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Australia to deport more 'convict' Brits to UK 0
Dick Everyman 3 years

Following the extradition of one of Australia’s most notorious rapists to the UK the British government is now bracing itself for a massive influx of people with ancestral links to convicts....

Child dumps toy for being "too needy" 0
Re Pete 3 years

Rumours spread like wildfire around St Anselm’s nursery school that four-year-old Gracie Parker had suddenly ended her relationship with Mr Paws, a Fisher Price interactive cuddly fun puppy,...

Government to ban inappropriate clothing for middle aged women 11
ermintrude 3 years

The coalition today announced a policy to stop the sales of inappropriate clothing to more mature ladies. A spokesman said the Home Office will lay a new "Mutton Dressed as Lamb" bill before...

Coalition to introduce community justice 0
John Wiltshire 3 years

David Cameron has announced that the government is doing away with courts altogether, and introducing the concept of community justice., 'If the public don't like what we're doing,' he said, 'they...

Cameron Calls Prince Phillip 'A Remarkable Man.' 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

Er, want to do a flip-flop on that remark, Dave?...

Short sentences dropped... 1
be reasonable 3 years
JUST IN! DLT to take out stalker injunction against Sue Key 0
Leeboy007 3 years
A Correction : Sue Key of Burnham is a big fan of DLT. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Kia dealer in divorce battle after wife catches him spreading his cee'd 15
wallster 3 years
"Shoplifting okay if it's something you really, really want", claims vicar 1
butagirl 3 years
DJ Dave Lee Travis reveals Sui Kyi lifeline 1
Basil_B 3 years

Former Radio 1 and BBC world service DJ Dave Lee Travis revealed today that he owed the longevity of his career to Burmese freedom fighter Sui Kyi., 'Since I threw my teddy out in my on air rant and...

Hundreds of stories go into climax as thunderstorms finally hit Britain 6
ronseal 3 years

Britain's recent unprecedented dry spell, which delayed thousands of dramas up and down the country from moving to a climax of dramatic tension, finally broke yesterday, as hundreds of protaganists...

NHS turns to cloud computing to deliver patient records to crims faster 0
ronseal 3 years
Jackass stars' 100mph fastest stranglewank attempt 'a complete success' 2
The Return of DroleNoel 3 years

Well, it's been a while...

Suicide bombers set to strike over pension plans 2
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

Ayman al-Zawahiri is facing his first crisis as the new leader of Al-Qaeda after the National Union of Martyrs announced that suicide bombers will be going on strike due to the ongoing row over...

Glastonbury mud to be 'replaced by carpet'. 0
Leeboy007 3 years

Glastonbury festival organiser Michael Eavis has stunned the music world by announcing that he will be carpeting over his fields to eradicate the mud problem this year. "Every year people moan and...

Dave Lee Travis supports Burmese freedom fighter 0
John Wiltshire 3 years

I don't usually see the point of posting things from the internet on here - but this struck me as beyond the realms of the surreal:...

Rory McIlroy to compete for Britain in all Olympic events 2
John Wiltshire 3 years

Britain's winning golfer Rory McIlroy has been entered for every event in the 2012 Olympics, on the basis that he has actually won a sporting event, which is more than anyone else has done. Rory,...

New chain of care homes opened by Sharon Shoesmith of Indignitas 6
John Wiltshire 3 years

Dignitas is to open a new chain of care homes for the elderly under the brand name Indignitas., 'This is to reflect reality,' said the chairman of Indignitas Sharon Shoesmith. 'I have been chosen to...

New official answer for the joke 'how much is a grecian urn' is now 'fuck all'. 1
Basil_B 3 years
New holiday insurance rules make it illeagal take long weekend without a policy 1
Ian Searle 3 years

Tough new laws have come into force today designed to crack down on people taking holiday without insurance. The new legislation rules that anyone on an uninsured break must either declare their...

Peter Andre To Join Board Of FIFA 0
Leeboy007 3 years

It was announced today that pop star and reality television personality Peter Andre would be joining the football world governing body FIFA. In a somewhat radical, and some would say bizarre, move...

Juan Sheet does Katie Price 2
Oxbridge 3 years
View from the Mound - a hot lesbian's take on today's world news (6/17 edition) 8
SugarTits69 3 years

A few days ago, I wrote about the damage done by the fake lesbian bloggers who turned out to be men, leading many to mistrust on-line lesbians. The spotlight of suspicion even fell on me, as cynics...

Brave Brit Murray beats bag of potatoes in 4 sets 0
3 years
Fears that 'C'mon, Andy!' may not ensure Murray win 0
roybland 3 years
Ford to invest heavily in new eco-friendly "Flinstones" propulsion 0
Dumbnews 3 years
School leaving age to rise to 66 1
Dick Everyman 3 years

New government plans have been uncovered indicating that the official school leaving age is to increase from 16 to 66. In documents leaked by a ‘reliable government source’ to The Sun the...

Local monkey who does tech support applys for better job at the Zoo 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Uproar as SugarTits69 is revealed to be a man called 'Fergie'. 22
Mr Payne 3 years

Check the 'Top Ten' accreditation. I feel cheated. And used. And a little bit foolish. I really believed...