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God announces discovery of the Higgs Boson a day ahead of CERN

more futuristic things when He speaks to me next...

3
Not Amused 03.07.12 1:00pm
Not Amused
Murdoch: "Scientology is creepy and evil"

Doctors fear that media tycoon, Rupert Murdoch has completely lost his sense of irony. "This may be something he had to surrender when he became an American citizen for commercial reasons.",...

0
apepper 03.07.12 12:57pm
apepper
Sign on, you crazy Diamond 4
bonjonelson 03.07.12 12:35pm
cinquecento
Adam Ant confirms pioneering use of coloured tape healed nose sprain 0
button 03.07.12 12:05pm
button
Aztec priests 'vindicated' as rain halts Wimbledon again

Priests from the temple of the Aztec night god Tezcatlipoca at Tenochtitlan in Mexico have been gloating at the discomfiture of the British public as the Wimbledon championships are being held up by...

1
Oxbridge 03.07.12 11:57am
button
Barclays walking-plank order specifies 'must support a man with heavy pockets' 0
dvo4fun 03.07.12 11:56am
dvo4fun
Typo confirmed as Barclays now say Diamond has re signed as CEO 0
simonjmr 03.07.12 11:37am
simonjmr
Bob Diamond accused of fixing media interest in Barclays by resigning 0
simonjmr 03.07.12 10:24am
simonjmr
Bob Diamond’s severance pay to be set by panel of 15 customers

Barclays have announced that Bob Diamond’s severance pay will be set by the fully transparent mechanism of seeking the views of 15 random Barclays customers and then averaging the result. “By...

0
Yikes 03.07.12 10:00am
Yikes
Diamond to quit "before reputation of bankers is tarnished" 1
grumblechops 03.07.12 9:34am
kimllfixit
June 2012 "Wettest since Met Office rain records were destroyed in 2011 floods" 3
antharrison 03.07.12 9:29am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Double Diamond jubilee year resignation

Anne Diamond and her sometime brother Bob today have both resigned from their respective posts. Ms Diamond relinquishes her title of Gastric Band wearer 2012 and Bob stands down as CEO of Barclays...

0
simonjmr 03.07.12 9:28am
simonjmr
Rumours abound re the state of the nation....

Cameron and Osborne ready to do a runner...

0
Jesse Bigg 03.07.12 9:00am
Jesse Bigg
Osborne given new title.....

."The So-called"...

0
Jesse Bigg 03.07.12 8:42am
Jesse Bigg
Diamonds, obviously not.... 0
Jesse Bigg 03.07.12 8:35am
Jesse Bigg
Schoolchildren to be taught "upto 18"

Today Education Minister Michael Gove announced the next stage of his radical overhaul of British schools by unveiling plans to teach children all the numbers upto 18. Parents will be expected to...

1
DorsetBoy 03.07.12 8:27am
Psycadelic Squirrel
My hips DO lie: admits Shakira

Colombian songstress Shakira has admitted to deceiving fans with the lyrics of her hit song ‘hips don’t lie’, ‘I’ve lost count of the amount of the times my hips have bull shitted’ said...

2
Chris Hitchcock 03.07.12 8:14am
Golgo13
LIE BORE: Bank deceit explained by Robert Peston 0
Des Custard 03.07.12 7:41am
Des Custard
Hitler steps down. "He did the right thing" says George Osborne 0
dvo4fun 03.07.12 7:28am
dvo4fun
Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle to release 'Diamond Alights' 0
V Riddoch 03.07.12 7:13am
V Riddoch
"Lazy" Phelps only targeting 7 golds 0
grumblechops 03.07.12 6:47am
grumblechops
Thatcher, Thatcher, Economy Snatcher. 6
Al OPecia 03.07.12 6:31am
Thor
Prisoners start being released into an 'HMP gift shop'

In an attempt to re-balance the public finances, the government have announced plans to help ensure crime does pay. Prisoners who finish serving their time in all UK jails, will be released from...

7
Perks 03.07.12 6:04am
Al OPecia
Shocking Reason Behind Tom Cruise Divorce

Rumors have been swirling all week about the reasons behind the Katie Holmes-Tom Cruise divorce. In an exclusive interview, Holmes tells us the truth in her own words: I was horrified when I...

0
btaylor 02.07.12 10:48pm
btaylor
Mr Softee to head inquiry into banking standards

David Cameron has defended his decision to set up an inquiry into banking under Mr Softee, widely known for his long experience in financial sector regulation and his delicious soft ice cream cones....

1
nickb 02.07.12 10:33pm
Yikes
Village fights to lose its Barclays.

In just a year the village of Nether Whitwipe on the edge of the Snipsdale forest has seen the closure of three pubs, the post office, the dry cleaners, the village school, a store where the old...

10
Boutros 02.07.12 10:29pm
Yikes
Government leaked media strategy reveals new 'diversion' tactic

In a Downing Street memo leaked this morning, the Prime Minister's Office is considering over-turning decades of media management thinking and adopting a surprising new 'diversion' tactic. In fact,...

1
Miss Hegas 02.07.12 10:27pm
Yikes
Man shot in Devizes solicitors

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-18678376 Is this cockney rhyming slang or is journalism getting worse by the day?...

0
BillyBitzer 02.07.12 10:14pm
BillyBitzer
NewsBiscuit contributor exorcises angst from soul with unfunny contributions

Contributor O, who requested to remain anonymous, confessed that her contributions weren't exactly rib-ticklers, but they helped her get things off her chest. And didn't make her feel as dirty as...

0
Miss Hegas 02.07.12 10:12pm
Miss Hegas
New "Face of Colonic Irrigation" sought after Gillian McKeith resigns

The Colonic Irrigation Society of the UK (CI SUK) today passed a motion removing "Dr" Gillian McKeith as the face of Colonic irrigation. "Frankly we couldn't put up with her faxe qualifications,...

1
simonjmr 02.07.12 9:47pm
Sir Lupus