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Export of Spearmint Rhino to West Africa as Western black rhino declared extinct 0
simonjmr 3 years

"Every little bit helps to re-establish Spearmint Rhino in West AFrica" More soon...

James Murdoch prepares escape-proof bag and agoraphobic cat 1
apepper 3 years

In preparing for his appearance before a Westminster committee, News International chairman, James Murdoch has procured an armoured bag and found a cat with a morbid fear of the outdoors. "I feel...

OXO shareholders lose everything as stock market crumbles. More soon. 3
dominic_mcg 3 years
Student Protests deemed 'massive let down' by Police 0
ndbrown123 3 years

Scotland Yard has released a statement this morning stating their huge disappointment over the student protests. Over 4000 police officers were present yesterday with authority to deploy 'baton...

Poppy Appeal bosses plan "most ambitious guilt trip ever" 11
Mr Target 3 years

Poppy appeal bosses were today locked in behind-closed-door meetings, rumoured to be planning their most contrived, yet undeniably righteous, guilt-trip publicity stunt ever, say sources, as the...

Oscar statue quits as Acadamy Award 0
simonjmr 3 years
Rick Perry told to 'go home to Texas', but he 'can't remember where it is...Oops 0
JD 3 years
'Judge me on my music,' says Bieber. 'Er, on second thoughts...' 0
Oxbridge 3 years
Mother uncomfortable with watching violent movies buys new armchair 1
Nick McCarr 3 years
Dawn French weight loss - house prices unaffected says Mail 0
nickb 3 years
Mike Ashley to be renamed "Cunty McFuckface." 0
SingingHinny 3 years
Tevez flees before UK border control improves 0
CJWorkman 3 years

Carlos Tevez has further embarrassed himself by missing training to escape the country before the border control row results in more attention given to those entering and fleeing the UK., Manchester...

Daniel Radcliffe demands equal surveillance with grown-ups 8
Clarky 3 years

‘I’m 47,’ complained the Harry Potter star, ‘yet those News of the World scumbags followed my parents around looking for scandal, as if I was a little kid with no secrets worth revealing....

EastEnders fans demand .cotton domain name 2
Mathna 3 years

more soon....

BBC website crashes as disappointed readers view 'topples hotel' story 0
button 3 years
Stock market news: Shares in Millets hit new high 1
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

after record tent sales...

Middle aged gangsta rappers update their beverages of choice 11
fernandomando 3 years

As gangsta rappers enter their middle age, a growing trend is being seen to mix tonic with their gin, rather than juice. Rappers are changing their drinking habits in line with their age....

Doomed Dixons Empire Strikes Back 9
witless 3 years

Dixons Retail, who advertise frequently on Watchdog, are ditching Anne Robinson as their front man and enlisting a lesser dark force, Darth Vader for their pre Christmas push. “The jackbooted, war...

Music notation cutbacks; the rest is history 0
apepper 3 years

More to follow...

Europe has blamed smoke from the UK's firework night for the financial crisis 0
Ian Searle 3 years
New-born child to be tried for 'human rights abuses' 0
Perks 3 years

The father of new born Lilly Blossom, has announced that he will be seeking the extradition of his daughter to the European Court of Human Rights with the intention to have her tried for war crimes,...

Firework apologises for M5 Pile Up 8
jamster 3 years

Following a brief Police witch hunt, a firework has today apologised for the devastating pile up that occurred on the M5 on Friday evening. The "Star Bombs" firework from the Cosmic Display gift set...

Silvio Berlusconi’s penis to stand down at next election 2
Long Distance Clara 3 years

Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi announced yesterday that after more than 20 years in frontline duty, his penis would be standing down from public office. ‘My right honourable member has...

Man arrested for not wearing a poppy 0
Clarky 3 years

A 37 year old Brighton man was held overnight by police yesterday after being arrested for not wearing a Remembrance Day poppy. Do you see what I did there???...

Student Protesters Threatened with Soap & Water Canons 1
Aberdeen Correspondent 3 years

Soap & Water canons could be used in the event of extreme disorder at "life is unfair" protests in London today, an ex-News of the World hack and now Scotland Yard Spokesperson has revealed while...

Daily Mail Litmus test launched as Tory Party recruitment tool 1
simonjmr 3 years

The Tory party today launched the Daily Mail litmus test for checking the suitability of prospective members of the Conservative Party. Eric Pickles has outlined the simplicity of the test "We give...

English Cricket Board surprised at request to intervene in Italian debt crisis 0
medici2471 3 years
Did Herman Hide the Sausage? 1
bobo lutz 3 years

Did Herman Hide the Sausage? FBI sources have confirmed that Republican Candidate Herman Cain is being questioned about the 2005 disappearance of the Sausage, the tube-shaped diety that won the...

Border Agency Blunder could have let in Any Number of Cat-Owners Warns May 0
Aberdeen Correspondent 3 years

Home Secretary, Theresa May, has admitted that she has no idea how many foreign cat owners may have been allowed into the country as a result of the unauthorised relaxation of border controls at UK...

Jimmy Savile fixes it for Jesus to kick Roman centurion up the arse 0
Darkbill 2.0 3 years

Leeds Diocese revealed today that Sir Jimmy Savile has fixed it for Jesus to deliver a good hard boot up the backside to a Roman legionnaire. The centurion in question, Lucius Pollo Castus, is...