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Isle of Wight votes to welcome careless drivers... 2
Doylem 3 years

Bill Sawyer, Mayor of Shanklin, celebrates this landmark decision. “The votes are in and the people have spoken. It’s official: careless drivers are now as welcome on the Isle of Wight as careful...

West Ham gangsters in premature takeover of Olympic Stadium 1
fun and games 3 years

East End gangsters, acting on behalf of West Ham United, have stormed the Olympic Stadium and have taken it over ‘with immediate effect’, jeopardising its use for London 2012 and telling...

World wonders exactly what Silvio Berlusconi has to do before he gets the sack. 11
Doylem 3 years
Government urges men to use locally sourced prostitutes 1
Kuifje 3 years

A Government report, commissioned in response to concerns over sex trafficking, has urged the nations' men to think more responsibly about the kind of desperately hopeless women they pay to have sex...

Salary man Yuki Yoshida bereft in Tokyo after missing his plane 0
melody 3 years
Semi-Chem finishes Masters degree 0
gaijintendo 3 years

and will now be called Actual-Chem...

Porpoises, cockroaches “waiting in the wings” to govern the planet... 0
Doylem 3 years

In a quiet revolution, largely unnoticed by mankind, whose attention is elsewhere, porpoises and cockroaches are creating a loose alliance to take over governance of the planet, in case - as seems...

God on Mumsnet webchat to defend King Solomon baby-slicing storyline 1
CAC 3 years

Mumsnet hit the headlines last week when it wrote to God complaining that its members had been "outraged and distressed" by an Old Testament storyline in which a mother accidentally smothers her baby...

‘England is Ours’ splinter group supports pasta ban 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Gove says national curriculum should contain dinner table tests 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
British Scientists Develop new technology that makes an odd noise 0
arflaethel 3 years

Top International British scientists have finnished work on the latest instrument invented for no particular purpose that makes a devilish squaking sort noise at random intervals. The device, to...

New Ricky Jervias project is less controversial, Wikijokes with Julian Assange 0
Ian Searle 3 years
Evian introduces bottled air from the Alps 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Tunisian self-immolation reports "spreading like wildfire". More soon. 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
Music Mogul Writes Own Newsbiscuit Story 0
Textbook 3 years

Actual quote: Jimmy Iovine, head of Interscope, one of America's most powerful record companies and publisher of American Idol releases, on the new season of American Idol "We're looking for an...

Colin Firth to star in King’s Speech sequel, The Queen’s Lisp 7
Ludicity 3 years

Award winning actor Colin Firth has confirmed that he will star in a sequel to The King’s Speech, The Queen’s Lisp, in which he plays the young Queen Elizabeth II as she struggles to overcome a...

Fat Offensive Joker Gervais Upsets Fat Offensive Americans at Golden Globes 6
wolfie 3 years

The world's biggest, most tasteless joke, America, sat horrified, and was barely able to stuff Nachos, Oreos and Burgers into its shapelessly fat face as Ricky Gervais laid into their usually...

Talking Tie to Replace Clegg as Deputy PM 0
wolfie 3 years

For years the unsung hero of backbench politics, Timmy the talking Tie today took the commons by storm in his maiden speech, with comparisons to the unimpressive Clegg leading for calls for a...

Facebook demise rumours "being spread by word-of-mouth". More soon 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
Winter-pothole repair work contracted to Chinese firm. 0
Hunter F. Thompson 3 years

20 year contract, with reconduction clauses, cost plus 5% for overruns and one helluva backhander. Several, actually. More soon...

UK Jobless total soars to 2.5m Osbourne says this just isn’t enough 1
Ian Searle 3 years
Antarctica to host 2026 World Cup 2
henton49er 3 years

In an extension of their policy to bring football to new countries, FIFA have announced that they have appointed Antarctica to host the 2026 World Cup. FIFA chief, Sepp Blatter explained that "with...

Norfolk County Council to lay off 400 staff. 3 families affected 1
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Jonathan Ross's daughter replies to sexuality allegations 0
greg various 3 years

"That's so not funny Dad."...

NewsBiscuit announces Feb Writer Of The Month before the official closing date. 0
Tammy Flugh 3 years

Trading Standards confirmed they have received several complaints and are investigating the matter...

Wedding Shock: Kate an American divorcee 2
wwwiz 3 years

Buckingham Palace was reeling today with the news that Kate Middleton is actually American and, moreover, a divorcee. Born in 1982 as Kate Middleton in the Appalachian town of Dismal Hollow, she was...

100 days to royal wedding: Middleton still refusing to give out. 0
SingingHinny 3 years
Cheers and booze... 2
Doylem 3 years

“The Hampstead & Highgate Fine Wines and Victuals Company has been expanding into the North of England”, says Managing Director, Brian Fletcher. “As we moved beyond our Home Counties...

And now the end is near 2
Tammy Flugh 3 years

And so I face the final curtain, My friend I'll say it clear, I'll state my case of which I'm certain I've lived a life that's full, I traveled each and every highway, But since I lost the court...

unmarried couple told that they could not have a room won landmark legal case 3
4ty2 3 years

following the decline they moved into stable with the local sheep, were they took delivery of a baby son from gestational companion any gostwriters available? hopefully more soon...