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Master Splinter spottet in New York 0
4ty2 3 years

when accidentially bumping into a prisoner whilst trying to make his way to freedom, splinter that is. Following rumors that Leonardo has come out of hiding in LA...

OBL no longer an 'old hippie' 0
Trickster 3 years

reveals a close aide from within his inner circle. "Gone are the days when he'd just sit on an an old rug smoking non-stop Afghani and playing war games," said the aide in the never-before-known...

New Zealanders continue to tell swearing monitor to git facked 0
ronseal 3 years

Britain's burgeoning Kiwi community has pledged to continue using its alternative vowel sound system and has urged censors to 'git facked', adding 'ind oy main ut'. Both North island and South...

Jean Michel Jarre to use giant lasers to correct people’s vision 4
Ludicity 3 years

French musician Jean Michel Jarre has announced that at all future performances he will be using his spectacular giant lasers to correct the eyesight of his fans. ‘For too long I have travelled...

Australian Cricket Fans finally admit they may have overdone the rain dancing. 1
deskpilot3 3 years
No end to ENO cast strike as obese soprano steadfastly refuses to perform 0
pinxit 3 years
West End production of 'Toad of Toad Hall' halted as lead actor croaks 0
pinxit 3 years
20 Months for stealing 17 Million Nectar points worth 1.5 tumblers 1
Erlang 3 years

In a scam lasting more than five years an IT specialist working for Sainsburys was convicted for loading fake accounts with 17 Million points. His lawyer appealed to the judges saying his client...

Gabor wins role of Jane in Tarzan remake financed by Peter Cook's estate. 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years

It's in there somewhere...

Zsa Zsa changes surname to "Gabonk". More soon. 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
New Advisory Sticker Will Warn Consumers That Certain Music Is "Shit" 0
Textbook 3 years
Man shoots drowning son at beach to stop stranger from becoming hero. 0
melody 3 years
Filthy vermin is found on new York subway by a Reseach Lab Rat from P.K .Morris 0
melody 3 years

The homeless person was sound asleep when our valuable Rat bravely took a tissue sample risking catching Necrotizing Fasciitismyosits ,he was not sure what was worse, smoking 60 woodbines a day or...

Glasgow man claims persecution after MI5 sweep mishears "Alky Da" as "Al-Qaeda" 0
govanesque 3 years
Westboro' Baptist Church Pickets Funeral of Bubbles the Goldfish. 0
sickstring 3 years

Members of the Westboro' Baptist Church turned out in force outside their own bathroom yesterday afternoon as Bubbles the family goldfish was flushed to his eternal damnation. The Rev. Fred Phelps,...

Gag-writers 'still in the dark' about number required to change a lightbulb. 2
Zadok the second 3 years
350 Saga cruise passengers ordered below decks ,deemed too ugly for photo shoot 0
melody 3 years
DLT complains of ageism, regains Radio 1 Breakfast Show 7
Skylarking 3 years

Simon Bates soon pop pickers...

Control Orders to be replaced by making terror suspects wear a little bell 2
Ludicity 3 years

David Cameron has unveiled the replacement to Control Orders – a little bell that all suspected terrorists will be forced to wear to warn the public of their whereabouts. 'I got the idea looking...

Fraudster ruefully admits that he should have stolen Airmiles and flown to Rio. 0
deskpilot3 3 years
BERLUSCONI DENIES "MAKING LAW" CLAIMS 0
Peter749400 3 years

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00792/460-berlusconi_792155c.jpg Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has angrily denied rumours that he went into Parliament last month and...

General Pharmaceutical Council drops case against homeopathic malaria treatment 0
4ty2 3 years

as it is clearly possible to prevent malaria by the use of alternative medicine. The case brought forward by the undercover operation of Sense about Science and Newsnight has brought disrepute to the...

money for nothing banned on radio 0
4ty2 3 years

original claims stated the phrase "see that little faggot with the earring and the makeup Yeah buddy that's his own hair That little faggot got his own jet airplane That little faggot he's a...

Brazil beats Australia and Wales in Flood Top Trumps 0
simonjmr 3 years
Tesco rebrands its carrier bags as Recession briefcases, satchels and holdalls 0
simonjmr 3 years
World wide Rodent fetishists looking to pre-book New York jail time 0
simonjmr 3 years

New York city council is to market fetish holidays in their jails using the old Roland Rat catchphrase "Come on Rat fans" in an ironic manner. More soon...

Pink Floyd son begins life of unemployment - "Sign on, you Lazy Dickhead" 3
someone else 3 years
Vatican drops plans to beatify Berlusconi after Viagra is explained. 0
Chip Paper 3 years
Bird Flu Resistant Chickens are Actually Cats 4
A Wagonload Of Monkeys 3 years

The new genetically modified strain of chickens that are claimed to be able to resist bird flu are actually cats say poultry farmers. Professor Alan Song who headed up the research team strenuously...

John Paul II given fast track promotion after one of his groupies got better. 0
Tammy Flugh 3 years