Roman Abramovich after bad run of results

Who would have thought that the Premier of Russia Dmitry Medvedev would be giving his last press conference last Friday morning. The Premier seemed defensive regarding Russia's poor performance this...

paddyparkinson 05.03.12 8:44pm
Lazy oafs complain child disadvantages not covered by child benefits

Indolent cretins countrywide today expressed their 'right to free speech and stuff' by condemning the child benefit cuts, largely through sloppy mouthfuls of burger residue. One time paper-boy and...

kga6 05.03.12 8:33pm
"Sod this for a game of soldiers!" Abrimovich buys a Golf club instead

more later...

dvo4fun 05.03.12 7:33pm
French opinion poll reaction: "There's the Station...." shrugs President Sarkozy

More later...

dvo4fun 05.03.12 7:25pm
BBC launch new nature documentary 'Gay Pride'

The BBC today announced the launch of a new and controversial documentary entitled 'Gay Pride'. The six-part series will follow in the mincing footsteps of gay lions in the heart of Africa. In a...

Psycadelic Squirrel 06.03.12 1:21pm
Chelsea to replicate Buzzcocks and HIGNFY model with weekly guest manager.

Chelsea to copy the Never Mind The Buzzcocks and HIGNFY model with weekly guest Managers. Rumours abound that several sacked managers and high profile celebrities such as the Attenborough brothers,...

Curbie Firetank 05.03.12 4:44pm
Curbie Firetank
Arabella Weir's bum can be seen from space, Nasa study concludes. 0
Boutros 05.03.12 4:10pm
Incidents involving Elephants on Trampolines have "gone through the roof". 2
seymour totti 06.03.12 5:47pm
Geoff Boycott wins London Cross Rail tunnel-boring contract

more later...

dvo4fun 05.03.12 4:03pm
Sky launches Sky Sports Dog Dancing HD

Sky Television has launched a new sports channel, after discovering some people with aerials had found something to watch. From the middle of March, viewers can choose to hand over the last of their...

05.03.12 5:46pm
Old Age Road Rage

90 year old granny Eileen Butts was hospitalised yesterday after being run over by a speeding pensioner on a mobility scooter. She had been walking through the local shopping area with friends when...

Marko 05.03.12 2:48pm
Chelsea FC

Chelsea FC: Andre Villas-Boas update, The club say next time we will pick a manager with a name we can get on the back of a shirt, more on Sky Sports...

waggy 05.03.12 4:16pm
LIberal Democrats call for comfier pavements as homelessness rises

The Liberal Democrats have urged the Coalition government to take action on sharply rising homelessness by making the nation’s pavements more comfortable to lie down on. Lib Dem peer Shirley...

The Paper Ostrich 07.03.12 4:09am