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Stop & Search to be replaced by Slap n’ Tickle

While the inquest into Mark Duggan’s death may have exonerated officers, the Independent Complaints Commission is expected to recommend a radical overhaul of community policing, acts of foreplay...

Wrenfoe 09.01.14 12:04pm
Starving Africans delight as astronomers measure the universe to 1% accuracy

An overwhelming sense of joy tinged with relief filled the famine struck village of Jiptoko in east Africa today as news reached its starving residents that American astronomers have been able to...

Robopop 09.01.14 9:57am
(So good I posted twice) 0
Wrenfoe 09.01.14 9:39am
David Moyes fears he may be controlling the weather

The embattled Manchester United manager is now convinced that he has inadvertently become imbued with psychokinetic power. He has reportedly claimed that his ‘unlucky’ start to the season is the...

Wrenfoe 09.01.14 9:39am
Firm Introduces New Ultra-Lightweight Running Gear

The Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas is alive with its usual mix of large-scale product launches and bleeding edge technology. However, away from the unveiling of smart watches and gigantic...

james_doc 09.01.14 9:23am
Putin approves gay-snow-balling and pillow-fighting-on-ice at Sochi

In what is seen as a callous attempt to gain world approval for the Winter Olympic Games in Sochi following criticism of its anti-gay legislation, Russia has put forward gay-snow-balling and...

Dick Everyman 09.01.14 9:10am
Dick Everyman
Next episode of Sherlock to reveal how Mark Duggan died

Is this tasteless? I think stuff could be written about how the gun got the other side of the fence, how Moriaty was involved, etc. Perhaps something about taking longer for the public to figure out...

GreenCross 09.01.14 8:27am
No riots in Tottenham due to cold and wet weather

Terse letter and possibly a petition later...

virtuallywill 09.01.14 8:02am
Police to wear cameras. 90% had documetary film crews with them already.

More 'Police Stop' series coming soon...

MADJEZ 09.01.14 8:01am
Man. Utd. stage tasteful suicide bomber prank. More boom. 0
Maverick 09.01.14 4:12am
Osborne discovers huge hole in Public Promises. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 09.01.14 3:14am
BAFTA for best botanical arrangement in film goes to Florist Whitaker 0
Smart Alex 09.01.14 1:21am
Smart Alex
Channel 4 launch 'Poverty In A Box' 0
David K 08.01.14 11:14pm
David K
Russia accuses US of 'climate theft'

In an increasingly bizarre and uncomfortable press conference today, Vladimir Putin has levelled charges of climate theft at the United States. The Russian Premier, appearing to be somewhat...

FlashArry 08.01.14 11:07pm
Paddy Berzinski
Duggan lawfully killed

A jury of 8 whites and 2 blacks have returned a verdict of "lawful killing" by a majority of 8-2. However it is conjectured that one of the black jurors may in fact be mixed race as the jury...

Rootin Tootin 08.01.14 10:57pm
Brummie phobia highlighted in premier league.

In back page news, that is sure to be the talk of changing rooms, pitches, terraces and tap rooms around the country, gay footballer Thomas Hitzlsperger finally came out of the closet and admitted...

irreverendJ 08.01.14 10:56pm
Gay Marriage 'Not Compulsory' News Rocks Catholic Church 1
Rowan van den Berg 08.01.14 10:20pm
"50m3 ch3rr15hed numb3r plat3s t00 d1ff1cult t0 r3ad" 5ay5 m1n15t3r.

. m0r3 500n...

weematt 08.01.14 9:46pm
Judges, QC's riot at prospect of poor people in court.

Wigs flew, gowns were ripped and silk breeches muddied as senior members of the British Judiciary rioted in the Inns of Court yesterday afternoon. Many Senior Judges and lawyers say they are ‘at...

nickb 08.01.14 9:25pm
Farage promises cheap electricity for UKIP voters BREAKING NEWS

Yes UKIPs leader has committed his government to connect all UKIP members direct to the aurora borealis so they can benefit from free electricity every day. This beats Labour and Tory promises and is...

2escapees 08.01.14 8:49pm
2022 World Cup Tournament May Be Moved From Qatar to Antarctica

"But I bet some people would [i]still[/i] moan about the temperaures" said a FIFA spokesman...

Titus 08.01.14 7:14pm
Gove demands that day-dreaming pupils be sent to concentration camp. More soon. 2
Al OPecia 08.01.14 7:02pm
Al OPecia
BBC agrees to remove jokes from Blackadder

Education Secretary Michael Gove has persuaded the BBC to remove all the jokes from Blackadder, in a bid to make the historical series "more factual". Mr Gove accused the BBC of misleading the...

nickb 08.01.14 6:51pm
Tory MPs and left-wing academics in famous ceasefire

Peace broke out for a few golden hours earlier today in the bitter conflict between Conservative politicians and historians over the teaching of the First World War in schools. ‘It’s a moment...

ianslat 08.01.14 6:40pm
Midfield Diamond
People with Teutonic surnames urged to stay away from ski resorts

With the recent spate of accidents involving German nationals, ski resort officials and safety experts are urging anyone with a Teutonic sounding surname to stay off the slopes. "Whether your name...

Dick Everyman 08.01.14 6:14pm
Jesse Bigg
Thomas Hitzlsperger - my shame at being outed as an Aston Villa player 1
custard cream 08.01.14 6:07pm
BBC to launch “BBC North”

After the success of minority and niche interest channels, the BBC today announced the creation of a channel developed specifically for those living north of the Watford Gap., Named BBC North, the...

james_doc 08.01.14 5:45pm
Jesse Bigg
Offically now too late to ask anyone if 'they had a good Christmas' 2
blacklesbianandproudofit 08.01.14 5:06pm
Tottenham riots 2.0 postponed “until the weather improves”... 0
Tripod 08.01.14 5:00pm
Damon Hill denies ramming Schumacher off-piste.

Well they say revenge is best served cold...

MADJEZ 08.01.14 4:40pm