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Ivanovic twice unable to talk to a pretty girl he sees in West London bar

..tester for today....

LensCap 24.04.13 5:20pm
Duchess body-shape disinterest shocker

Shocking figures today reveal that the majority of the British public don’t give a stuff whether the Duchess of Cambridge’s baby bump is small, medium or large. The findings come from a national...

monkeyrepublic 24.04.13 5:08pm
Ryanair flight to Jordan will be “punishment enough”, says May... 0
Tripod 24.04.13 4:53pm
Osborne Rattles Sporran

Accident-prone Hanoverian Chancellor George Osborne left Glasgow last night under cover of darkness and made a dash for the border disguised as a set of bagpipes tucked under the arm of bonnie Scots...

Tom Perdue 24.04.13 4:39pm
Tom Perdue
Theresa May not. At least, not yet. 0
sigmund 24.04.13 4:20pm
Beefeaters at Tower of London to be replaced with posters of staring eyes 0
tonyhill 24.04.13 3:41pm
Shock revelation that few people own 100 albums that everybody MUST OWN!

Rock music experts have expressed surprise and dismay at discovering just how few people have purchased all 100 albums that they say everybody must own. A new survey suggests that only 0.13% of...

sredni vashta 24.04.13 2:26pm
Opposition Condemns Government Failure To Deport Al Qatata

"This is rubbish" said a New Labour (or Previously-Owned Labour or Rediscovered Labour or whatever it is nowadays) spokesman. "They shouldn't be trying to deport the poor innocent gentleman. What?...

Titus 24.04.13 2:22pm
Billionaire toilet paper tycoon says he's on a roll. 2
sredni vashta 24.04.13 2:16pm
sredni vashta
FA gives Luis Suarez something to chew on. 1
sredni vashta 24.04.13 2:15pm
sredni vashta
Theresa May to become Theresa June. Or July. 0
Boutros 24.04.13 2:14pm
Website Publishes List Of 100 "Lists of '100 Things You Must Do, Have Or Buy' " 3
Titus 24.04.13 2:09pm
Tristan Shout
May realigns cosmos to deport Qatada

Home secretary, Theresa May has announced that she has sold her soul to Satan in order to secure the deportation of potential bad un, Abu Qatada. The move means sweeping new powers for May, said to...

monkeyrepublic 24.04.13 2:06pm
As A Final Cruelty, Thatcher Deprives Alternative Comedians Of A Living By Dying 0
Titus 24.04.13 2:06pm
World's Religions Unite To Condemn New "Church Of Doubt"

An almost universal wave of condemntion, outrage, threats, ex-communication, denouncement, hatred, fatwa and jehad has greeted news of the foundation of a new religion based on doubt, uncertainty and...

Titus 24.04.13 2:05pm
CoE still 'concerned' with Snoop Dogg conversion to their faith

Snoop Lion, formally Snoop Dog, has announced his conversion to the Church of England after being won round by the culture of openness to tea, cakes, and very mild religion., The overly relaxed rap...

thisisall1word 24.04.13 2:03pm
Ben Elton and Comedy have announced they are to split after 30 years

In a statement the pair said, 'We wanted to finish on a high, but that horse has bolted, so we’re ending with “The Wright Way” instead’. Tweeters were quick off the mark last night and this...

Ian Searle 24.04.13 1:50pm
We remember JLS - because we had forgotten them

Some more soon...

Sally1985 24.04.13 1:43pm
JLS reform as JSA 1
johnnydobbo 24.04.13 1:40pm
Victory declared in ‘War on Bees’

Cynics scoffed and said that it would go the same way as the ‘War on Terror’ and the ‘War on Drugs’, two more scourges of mankind that were too ubiquitous to fight properly. Yet as of today,...

Oxbridge 24.04.13 1:37pm
Burps become bollocks in onomatopoeic shake-up

Bollocks narrowly squeezed out arse to become the new official word for 'the sound made when one expels gas from ones mouth' in guidelines issued by the British Onomatopoeic Office this morning....

Idiot 24.04.13 12:42pm
Nob Lorry Rug-muncher
Suarez interested in Munchinglad'sback

more transfer news soon...

Nob Lorry Rug-muncher 24.04.13 12:37pm
Nob Lorry Rug-muncher
DFS release single to fill gap in market

Furniture retailer, DFS, has been accused of 'jumping on an ill thought-out bandwagon' after they announced that their board was to release a single and embark on a nationwide tour. the move follows...

monkeyrepublic 24.04.13 12:03pm
One Direction become ODS

They already stink say JLS!...

victimms 24.04.13 11:25am
Man Arrested For Selling Fake-Bomb-Detector-Sales-Bribe Detectors

Arthur Farthingdale was arrested today, charged with fraudulently supplying devices which he had claimed were capable of determining whether bribes had been used in order to secure the sales of...

Titus 24.04.13 10:53am
Pope John Paul II to be fast-tracked to sainthood “for not fucking kids”... 3
Tripod 24.04.13 10:19am
Satan and all his minions deny that Hellish Cooling is a major problem 1
simonjmr 24.04.13 9:49am
JLS to split ... then later reform as LSJ

London School of Journalism not concerned...

Kramaring 24.04.13 9:42am
JLS urged to split before tour.

Please god!...

Pigeon of Wisdom 24.04.13 9:14am
Pigeon of Wisdom
. 2
QorbeQ 24.04.13 9:12am