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Radio playlist mayhem after Chris Rea decides to catch the train home for Xmas 4
Duncan Biscuit 19.12.12 4:20pm
Duke of Edinburgh names part of Queen after Antarctica

Palace sources refuse to elucidate as to which part...

gregle 19.12.12 3:40pm
Met Police arrest officer for impersonating a civillian 1
Scronnyglonkle 19.12.12 3:05pm
PETA campaigns for right to arm bears 0
gregle 19.12.12 2:10pm
British Bill of Rights to celebrate 'the sanctity of indiscriminate shagging’...

The government has released the first draft of a new Bill of Rights, which will enshrine the rights and responsibilities of all British citizens. Assuming the statesmanlike pose that he’s been...

Tripod 19.12.12 1:45pm
Zoo Names New Sleepy Stoned Grizzly.

Visitors to a Wildlife Park hoping to see the park's newest resident, and discover the name chosen for him by local school children, were left disappointed after red-faced keepers admitted that the...

The All New Jeni B 19.12.12 1:03pm
Met Police unsure whether to open the gate to Andrew Mitchell’s return 1
Duncan Biscuit 19.12.12 12:44pm
Police to investigate Police over Hillsborough, Mitchell, phone hacking etc

and other stuff later...

virtuallywill 19.12.12 11:31am
Office word of the day organiser finally told today’s word is ‘tosser’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 19.12.12 11:21am
Duncan Biscuit
CERN physicist discovers sleepy charged particle. 0
sigmund 19.12.12 11:05am
EU Common Agricultural Policy to Require End To Sex Discrimination by 2013

Brussels has today announced that the EU Common Agricultural Policy is to require all member states ratify gender equality laws for agricultural livestock before April 2013. Legislation is to...

Deimos 19.12.12 10:59am
Queen storms out of Cabinet saying they're 'a bit right-wing for one's liking'

pinxit 19.12.12 9:21am
BBC Breakfast Team seek Mayan living in Salford

BBC Breakfast News team today issued an appeal to find a Mayan resident in Salford. The Breakfast team are making preparations to cover the Friday 21st global apocalypse and wish to have a real Mayan...

iBarryJ 19.12.12 9:20am
Herod claims Massacre of Holy Innocents-Gate report ‘not an eye witness account’

King Herod of Judea has claimed that he should be exonerated after so-called eye witness reports that he ordered the Massacre of the Holy Innocents have been shown to be false. ‘It is true that I...

Des Custard 19.12.12 9:19am
Hibernation study raises questions about popular sarcastic questions.

Neat-o . Hibernation scientists studying the waste management practices of bears has shown that bears do NOT shit in the woods – at least not for seven months of the year. Shitting and sleeping...

weematt 19.12.12 9:17am
British Gas introduce 'lagging the elderly'

In response to the recent government challenge to all energy suppliers, British Gas have unveiled the new 'Winterlude' package for the elderly. The new offer involves a comprehensive care package...

Squudge 19.12.12 9:08am
Hibernation and Climate Change: Sharp rise in sleepless hedgehogs. 3
weematt 19.12.12 8:58am
High Eight to replace High Five as Americans learn more math.

The well-known ‘High Five’ celebratory hand-gesture between two people looks set to become just a little more complicated for Americans when it is upgraded to ‘High Eight’ from 1 January. ...

malgor 19.12.12 8:56am
Ringo ‘wrong’ about Yellow Submarine insists McCartney

Former Beatles and Wings front-man Paul McCartney has fallen out with former band member Ringo Starr over claims that the two once shared a Yellow Submarine together and that all their friends lived...

Gerontius 19.12.12 8:44am
Get More Poor Kids onto the Nice List or Lose Your Monopoly, Santa Warned

Father Christmas has been threated with the removal of his monopoly in the UK market following the publication of this year's Naughty or Nice list, which again shows that the list a child gets on is...

james_patching_1 19.12.12 8:38am
Letting Rudolph guide sleigh didn't make other reindeer love him, admits Santa

Santa Claus has admitted that his decision to allow Rudolph to guide the sleigh last Christmas resulted in the red nosed reindeer becoming less rather than more popular among his colleagues. "I'd...

james_patching_1 19.12.12 8:33am
Santa’s elves despair at 45 day redundancy consultation

When Amrod the elf opened his Christmas pay-packet the bonus he had anticipated after twelve months of hard graft in Santa’s workshop was not there. In its place a redundancy notice spelled out...

Dick Everyman 19.12.12 8:27am
Valuables ‘missing’ after Queen’s visit to Downing Street

Prime Minister David Cameron has been put in an awkward position after staff at No.10 reported the disappearance of a number of wallets, handbags and mobile phones immediately following the Queen’s...

Long Distance Clara 19.12.12 4:55am
Pole Vaulting country rest as High-Bar Nation ordered to sleep


Bourbon 18.12.12 11:33pm
Part of The Queen named after frigid wasteland. 0
wallster 18.12.12 10:58pm
McFlurry McCosta Ronald McDonald

Poor Ronald McDonald was held firmly by the knackers recently by Sarah Finch, an outstanding employee in a Carmarthen fast box eating restaurant., "A friend asked for extra sprinkles so I let her...

Tess Goes 18.12.12 9:57pm
Tess Goes
IT department shuts down for Christmas, goes into cybernation...

Kind of neato I'll just get my coat...

Psycadelic Squirrel 18.12.12 9:37pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Man looks forward to using all 12 place settings in dishwasher on Christmas day

Tony Norris from Stockport, a keen amateur chef and by day a senior trading standards officer, has expressed his delight at the prospect of using the space for all 12 place settings in his new...

antharrison 18.12.12 9:36pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
South Africans rejoice as 'Dancing President Zumba' re-elected

There was dancing in the streets of Johannesburg tonight as locals celebrated the re-election of their President, 'Dancing Jacob Zumba.' President Zumba was quick to thank his supporters and danced...

custard cream 18.12.12 8:42pm
custard cream
Antarctica to be named after queen. Now known as Eltonjohnica. 2
MADJEZ 18.12.12 7:58pm
Tess Goes