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US reveal plan to blanket-bomb Syria with porn, hand-cream, tissues

"Should provide some welcome relief to the conflict" quipped DoD official [i]was also going to go on about secret porn repository in New Mexico, blind tests on volunteers, press conference...

FlashArry 28.08.13 9:04am
England cricketers apologise for 'inappropriate winning on the pitch'

The England cricket team today issued an apology for their 'inappropriate behaviour' on the pitch at The Oval. 'We are sorry for what we did,' the statement said. 'We know that our fans expect a...

John Wiltshire 28.08.13 9:04am
John Wiltshire
Cheryl Cole denies new 'black & white bush' is political

Gorgeous Geordie lass Cheryl Cole has today dismissed claims that her newly styled two-tone lady-garden was fashioned in direct response to the government's recent badger cull plan. The former...

Robopop 28.08.13 9:00am
Assad the Badger

Glad I'm not a badger tonight., Assad the Badger appears to have unleashed deadly bovine TB (Tommy Brock) on the innocent cow population., Cameron the Farmer speaking from Cornwall was reported as...

Mfilbee 28.08.13 8:45am
Government set up OFTICK to chastise naughty Newsbiscuit posters.

More inevitably...

FOAD 28.08.13 8:20am
Kevin the Swan
Dickie Davies goes into hiding 1
antharrison 28.08.13 7:55am
Rootin Tootin
Assad awarded badger cull contract 1
cinquecento 28.08.13 12:33am
Diana Resurrected After Daily Express Runs Out Of "New Cure-All Pill" Stories 1
Titus 27.08.13 10:41pm
Government armed badgers "to ensure a fair fight"

As the government faces increased criticism of the ongoing cull of up to 5,000 badgers in Somerset and Gloucestershire, the Environment Secretary has announced that all reasonable steps were taken to...

jamsieoconnor 27.08.13 10:28pm
Jesus H
Prism becomes sentient, opens cat sanctuary

Prism becomes sentient, opens cat sanctuary A spokesperson for America's National Security Agency (NSA) held a red-faced press conference today, announcing they no longer had control over Prism,...

KeepArtEvil 27.08.13 8:58pm
Gary 'Bomb Detector' Bolton's Pregnancy Test Kit Shows Panda 'Definitely Preggo 0
Titus 27.08.13 8:37pm
Cameron upgrades threat level to 'look here you rotters' 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 27.08.13 7:55pm
US defense department deny "sarin gas" is acronym for Sarah Palin's flatulence 7
bumtrinket 27.08.13 7:29pm
'It was an accident waiting to happen', says marksman who shot Brian May... 0
Tripod 27.08.13 7:27pm
Devoted Badger Lovers Demand Dairy Cow Cull To Protect Badgers' Health 0
Titus 27.08.13 7:19pm
UKIP protests as Edinburgh zoo reveals that female panda is pregnant

Earlier today, Edinburgh Zoo announced that its female panda, Tian-Tian, may well be pregnant. According to the Zoo's Director, the Chinese panda is showing all the classic signs of a Scottish...

AReader 27.08.13 7:06pm
Badger plays, digs and tries speed-dating: it’s game, sett and match... 1
Tripod 27.08.13 6:57pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Syria bows to UK pressure and legalises same sex marriage

William Hague and the Conservative Party claimed a great victory today in their fight against the great evils of our time, as President Assad of Syria announced the legalisation of gay marriage....

blacklesbianandproudofit 27.08.13 6:43pm
Badgers begin cull of 'litter dropping lazy humans'

The Council for Badgers has officially granted the culling of thousands of humans this week amidst fears that the species are 'systematically ruining the countryside with litter and air pollution'....

Jesus H 27.08.13 6:37pm
Jesus H
Pundit sacked for pronouncing foreign players' names correctly. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 27.08.13 6:37pm
Scottish stallion looking forward to sex change. Mare soon 1
sydalg 27.08.13 6:29pm
Eric Pickles' behind Badger Cull "to start today". More soon. 3
Al OPecia 27.08.13 4:18pm
Allies Demand To Know Exactly What Puppet Government US Is Planning For Syria

Before committing their support, Western allies are demanding that the USA discloses full details of precisely what form of puppet replacement government it intends to install in Syria after it has...

Titus 27.08.13 4:14pm
Whistleblower exposes Luxembourg secret service excess

Luxembourgers were in uproar this week as revelations of a vast government surveillance programme were made public by an ex-secret service consultant who had taken temporary refuge in the Embassy of...

Incandenza 27.08.13 3:08pm
Poor people trade in huge TV’s after seeing Jamie Oliver’s face on one.

., [url=]Pish![/url]...

FOAD 27.08.13 3:04pm
UN at site of alleged chemical attack in Syria say "It's a gas" 1
bumtrinket 27.08.13 3:03pm
Wombles ‘scared shitless’ following TB outbreak in SW19

Sounds of gunfire were heard on Wimbledon Common this morning as chief womble Great Uncle Bulgaria unloaded a full clip from an AK47 into a passing group of American tourists. “It’s a matter of...

Landfill 27.08.13 2:59pm
Follow the badger cull live on Bovine TV 1
medici2471 27.08.13 2:57pm
Mourinho has communication problem with Rooney

Jose Mourinho has admitted that he has had problems in communicating with Wayne Rooney about a possible move to Chelsea. At a press conference today, he said: 'One has attempted to request that Mr...

John Wiltshire 27.08.13 1:20pm
John Wiltshire
National Leader Condemns Badger Cull

Colonel Despo, spokesman for the military junta which controls the People's Democratic Republic of North Bongostana, said "The weak, decadent government of Britain is getting it all wrong,...

Titus 27.08.13 12:49pm