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Savers advised to put something aside for a sunny day 5
Mandy Lifeboat 12.07.12 8:35pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Olympic call for "volunteer missile firers" to free soldiers for gate duties

Olympic organisers are seeking people under sixty with good eyesight and excellent people skills to deploy and fire hi tech ballistic missiles during the Olympics. Successful applicants will be...

3
nickb 12.07.12 8:05pm
The Masked Frog
Olympic Medals to be decided by general public vote via phone in system

In a refreshing change to how Olympic medals will be awarded the IOC has announced that the public will decide which of the first three competitors in each event will receive the Gold, Silver and...

0
HIGNFY 12.07.12 7:00pm
HIGNFY
Moyles Seeks Popularity Increase By Playing Mass Baby Murderer 0
custard cream 12.07.12 6:39pm
custard cream
Tulisa finally apologises to anyone who may have seen her sex-tape. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.07.12 6:35pm
dominic_mcg
Bisto to launch spicy recipe book "Fifty Shades of Gravy". More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.07.12 5:23pm
dominic_mcg
Tulisa given cameo in next 'Angry Birds' update 0
SpankyMonkey 12.07.12 4:22pm
SpankyMonkey
Premier League Clubs Announce Exciting New Sponsors

With the new Premier League season just a few weeks away and expectation at tepid pitch for the spitting, snarling splendour of dour, tatooed, overpaid 'sportsmen' extravanga, the Premier League has...

1
custard cream 12.07.12 4:15pm
custard cream
Tulisa : 'This time, Justin messed on the wrong woman' 0
charlies_hat 12.07.12 3:58pm
charlies_hat
Team GB hopes high for Whingeing medal

Lord Coe today expressed high hopes that Team GB would bring home gold in the newly introduced Olympic sport of Whingeing. “It’s been a great run up to the Games, training-wise. The weather has...

0
Nails UK 12.07.12 3:22pm
Nails UK
Pope Delighted With Britvic Recall

Officials at the Papal See have confirmed that the Pope has welcomed the recall of Britvic. Monsignor Luciano Rossi, said, "His Holiness is delighted that the Church of England has finally decided...

1
custard cream 12.07.12 3:13pm
custard cream
Mauritius hotel workers romp home at 100-1 0
medici2471 12.07.12 2:43pm
medici2471
Home Office confirm G4S recruits vetting to be completed by September 0
medici2471 12.07.12 2:31pm
medici2471
Games security "not compromised"

The use of troops in no way compromises Olympic Games security claimed newly appointed security chief Abu Hamza...

0
apepper 12.07.12 1:46pm
apepper
Home secretary confirms David Beckham selected for the Olympic squaddies 0
charlies_hat 12.07.12 12:32pm
charlies_hat
Home Secretary, May to appear in....

Remake of "Dumb and Dumber."...

0
Jesse Bigg 12.07.12 12:32pm
Jesse Bigg
IOC wins case to have town of Much Wenlock renamed in time for Olympics

Residents of the Shropshire town of Much Wenlock today lost their legal challenge against the IOC (International Olympics Committee) who are forcing the town to change it's name during the Olympic...

0
thisisall1word 12.07.12 12:30pm
thisisall1word
Inconsistent tea maker enjoys 50 shades of Earl Grey 0
ianslat 12.07.12 11:51am
ianslat
Bradley Wiggins tests positive for quadrophenia

This year's Tour de France has been rocked by fresh allegations of modding. Bradley Wiggins was stripped of his yellow fish-tailed parka, after testing positive for traces of quadrophenia. For...

2
Nunnion Splendacular 12.07.12 11:46am
ianslat
Tulisa wins apology from Newsjack presenter 0
medici2471 12.07.12 11:35am
medici2471
Defence demonstrates Terry's parrot-like tendencies

[url=http://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/john-terry-trial-please-please-please-could-you-repeat-that-7936075.html]I just say what I hear[/url]...

0
medici2471 12.07.12 11:31am
medici2471
"On the roof missiles" initially for 10 Downing Street only......

Until a "generous Cameron" insisted on a fair spread amongst the poor...

1
Jesse Bigg 12.07.12 11:22am
wallster
Judge To Rule On ‘Who Started It’ In Terry Racism Case

Justice Peters has retired in the John Terry racism case to consider his verdict of who started it. Terry’s legal team wrapped up their defence with a strong argument of ‘did not!’ in response...

0
daneade 12.07.12 11:06am
daneade
Man misses once in a lifetime chance to ignore Olympic torch relay

Albert Pottage of Selby, Yorkshire , was left devastated last Thursday when he discovered he had missed being able to sit at home refusing to cheer and wave at the Olympic Torch procession as it...

6
Tomfinger 12.07.12 9:59am
Thor
Cameron does a strop after "question time".......

.With Jesse Norman, the opera singer?...

1
Jesse Bigg 12.07.12 9:24am
Thor
Kettle accused of calling Pot a 'black ****' 0
quango 12.07.12 7:27am
quango
G4S' Olympics security staff crisis "Too busy escorting our fees to the bank" 0
dvo4fun 12.07.12 7:25am
dvo4fun
Olympic torch carrier sets fire to London park.

Mr Eric Primbole apologised to Mayor Boris Johnson for causing chaos in central London after setting fire to seventeen one hundred year old Oak trees in Hyde park. Mr Primbole had been chosen to...

1
gaztop 12.07.12 5:50am
wallster
Police unable to open Tetra Pak case. More soon. 13
Al OPecia 11.07.12 9:56pm
custard cream
Character witness Cole denies racism, Cheryl only abused that one woman. 0
MADJEZ 11.07.12 9:18pm
MADJEZ