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Scots enter Olympic spirit by lighting fags off Olympic torch.

More healthy activity soon...

0
MADJEZ 08.06.12 7:08pm
MADJEZ
Jimmy Anderson fury at sitting in a different changing room watching the rain

England fast bowler has expressed his anger at being "rested" for the third test; "I'd particularly wanted to sit in the Edgbaston dressing room watching the rain come down. Now I'm forced to sit in...

0
apepper 08.06.12 4:56pm
apepper
Merkel agrees "double or quits" with Greece over Euro 2012 0
quango 08.06.12 4:52pm
quango
Divorce Looming For Leading Seismologist After Infidelities Rumbled By Wife 1
Duff 08.06.12 4:30pm
Duff
Polish supporters claim they were just singing "Funky Gibbon". UEFA close case 0
grottymonty 08.06.12 2:48pm
grottymonty
Racists at Netherlands practice grateful for training opportunity.

“One of the best squad sessions we ever had.” claimed Euro 2012 racial abuse co-ordinator Jan Terleki at the close of the Netherlands training session. “The only thing it lacked was a dust up...

4
weematt 08.06.12 1:43pm
weematt
"Say Cheese My Son" As Eastenders Sets The Pace Again

Never one to shy away from the big topics and issues of the day, BBC flagship drama, Eastenders, is once again setting the agenda and is on course to shock its fans and critics alike. In the past...

0
Duff 08.06.12 1:21pm
Duff
Masonic secret handshake upgraded - extra digit required

More to follow...

1
apepper 08.06.12 12:46pm
apepper
Ukraine claims UK ministers adopting "spolitics" tactics over Euro 2012

As UK government ministers ready themselves to boycott England's group games in the Euro 2012 football championships in Ukraine over the country's human rights record. Ukraine minisiters have...

0
simonjmr 08.06.12 12:10pm
simonjmr
Terry disappointed at Auschwitz theme park - but praises the short queues

'The queues were short, but the actual events were a bit disappointing, to be perfectly honest.' John Terry has given his verdict on his visit to Poland's biggest tourist attraction, the Auschwitz...

2
ronseal 08.06.12 11:27am
Des Custard
London Underground to introduce racism carriages

London Underground has unvieled plans to introduce 'racism carriages' secifically for people who want to let off steam after a hard days work by shouting indescriminate abuse towards anyone who looks...

7
Shandy 08.06.12 11:21am
butagirl
Remaining Bee Gee releases 'How deep is your Bruv?' 1
tedweasel 08.06.12 11:01am
Not Amused
Excitement as teenagers find unsecured wifi connection in local woods 0
gaijintendo 08.06.12 10:37am
gaijintendo
John Terry closes in on European Father of the Year title

Fans of British parenting look like having something to celebrate as John Terry seeks to breakthrough to the next level and claim the European Father of the Year title. Terry, an ex-winner of British...

0
Yikes 08.06.12 10:35am
Yikes
Gary Barlow turns down lucrative offer to be resident singer on Dragon Capsule

A spokesperson for Space X, the commercial space exploration wing of India's Tata Motors, today confirmed that they had failed in their bid to obtain Gary Barlow's signature on a multi-million dollar...

0
rustad 08.06.12 9:09am
rustad
Pensioner To Play Left-Back at Euros for Footballing Reasons

Roy Hodgson today called up 79 year old Bert Cooke to the England Euro 2012 squad today, purely for ‘footballing reasons’ he said completely lyingly. 79 times capped England legend Rio Ferdinand...

3
daneade 08.06.12 8:37am
Yikes
Ministers pretend to boycott Euro 2012 'to get out of games'

Government ministers have wriggled out of attending Euro 2012 by 'protesting' about Ukraine's jailing of former prime minister Yulia Tymoshenko, according to a secret recording of a Cabinet meeting....

1
V Riddoch 08.06.12 7:51am
Yikes
Man paints lines on grass, dons boots and puts up nets for 'footballing reasons" 0
ronseal 08.06.12 7:14am
ronseal
England footballers to play badly as protest

England's footballers are planning their own protest over the hosting of Euro 2012. "We're contractually oblidged to play, so we've decided to leave the tournement as soon as possible by being as...

1
apepper 08.06.12 4:01am
RickH
Cheryl Cole Unlikely Humanitarian Saviour

Cheryl Cole's fame may be of questionable merit to many members of the intellectual community, but that may change after her recent visit to Somalia, where in mere moments she raised living...

0
Textbook 08.06.12 3:22am
Textbook
Roy Hodgson found in hotel room with hookers and drugs 'for footballing reasons' 0
Alan Sundry 07.06.12 10:07pm
Alan Sundry
Prayers Being Offered For Stricken TV Royal Anchors

A frantic race is on this evening to find an urgent cure for a virus that's wreaking havoc throughout the UK's media community. The infection named, [i]Chronic Sycophantosis[/i], believed to be a new...

0
Duff 07.06.12 9:16pm
Duff
Dejected Clinton cards buyer returns home with £35million worth of weasel balls 0
Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 9:16pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Olympic ladies' soccer tickets unsold "for footballing reasons". 0
nickb 07.06.12 8:29pm
nickb
Hitler confirms invasion of the Sudetenland for 'footballing reasons' 2
Alan Sundry 07.06.12 8:24pm
nickb
Psittaphobic Chinaman has cleft palate 1
cinquecento 07.06.12 8:23pm
nickb
Queen ‘As Fit As Kate Middleton’

As celebrations for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee took place in all parts of the Uk over the bank holiday weekend, politicians and famous people have queued up to pay tribute to our monarch. David...

0
Mark Gregory 07.06.12 6:55pm
Mark Gregory
PM in Merkel gaffe storm

Latest: PM David Cameron was caught in a diplomatic storm after his latest round of Euro-crisis summitry with German Chancellor Merkel, when overheard muttering 'Two World Wars and one common...

0
Miss Hegas 07.06.12 6:25pm
Miss Hegas
Austerity Cuts See An Am-A-Drama Ding-Dong At The BBC

During these past two years we've all become accustomed to the concept of "Austerity Britain" and nowhere are the cuts biting harder and deeper than at the BBC. Budgets have been trimmed back so...

0
Duff 07.06.12 6:11pm
Duff
'Lease this pub' now the most popular pub name survey reveals

A comprehensive survey of pub names has revealed the changing face of British pubs. The Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) survey has showed how a whole host of new names has burst on the scene,...

5
Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 5:01pm
Gerontius