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Night-time weddings to be allowed 4
Tammy Flugh 3 years

Couples will be able to consummate their weddings immediately after the ceremony without the need for tedious receptions and embarrassing speeches by the best man, a Government spokesman said today...

Young skinhead finds new Aggrorythm for efficiently beating up descenters 3
3 years

recruited by Google...

Gamblers await outcome of NatWest’s ‘More Helpful?’ report 0
antharrison 3 years

Leading bookies and the British gambling community are said to be ‘Desperate’ to learn if the long-awaited independent report commissioned by NatWest into whether it has become ‘More helpful’...

Researchers prove that lemons are edible. 0
rikkor 3 years
Nokia-Microsoft alliance launches the new Not Responding handset 2
ronseal 3 years

At a glittering reception at Mobile Word Congress in Barcelona, Nokia and Microsoft unveiled the ei vastaa handset to an audience of serial killing suspects [aka technology journalists]. Ei Vastaa...

Mubarak and Ben Ali hit it off on holiday. 1
malgor 3 years

Egypt’s newly-ousted President Hosni Mubarak has sent a postcard home, saying he’s enjoying his holiday. He and his wife have met up with another couple, Tunisia’s recently-toppled President...

No more Toblerone for Mubarak as Swiss government freeze his assets 0
Selma 3 years

Mubarak's relocation to Sharm El-Sheikh has gone down in history as a 'last resort', taking the accolade from Weston super Mare for the first time in 30 years. When told of this loss of status,...

Manchester Derby on early, encouraging fans to fight stone cold sober... 5
Doylem 3 years
Clarke Announcement - Big Society "to be downsized". More soon. 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
The "Infinite Beam" laser harp is the new guitar. 2
theumpire 3 years

Keep an eye open for two new all-girl groups – Funky Pluckers and The Harpies - whose new releases are zooming into the charts, thanks to recent advances in lasers, digital pick-ups and repeated...

Salvation Army finds new role in world domination... 0
Doylem 3 years

Having given up singing hymns, rattling tambourines and saving hopeless alcoholics from themselves, the Salvation Army has amalgamated with the Salvation Navy and Salvation Air Force, to create “an...

HoMu: "just popped out for some fags" 0
beau-jolly 3 years

A clearly shocked Hosni Mubarak was realing yesterday after popping to the local bazaar for a packed of Camel filter. "I was only gone for a couple of minutes" he explained, "when I got back the...

Apple to launch new app for Rastafarian hair stylists...the iDread 0
Gerontius 3 years

Just for rikkor, I'm sure it's been done (to death)but hey...

BBC in Military Take Over Palace Make Over. 1
wallster 3 years

A recently vacated Presidential palace in Cairo is to be the subject of a special edition of the BBC's flagship makeover show, DIY SOS. The palace had been occupied by the same man for the past 30...

Voting an “inside job” for the inmates of HMP Scrimshaw... 4
Doylem 3 years

With the news that inmates of the country’s prisons are to be allowed to vote, the lags of HMP Scrimshaw discuss their political affiliations. “We get unfairly stereotyped”, complained Harry...

Developers defend themselves against ‘rape of the countryside’ accusations... 1
Doylem 3 years

Beelzebub Homes, currently bulldozing thirty acres of ancient woodland to create a brand-new community of 400 ‘executive’ houses, is facing accusations that the company is “raping the...

Girlfriend forced to rely upon romance of non-league football on Valentines Day. 1
Stan Laurel 3 years

Instead of looking forward to a romantic dinner for two, Emily Laker, the long suffering girlfriend of devout football fan Dan Matlock, is already resigned to spending her evening on the cold...

Apple to launch new mini-mini computer 3
theumpire 3 years

Following the phenomenal success of the iPad, Apple Corporation has announced a new touch screen computer that is smaller than its now famous iPod Shuffle. The new multifunction PC, which can be...

Court of European rights declared voting for x-factor human right 0
4ty2 3 years

whilst the NSPCC investigates if making children watch the show is an act of cruelty...

Daily Mail warns of flood of Egyptian asylum seekers. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Shocked researchers announce that lemons are actually edible. 0
rikkor 3 years
College for the Blind moves into football management 0
Mrblacker 3 years

The next generation of Premier League managers could be trained in a county that doesn't even have a team playing in that division. It's because the Royal National College for the Blind in Hereford...

Mubarak family baffled by lack of interest in his millions 0
wwwiz 3 years

With credit to Darkbill's Jan 17, 2010 posting, an update given latest developments in Egypt. The family of former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has expressed surprise at the lack of interest...

Devil 'irritated' with dinner guests bring their own long spoons. 2
Zadok the second 3 years

and tired of looking for work for people with idle hands. More soon...

West Ham lose Olympic stadium bid to Man United in 4th month of injury time. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Nokia and Microsoft court BP to form a 21st Century Axis of evil. 2
simonjmr 3 years
Egyptian Protestors Leave Pyramid of Rubbish 0
Dun Dunkin 3 years

Mubarak to cross the Red Sea...

Mubarak to get all-inclusive diving course 0
NewSuburbanDad 3 years

The egyptian army confirmed yesterday that it had chosen a leaving gift for former commander-in-chief Hosni Mubarak. 'We had a whip-round,' said a general, and the lads suggested we book him an OAP's...

Fluoridation victory for Guantanamo waterboarding victims 0
Fred 3 years
Mubarak sparks flashbacks to 2003 Tory coup, says traumatised Iain Duncan Smith 0
Fred 3 years