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Leaked cabinet papers reveal “Brown Knows” plan. 0
3 years

Leaked cabinet papers have revealed that after his popularity as prime minister slumped, the Labour party outlined a plan to re-ingratiate Gordon Brown back into the public’s favour. The papers...

BT broadband outage puts thousands of unconvincing relationships on the rocks 14
Qoxiivi 3 years

A massive power failure at one of BT’s main exchanges in Birmingham has put thousands of stilted and unconvincing relationships in jeopardy. Adam and Jane are just two particularly tedious...

48 trillion Nectar points to be put into the economy to boost recovery. 3
nickb 3 years

In an announcement which will delight shoppers and the city alike, a fourteen-figure number of Nectar points and Tesco Club Cards points will be released into the economy to boost consumer spending. ...

Osborne Announces Big Bag of Breadcrumbs for the Poor 7
TokyoTomato 3 years

The chancellor, George Osborne, is to announce plans for a giant bag of breadcrumbs to be scattered in the general direction of poor people as a central pillar in his policy to help struggling...

Mike Tindall 'alarmed' by white Fiat Uno parked in tunnel at Eden Park stadium 19
3 years

Mike Tindall is said to be 'somewhat unnerved' by reports that a white Fiat Uno has been spotted in the tunnel of New Zealand's Eden Park rugby stadium. As a team coach confirmed, "This has really...

Hague supports Fox "What's wrong with having an old chum share your hotel room?" 5
dvo4fun 3 years
Cameron not charged after murdering intruder at No10. Cleggs family informed 0
Perks 3 years
Cameron “changes his mind” on Fox hunting. 3
nickb 3 years

In a conversation with friends, it’s understood David Cameron may have thought afresh about Fox hunting. “The Fox is a filthy dangerous vermin, responsible for huge damage to our country. I...

Liam Fox denies being Secretary of State for Defence 3
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

More soon. Anybody reckon this is worth expanding?...

Teenager Found in German Forest Being Treated for Severe Brand Deprivation 7
TokyoTomato 3 years

The mystery teenager who walked out of a German forest last week having apparently spent the last five years living there with his father is being treated for acute brand deprivation, a Foreign...

UK parliament to consider permanent switch to Hammer Time 29
Gary Stanton 3 years

As British Summer Time draws to a close and the clocks prepare to go back, the Secretary of State is to conduct an analysis of the costs and benefits of adopting the highly controversial U.S....

Man destroys wind-up radio after it calls him a tosser 10 times in 5 minutes 1
brownpaperreporter 3 years
It's not unlike 'Eric and Ernie', insists Liam Fox 6
Darkbill 2.0 3 years

Defence Secretary Liam Fox has insisted that his relationship with friend Adam Werritty is completely innocent and similar to that of the comedians Morecambe and Wise. "Eric and Ernie often shared a...

Miliband Sacks Old Guard 0
witless 3 years

RMT revolting...

Next Generation Portable Computer Announced: The 'Guttop' 0
kga6 3 years

Computer manufacturers, HP, who also sell a range of table sauces, are set to capitalise on their combined knowledge of the food and computer industries with the release of the 'Guttop', a portable...

New ministerial vested interest scandal could measure 0.2 on the Mandelson Scale 0
ronseal 3 years
Prisoners to be given Vote "Diamond Idea" 0
Drylaw 3 years

"So who are you voting for in the election then, Nosher?" "I dunno. I haven't studied the form yet, Crusher. Last time I went a bit tactical if you take my meaning. I'm naturally a Lib Dem but I...

Victorian Scotland-Ireland rail tunnel plans "a total surprise" considering.. 0
Al OPecia 3 years

..where you start and where you end, both ways, said a spokesman today...

Government Orders NHS To Amalgamate With Welfare Parks.... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

.As new health policy is "all swings and roundabouts."...

UK Bankers Demand Government Protection At Bonus Time..... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

As it coincides with "Gobbing Season."...

US Ploughing Competition To Be Held At Twickenham This Year.... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

.As all done and dusted at Wembley...

Rich, Public School Boys' Economic Wheeze Goes Wrong....... 2
Jesse Bigg 3 years

."What do we do now George?" "Let's blame it on Boris."...

Hague supports Fox "What's wrong with having an old chum share your hotel room?" 0
dvo4fun 3 years
Cameron looks for support for the reintroduction of Liam Fox-hunting 1
3 years

David Cameron is hoping for cross-party support for the reintroduction of Liam Fox-hunting. The defensive creature is often spotted scavenging for juicy left-overs in urban areas, most recently in...

English Rugby Team Illegally Out of World Cup 0
ionb 3 years

Once again the English Rugby team have been denied their rightful place as World Cup Champions by cheating foreign teams. A spokesman for the ERB said, "we just expected those French to surrender...

"Racism Tourism" May Be Way Out Of Recession For Britain 6
Textbook 3 years

Britain's capacity for being unfriendly to foreigners may turn out to the unlikely saviour of the economy as hordes of Muslims and Indians travel to the UK for the holidays to experience the thrill...

Country is being run by "mate of Liam Fox" 1
apepper 3 years

For the past 12 months, the country has been run by a guy that Liam Fox met down the pub. Adam Werrity, described as a "really good bloke", by Dr Fox, started turning up every day at the MoD and in...

TV Ratings News: Foxy Knoxy Knocked Off the Box by Cocky Foxy 0
Drylaw 3 years
New Apple boss admits defeat, considers quitting 10
Pabst Blue Ribbon 3 years

Struggling fruit manager, Juliette Cavaillier, has admitted her best efforts to motivate her department of apples have come up short, and has labelled the fruit 'completely unresponsive'....

Alistair Darling made a cup of tea for himself, and didn't ask if I wanted one.. 8
ronseal 3 years

Spin doctor Alistair Campbell has tearfully put the record straight and delivered a devastating critique of former chancellor Alistair Darling's personality. Whispering out the side of his mouth to...